DC Pussycat Doll

No Spiked Heels

2007-05-22T17:12:00.000-05:00

You do not get in the way of a lady in heels for a night out on the town. Alas, Cobalt, that venerable institution of house music and shirtless bartenders, almost shut me down Saturday night. I may be late on this, but WTF with the no heels rule??? I had on some mighty cute purple peep-toe shoes. I was then forced to stop at CVS at 1AM to buy $5 shower shoes and pretend like I purposely had them just so I could get into Cobalt!. But you know damn well the minute I got into the bathroom I swapped out the shoes (hooray for big purses) and was sitting high(er) in my heels. Disaster averted!! Now if I could only go back in time and veto the decision to eat McDonald's at 3AM......

Friday Boobies

2007-05-18T11:06:00.000-05:00

OK, here you all go: a Friday Boobies! Specially uploaded just for Phil.

Phil I don't know if you are familiar with Kim Kardashian, but she is a D-list celebrity who has a sex tape out right now. Enough said, right?

I think she has fake ones, but nonetheless she is quite stunning. Enjoy!!

Still Alive

2007-05-15T09:50:00.000-05:00

It's been a month since I have posted. I know, I know. LAME. I've been so swamped with work and the ups and downs of my life love. Still with Malibu Ken, but barely. Everyday I say to myself, OK this is the day you end things. This is the day you make reconciliation with the fact you will die alone. Today is the day you learn to be alone. But everyday I say that to myself, the next day I come out of the "fog" and can't imagine being without him.

So that's all that is going on. I want to say a few quick congrats to those who are graduating from schools of law, medicine, liberal arts, etc, congrats to those engaged/recently shacked up with significant others, and congrats to new jobs for all.

Utter Sadness

2007-04-17T19:10:00.000-05:00

I have no words. I'm pretty devasted by this, as I, along with many others, have a connection to someone hurt at VA Tech. The entire world stands behind VT, including other VA schools. This says it all:

With All Due Respect..

2007-04-11T12:35:00.000-05:00

I know I'm a few days late on this, but did anyone else watch The Sopranos?

With all due respect, to the show creators, actors, and crew, it kinda sucked!

It was slow moving and a little too esoteric. All of the imagery with the lake and the loongggg glances between Tony and Carmela and Janice got on my nerves.

As the show enters its last few episodes, do you think they can keep viewers?????

La Dulche Vita

2007-04-04T20:05:00.000-05:00

I love my baristas at the Starbucks at 19th and K, but yesterday when I ordered an Iced Tall Double Skim Dulche de Leche the barista looked at me like I had asked for a Triple Drip Skim Human Baby Skin Frap- Light. Even though the new Dulche de Leche was on the menu hanging on the wall AND I got an e-mail announcing the new flavor, NO ONE knew how to make the drink. They had to go pull out the recipe card from a box and figure it out.

Now I know it gets hectic at Starbucks, especially at this location that is in a tiny space, but I don't think it's that hard to learn a limited menu and occasionally incorporate new seasonal recipes. Step up your game Starbucks baristas of DC!!

p.s. - the drink is DELICIOUS!

Friday Rant

2007-03-30T09:09:00.000-05:00

I am again in the pitfires of hell, otherwise known as falling in love with a person who is not ready for it. Why can't this man love me enough to fight for me???

I'm Losing My Touch

2007-03-16T10:35:00.000-05:00

There was a recent "study" conducted, or rather an unscientific assessment, that said multitasking hurts productivity. Especially for people under 30 who have grown up in a society that demands multitasking.

It's true that I have grown up multitasking and trying to do so much at once. Even starting in elementary school I learned how to do homework, chat on IM, and watch Full House simultaneously. This carried on throughout high school and only worsened in college. My mom used to make fun of me while on the phone with her because in the background she could hear me pounding away on a computer keyboard while downloading music and finishing a 10 pg English paper.

As I sit here now typing this out I have 1 Excel spreadsheet, 3 Word docs, 2 PDFs, 2 Powerpoints, AOL IM, Gmail, Outlook, 5 web site pages and Google searches open. I'm "working" on multiple assignments at once because this is almost the only way I know how to work. If I could carve out 2 hrs to focus on and bang out a media list it would be a miracle, but I know I will be interrupted by an IM or new RSS feed or e-mail from a client. I think this definitely affects productivity - but what is the solution??

Maybe it means starting small with eliminating the least important distractions. Like my music player. But wait...I get hyped up and motivated listening to music. I turn on some RHCP or Amy Winehouse - who by the way is PHENOMENAL AND SEXY AND CRAZY AND DRUNK AND COOL - and I feel like I work better. Maybe cut out the IM? But then undoubtedly a co-worker will e-mail and say, "Well I wasn't going to e-mail you but you weren't on IM or Gchat..." Grrrr. What's a modern multitasking, everything-to-everyone girl supposed to do???

"Well, France is superior at one thing..."

2007-03-12T20:23:00.001-05:00

I had the pleasure of attending the Washington, DC International Wine and Food Expo at the Ronald Regan building yesterday. Of course my plan was to get there by 2pm and be sauced by 2:45pm, but it actually took me a little longer because the place was so EFFIN packed you could barely move around on the show floor. So now I present to you my ups and downs of the 2007 DC Wine and Food Expo:

2005 Bordeaux = Hundreds of wines from around the world to sample, conveniently organized by region
Franzia = Wine newbies immediately flocked to "France" at 2:01pm and subsequently depleted the wine supply from that country by 3:15pm

2005 Bordeaux = Chefs from Restaurant Kolumbia, Perry's, Giant, and Aria Trattorio
Franzia = Only 3 CHEESE STANDS. WTF???? The show was sorely lacking in tasty, creative cheeses to pair wine selections with and enjoy. Cabot's Cheddar cheese? Are you serious??? There were NO cheeses from Italy, Switzerland, England, or Spain.

2005 Bordeaux = Standout wines from Vale, South Africa, Argentina and Virginia
Franzia = Disappointing wines from Germany, France and India (yes, India)

2005 Bordeaux = Free wine glass, wine pairing wheel, and black "Wines of France" tote
Franzia = Grown ass adults begging for wine and clamoring for free giveaways, with the fervor of frenzied ants

Overall, it was a good day to sample wines from around the world and learn about the wine making process. Kudos to the Washington Post for sponsoring and I hope to attend next year!

I Don't Ask Much, I Just Want You- Part Two

2007-03-06T22:48:00.000-05:00

OK I suck and caved in to seeing Malibu Ken. We spent the whole weekend together. The intimacy is amazing and I really hope this last awhile. The hopeless romantic in me won't die just yet.

I Don't Ask Much, I Just Want You

2007-03-06T22:17:00.000-05:00

I am not sure where my head is right now. Malibu Ken has been calling me lately and we talk like old times. Mind, body, and soul I am still in love with him. Clearly I should not give him a passing thought.

So I had an epiphany today - give up MK for Lent. Now, I know Lent started a few weeks ago, and I'm not a Catholic. But it's never too late right???

So all I have to do is not talk or see MK until Easter...

Well the biggest problem here is that I really shouldn't give him up just for Lent. I should really give him up for good. Not look back when Easter rolls around. Maybe just drown my sorrows in chocolate easter bunnies. Or "spring" forward with a new beginning...stay tuned.

Stupid Girls

2007-02-26T21:25:00.000-05:00

So I was talking to the "love of my life" who is actually just the first guy I fell hard for, and lamenting about not meeting guys. I told him that I have been told more than once that I am unapproachable. Now this particular "love of my life" met me when I was 18 under the haze of a drunken frat party and we are still friends to this day - and he said that when he met me he didn't find me intimidating or unapproachable. But again we were drunk and young and felt invincible and I had the cajones of a horse.

As I started to explain to him the response I have gotten from guys saying I am unapproachable, I automatically assumed he would refute these claims and tell me the opposite. But he didn't. He confirmed that I am unapproachable because of the fact that I come off as too intelligent.

Too intelligent...I never knew that could be a problem! I was naturally offended by his claim. Do not tell me that even though I am bright, ambitious, and thoughtful I have to hide that to appear dumb or non-threatening. Gee golly I better hide my William & Mary diploma and pretend to not know who Genghis Khan is.

So I got a little hyped up over his claim and he tried to explain it from a different light. He thinks that I use my intelligence as a defense, like "Look at me I'm sooo smart and please do not look at my fabulous boobs because I am so much more than that."

Well, I guess it's true then. Instead of flaunting my body I naturally just showcase my intelligence. Nothing wrong with that right? I suppose it could come off as being snooty or too into myself, but honestly why should I have to hide a part of me that is so great? Women are objectified enough in the media and society, why should I "dumb-down" my demeanor even more so as to not appear haughty?

If I use intelligence as a defense mechanism, it is because I am defending myself against some pre-conceived notions like that my hips and curves make me promiscuous or that because I am a black woman I simply can't have an interest in Shakespeare (and I swear these are real stereotypes I have faced). I have no reason to play the stupid girl and I never will. I understand it is important to connect with people from all walks of life, not just ones with fancy diplomas, but it is my prerogative to put my knowledge/IQ intelligence, as well as my emotional intelligence, at a premium. I hope more women do the same.

It's My Turn To Weigh In

2007-02-22T20:45:00.000-05:00

I have tried to ignore the whole Britney Spears tragic meltdown, but enough is enough. I have to speak my mind. Britney - we want the old you back!!! The sweet, flirty, too much pink Britney.

And yet all we have now is a cracked-out has been who needs professional help. Seriously, I'm tired of celebrities saying how hard it is to be in the public spotlight. If it's such a hard job, then go into hiding for a while and stay on the downlow!! I'm sure there is a hungry, impoverished family that would be happy to trade places with you and have all the luxuries you enjoy.

But I've gotten off on a tangent here. Anyway, Britney has gone off her rocker and should be restrained. She is fueled by enablers. She is delusional. And judging by these pictures, she may possibly be rabid. Such a shame.

NOT My Harris Teeter

2007-02-19T20:56:00.000-05:00

I hate Harris Teeter.

Specifically the Teets on Glebe Rd and N Randolph in Arlington.

I usually shop at Giant and find that Giant prices are more reasonable and they carry good brands.

But today I ventured out to the Teets for a change of pace. And I was thoroughly appalled by my experience.

Here is my countdown of the Top 5 reasons to hate Harris Teeter:

5. Small aisles - how the FUCK can 2 people coming down the aisle in opposite ways squeeze by each other in these shrunken down lanes?

4. Two stories - grocery stores should not have elevators. That is all.

3. Store layout - grocery stores should not have angular aisles and thorough ways where you cannot see ahead of you. STICK TO THE SCRIPT TEETER!!

2. Limited cheese selection - I knew that I had a bottle of white and a bottle of red at home, so I figured finding a tasty cheese selection would be no problem. Oh but it was. The cheese display had 20 selections of brie and feta, but no good Swiss or Italian cheeses. I like my Comte and Gruyere god damnit!!

1. The clientele/customers - You snobby-sense of entitlement having-boring-North Face wearing fucktards. I swear it is a prerequisite to be annoying, obnoxious, and inconsiderate to shop here on a regular basis. I was "cut-off" by haphazardly directed carts the whole time. While pulling into the parking lot I was cut-off by an Audi A4. Figures.

I'm sticking to Giant from now on, where at least I am guaranteed some friendly faces and reasonable prices.

Love In the Time of Freezing Rain

2007-02-14T15:47:00.000-05:00

I was going to write a lenthy post about Valentine's Day and my bitterness at how awesome it was last year compared to the nothingness I have this year. But all I really want to say is:

FUCK VALENTINES DAY (BUT DON'T FUCK EX-BOYFRIENDS!)

VP of Dior

p.s. - I love all of my friends, male and female, who have stood by me no matter what. Much love!

How Was Your Weekend? Mine Was Great...Got Laid, Yada Yada Yada....

2007-02-12T20:52:00.000-05:00

OK, time for a weekend recap. I had a solid weekend actually. Friday night I went out with 2 co-workers who are very fun girls. The kind of girls who have threesomes and make no bones about telling you that over wine at Eat Bar next to Tallula. That place actually has fantastic wine and cheese and fruit appetizers.

From there we went to Gua Rapo and all of its quasi-euro trash glory. At least there were no guys wearing sunglasses at night.

And we ended up the night on a high point- scarfing down chicken fingers and patty melts at IHOP. Although the next morning, my stomach was not a happy camper.

Cut to Saturday where I went to a cute boy's house to watch Va Tech STOMP UVA. Actually, I really don't care about either team but there was alcohol and chips and dip involved so it was fun to me.

Saturday night I went to a bar that was on my long list of places to hit up - Wonderland located in Columbia Heights. It'a in a sketchy area, and from the outside the bar looks like a shack. Inside it reminds me of the Big Hunt.

Wonderland is often described as a hipster hang out, and indeed there were a ton of them out. There were also a few blipsters - black hipsters - there as well, enjoying both De Le Soul and the Shins alike. I think because Wonderland has been a hotspot recently hipsters are "over" it and roll their eyes when the frat boys enter the building.

But you know why anyone and everyone should be able to go to Wonderland? The BOMB-ASS AWESOME DJ that spun everything from 80s to New Wave to Crunk to 90's house. For real I danced non-stop from 11pm to 2am. Who spins Wham! then New Edition then Neneh Cherry!???and gets away with it? He did. I lost my shit to "Buffalo Stance" and sweated out my straightened hair. I have no idea who the DJ was, but if I ever go back I hope he is there.

And lastly that brings us to Sunday. No I didn't forget about the laid part of my post title. I "relapsed" and "let the puppy out of the basement" and saw Malibu Ken. Six months later I have found that we are both still carrying around the same emotion and the same love and the same disappointments. As an adult I made a conscious choice to be intimate. I'm feeling OK right now, but who knows what kind of aftermath my emotions will face in a few days...maybe I will make a trip sooner rather than later to Wonderland to dance off the blues...

Let Your Soul Glow!

2007-02-06T20:53:00.000-05:00

I know I'm two days late on commenting on the Super Bowl, but there is a burning question remaining: WHY IS PRINCE SO BADASS???!?!?!

And my second question is: What kind of perm does Prince use?!?! Cuz that shit help up through the (purple) rain in Miami. The perm should have had its own Super Bowl ad! I can't even walk by a deactivated sprinkler system without my hair napping up a bit!

Lessons from the Coldest Night This Year

2007-01-31T20:21:00.000-05:00

I am sitting here at 8:20pm STILL hungover from last night's partying. I went out with some lovely ladies and a few gentlemen to celebratre a birthday, and here are some lessons I learned:

1. Mixing lemon drop martinis and wine is a good thing
2. Going to Camelot and dropping my hard earned money on strippers is a sound financial investment
3. While channel surfing, white people do not stop on BET to see what fine programming they are offering
4. Letting the skeezy guy standing outside Camelot almost walk you to your car is not that bad of a thing
5. Eating McDonald's at 3am is a good way to cap off the night

OK, so now I am just that much more knowledgable!

One Fish, Two Fish...

2007-01-28T21:42:00.000-05:00

For the past 2 weeks I have been OBSESSED with getting a dog. A miniature smooth coat dachshund to be exact. I've always thought dachshunds, or "wiener-dogs," were adorable. And they have a personality just like me - loyal, playful, small build but you wouldn't be able to tell because they act like big dogs. :) Here is an example of the breed I want:

This is a smooth coat Red female mini dachshund. Look at that face! Sigh.

As I thought about shelling out $500-$800 for one these adorable puppies, I realized that right now wouldn't be a good time to have a dog. I can barely afford to feed myself and I'm not home enough to really care for a dog. I decided it would be better to save up the money, wait until I have my own apartment, and take on a dog in a serious manner (besides just wanting to dress it up in sweaters).

So as I entered the pet store this weekend, I opted for a pet that requires less care. I got a purple Beta fish and his name is Max. Max is pretty chill and I think he enjoys the blue marbles I put in his fishbowl!

bloodsugarsexmagik

2007-01-25T10:15:00.000-05:00

Red Hot Chili Peppers tonight!!

with Gnarls Barkley opening!!

I saw both of these groups at the Virgin Festival and they were my favorites so I can't wait for some booty shaking-upliftmofo-st. elsewhere jamming/duets tonight! How sick would a mash-up of "Crazy" and "Under The Bridge" be??

Anyone out there love RHCP as much as I do? Favorite songs???

Boys To Men

2007-01-21T22:38:00.000-05:00

When I was about 13 I started going through my celebrity crush phases. I never had much luck with boys so looking at movies and getting into that fantasy world made sense for me. It started with Leonardo DiCaprio in the updated version of "Romeo and Juliet." He was all legs and eyes-in-hair-teen-angst-ridden passion.

In the "Basketball Diaries" he showed he was quite a fine actor, with the ability to show humor and pathos in the same character. I've always liked that. I was just a teenager, innocent and inexperienced, yet he DEFINED sexy for me.

From there my crushes bounced between the fleeting (Josh Hartnett) to the delicious (Taye Diggs) to the long-term fantasy guy (Brad Pitt). And now it has come full circle because I am back to LOVING Leo.

I saw "The Departed" recently and discovered Leo was no longer a gangly boy with a slightly awkward veneer, but instead appeared on screen as a MAN. Full shoulders, slightly less cherub-y face, grit and pain in his eyes. He HAD me. And the accent. Holy hell.

And last night I had a sex dream about him. I don't often say men are sexy ( but Justin Timberlake does get the sexy title). Leo is so goddamn ZEXY I can't stand it. I need to meet a man like Leo NOW. I don't care where you are my Leo-In-Waiting - on the Orange line, at Science Club, at the Hess on Wilson Dr., or at Eastern Market - I will find you and POUNCE on you!

And the award goes to...

2007-01-16T20:26:00.000-05:00

VP of Dior's Golden Globes Fashion Picks

Overall Best Outfit:

Perfection. These two are the perfect accessories for each other!

Best Fuck You Scumbag Look of the Night:

Reese - You BETTA WORK! Fuck Ryan!!

Let's get to the good stuff. There were so many baaaadddd looks of the night!

Overall worst outfit:

Vanessa Williams - Aye carumba!! God this pains me. If I had her body I would NOT cover it with an ill-fitting dress and tacky fur. And the hair!!!!?!?!? GAH!?!?!?

Worst Dress of the Night:

Maria Menunous - This dress was so nasty-green-metallic-rust-sewage-ish that it hurt my eyes. It looked AWFUL on camera during the awards show.

Worst Post-Break-Up Appearance:

Cameron - I know we haven't always gotten along but I feel sorry for you. You simply cannot leave the house looking like this! The hair! The tiers of fabric! Oy! Sack up ho!

Worst Hair:

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cha-cha-CHIA!

Dreams

2007-01-15T11:28:00.000-05:00

Martin Luther King had a dream for America - that equality would take the place of hatred and anyone could have the same opportunities to pass down to their children. As an African-American female I believe I am a product of the hard work of many leaders like MLK. I am thankful for MLK's pursuit of his dream and realize that some of my accomplishments may have not been possible without him. I am a college graduate of a prestigious institution. I am bright and ambitious, seizing opportunities as they come and making new ones.

But I think in the 21st century there is much more room for improvement in America and the opportunity to pursue new levels of equality in this country:

I have a dream that people will realize that what they see on TV and movies is not indicative of everyone of a particular race.

I have a dream that people will take the time to know the individual and not judge based on stereotypes.

I have a dream that everyone can be free to date or marry and fall in love with anyone else they want to, regardless of the person's race, gender, or class.

I have a dream that everyone will have access to healthcare, because not just the rich or employed deserve to be healthy.

Politics aside, these are just a few of my wishes and hopes for a more equal U.S. Do you have a dream for America?

Report to the School Office

2007-01-08T21:46:00.000-05:00

The following bands need to report to the principle's office IMMEDIATELY or risk banishment to the detention hall of forgotten CDs:

1. Interpol - I've actually had to resort to listening to Joy Division to get my gloom and doom. C'mon fellas let's get it together. I am a huge fan of your 2 albums and eagerly await a new one this year.

2. Maroon 5 - You guys were the SHIT 4 years ago....after 1 album. Don't go out like punks. Although I hear the lead singer is too busy boinking Jessica Simpson and other celebrities.

3. Bloc Party - Now that the lead singer is out of the closet, there should be sufficient buzz around their follow-up to "Silent Alarm." The blokes put on a heck of a live show (saw them at Black Cat and 930 club), so release the new CD and tour already would ya?

4. Garbage - Please please please don't be disbanded. I need the whirlwind that is Shirley Manson!!!

POWER to the POINT

2007-01-03T18:39:00.000-05:00

It's 6:45pm, I'm still at work editing 2 large powerpoint presentations. So now I interrupt this terribly busy work week to ask a question:

Am I the only person who actually enjoys working on powerpoint presentations?

There's something about having a very confined space to present your text and graphics on, and making sure that you get your point across loud and clear. There's no need for certifications, hours of sweat and labor, and a background in quantum physics. Just make your point succinctly, be judicious with the graphics, and make it engaging.

Even though it's late and I should either be at the gym or having sex with a hot guy, I don't really hate these powerpoints. I just wish it would take me out for a nice steak dinner once in awhile.

Sigh.......I need to not work so much....

I'm at the point of no return, just watch me burn.....

2006-12-28T11:14:00.000-05:00

I don't understand
What destiny's planned
I'm starting to grasp
What is in my own hands
I don't claim to know
Where my holiness goes
I just know that I like
What is starting to show
Clean - Depeche Mode

First, Christmas was good. I'm very lucky to have a caring family who try to make the holidays fun.

Second, I'm stuck at work this week because I have no vacation time. But let's be serious - there is no work being done.

One of the things on my mind right now is dreading New Year's Eve. It is the most anti-climatic reason to celebrate in the history of celebrations.

I guess last year was the most fun NYE I've had. I was in a really good mood at the time because I was falling in love with MK and I went down to Nags Head for MK's best friend's wedding. I have a lot of great memories from down there - being with MK 24/7, meeting his friends and college mentor, dancing with his best friend's Dad, eating tons of seafood, walks on the beach, salt and sand on my face. It was a really great weekend and for the first time ever (yes, ever in my 24 years of existence) I had someone to kiss when the clock struck midnight.

And right now I can't get these memories out of my head. The resounding truth is that this NYE will be much different. I have no one to kiss, no MK to look up at and see the joys of the past year. It's enough to make a girl want to stay home on NYE and eat shrimp lo mein and cry.

But, what I now realize is that I don't need to look at anyone else to see all of the joy, and pain, of the last year. I've experienced these emotions the only way I know how - on my own, and trusting in my capacity to learn. I'm not getting on a pedestal and saying I don't need a man - of course I want a boyfriend who will display all the passion, caring, maturity and honesty I deserve. I think for now I am grateful to be alive and feeling (even though at times I wish I were numb to it all). I hope 2007 will be a grand year filled with love, laughter, and fun (and wine by the bucketloads).

2nd Annual Ultimate Pussycat Doll Wishlist

2006-12-20T22:01:00.000-05:00

HO HO HO Bitches! I did it in 2005, and now it's back:

Ultimate Pussycat Doll Wishlist

Dreamgirls Soundtrack Double CD - $22

Urban Decay Midnight Cowboy Set - $28

Vogue: An Illustrated History of the World's Most Famous Fashion Magazine - $75

Maybach Exelero (black) - $385,000??

Proud Papa Brad Pitt - Yummers and priceless!!!

What I Learned in Raleigh

2006-12-18T22:53:00.000-05:00

So I randomly went down to Raleigh, NC this past weekend to visit a very dear friend from high school. And once again when "The Boozies" get together it's apocalyptico-crazy. Even Miss USA would say we drink too much.

My lesson from this weekend: drinking cabernet sauvignon and chardonnay and Bailey's on the rocks and margaritas and Tic Tacs ( Red Bull and orange vodka) and beer (pong with Natty Light no less) and Bacardi Melon in a span of 2 hrs is NOT A GOOD IDEA.

Friday Boobies: Golden Globes edition

2006-12-15T07:59:00.000-05:00

At first glance I though Beyonce looked very pretty at the premiere of "Dreamgirls" (sooo excited to see this but why the hell was Jennifer Hudson nominated in the Golden Globes Best Supporting Actress category while Beyonce was in the Best Actress category???!!?). Anywho, I also like Beyonce's make-up, although the dress is a little weird.

Then I noticed something a little off about Beyonce's Golden Globes. At first I thought it was an optical illusion of the right breast brought on by the application of too much body glitter by her mom, Tina Knowles:

As other people have pointed out, her right boob looks like it has collapsed! Oh dear....too much of the bootylicious shaking has caused her implant to slide towards the middle of her chest. Wait a minute, when did Beyonce get implants?? I'm confused. I really hope this isn't an actual health issue for her, because then I would feel bad. But, I think this is the first split-score: the left breast gets a 7 and the wonky right breast gets a 3.

Smooth(ie) Criminal

2006-12-12T21:38:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I entered Das Gym and there was a muscle-y gentleman sitting at the smoothie bar close to the entrance. Apparently he had noticed me at Das Gym before, because he took the time out of his routine of checking out girls as they walked in to say to me, "Hi, I've seen you here before and I wanted to know if you have a second to converse?"

I tried to scoot out of this situation by saying I needed to quickly change into my gym clothes before the 8pm class. But he suckered me into a convo about Acuras. He seemed nice enough but as we were talking I noticed he checked out every girl who walked past us. He asked for my number but I told him I would rather give him my email, and then he acted offended! I explained to him that I've seen enough Oprah's and America's Most Wanted to not give my number to a random at the gym. And also I got a creepy vibe.....

Ahhh too sexy!!

Cut to today. He emails me not once, but twice. I don't respond to either. My Mom thinks I should just play nice and get a free meal (Mom knows what's up!). However, I really think dating a guy from the gym is bad for these reasons:

A. It's bad for "business" - if other more suitable guys at the gym see hanging with /dating/"conversing" with said gentleman, then I might get a reputation for being a gym groupie or someone who meets guys at random juice bars. I need to keep my options open!

B. Being the "gym couple" - I refuse to be that couple holding hands while working out on adjacent stationery bikes

C. Avoidance will make me fat - if I were to meet a gym regular and date him, and then break up, I would have to carefully time my gym attendance and probably avoid going on certain days all together. Then I would gain weight. Then I wouldn't be able to fit into my too-tight-expensive-ass Rock and Republic jeans I adore and I would be sad.

So ladies and gentlemen of the juice joint, I think I will pass on this suitor. Although I think I would love to meet someone new that makes me feel groovy, I guess now is not the time.

For the days when it's just too much

2006-12-04T15:44:00.000-05:00

I realize I've been on a vicious cycle of bitterness, sadness, depression and my very own "pity -Soul Train dance line," but sometimes you just have to say Fuck It.

This past weekend was too much drama for me.

Friday night I was dead tired and decided to stay in. So Saturday morning I get up, all re-energized and crap ready to drive to the gym. I get in the Silver Bullet, aka the Civi, and the damn thing doesn't start. But at least I was in my driveway. I think it's my battery. So I call roadside Ass-ist and when the tow truck driver comes he acts annoyed that he has to give me a jump. Meanwhile I'm on the phone with Dear Old Sometimes Judgemental Dad and I snap at him because of the Spanish Inquisition he is trying to start with me over the phone. Tow truck driver jumps the battery and tells me to let it run for awhile and that it should be OK and I wouldn't need for it to get towed. Fine, I'm out of the woods right? No. I let the car run for 30 min and while I'm doing this my Dad calls back to inform me my great Uncle Johnny (who I barely knew) died that night. He asks if I'm planning to go to the funeral in Florida and I honestly say, "Well I just found out about this from you so I don't know what I'll be doing." He of course took this as being snappish.

So my car has been running forever and now I'm bummed about Uncle Johnny. I was a little unsure about what to do next, so I of course call Malibu Ken. OK OK it was an act of desperation and I clearly gave in by "petting the puppy" (see Cail's comment from 1 post ago). MK thinks I should be fine but if the car doesn't start after I turn it off it might be the alternator or I need a new battery. He offers to come over and follow me as I drop my car off in the parking lot of the dealership and also try to buy a battery. The idea sounded nice..... but you know what? He's not my boyfriend anymore and I need to stop depending on him for things. So I politely declined his offer and said goodbye. I turn the car off about 5 min later. I immediately try to re-start it and whoopsie-daisies-fuck me in the ass-donkey shit it won't start. I call the love of my life from college who informs me that I'm being too dramatic and negative about the day and I need to go for a run. I immediately hang up on him in mid-conversation because I don't feel like hearing his "Dude-Mantra" of "just go on a run" or "drink a few beers." Sometimes it's just more complicated than that. Anyway, I was supposed to go to 2 parties that night but I was so drained I decided to order pizza and curl up into bed with Weeds Season 1 Disc 2 courtesy of Netflix.

Cut to Sunday morning. I'm supposed to meet Mom for lunch in Hoodbridge. Get in the car and lo-and-fucking-behold it won't start. My roommate gives me a jump and my car is running and I decided to put my life in danger for a free meal, "Borat", and holiday shopping at Potomac Mills. I drove down 95 on what I later found out was less than 10 volts of battery power and got to my Mom's house. Again, as soon as I turned off the car it wouldn't re-start. My Mom calls her friend who says he will go to the auto parts store, buy a battery, and install it while we do our girlie stuff. I am forever indebted to this family friend of ours.

So before we head to the mall, my Mom informed me that my Dad called her and he was "piping-hot" at my general attitude towards him the last couple of weeks. I also gave him his bday present a few days late. He damn well knows I am going through a break-up, but just like a Dude he says, "Get over it." So now my Dad is peeved at me, my battery is dead, and so is my Uncle Johnny. All there was left to do was shop. And say Fuck It very loudy.

My Mom decided to show her concern for me and my general disposition by buying my X-mas gifts in front of me. No surprises for me on X-mas, but I got a nice Ralph Lauren Polo sweater, a white gold and diamond bracelet, various Sweet Pea products (my preferred B&B Works scent), one black and one hot pink pashmina. For the record I'm defintely NOT complaining about that!

And at the end of yesterday my car got fixed and is now running. I would have been supremely sad if it had puttered out. I've had it for almost 6 years and haven't even gotten the chance to have sex in it.

But most of all I am sad that my Dad thinks I'm a brat and that I don't care about him, which is clearly not the case. One thing I have never been good with his family drama. It just cuts to the core you know?? So today I hope to get a grip on some things. Call Dad to apologize (for what I don't know but I guess I just have to swallow my pride and do it). Definitely write the family friend a thank you email. And yes, perhaps work on a plan for "utilizing" the Civi's backseat.

What's New?

2006-11-28T21:22:00.000-05:00

So.....

what's new pussycat (doll)?.....

Whoa ohhhh ohhhhh

Not much going on here. My new job is going swell. I just have to adjust to big PR firm culture and all its evils and perks. Like free bagels and massages. Sigh. Oh, and the douchebag ex has yet to contact me. 2 steps forward and 14,000 steps back.

So for now I am just staying busy being a PR queen by day and heartbroken glittery vixen by night (courtesy of my massive collection of Sephora makeup). Actually, wouldn't that tag line make an awesome calling card? :)

Where Do We Go From Here??

2006-11-20T21:22:00.000-05:00

Almásy: When were you most happy?
Katharine Clifton: Now.
Almásy: When were you least happy?
Katharine Clifton: Now.
- The English Patient

It started out as a desire to see him one last time. One last exposure to him so I could say goodbye and find the peace and closure that has escaped me for months. One last hit of that mighty drug.

And when Malibu Ken stepped in front of me, it was like old times.

Laughing, joking, finishing each other's sentences.

Say it say it,
over again
everything's better off this way
tonight, i just want you to see
i know i've never felt this way
and when you think everything's lost
you got me
- "You Got Me" - VHS or Beta

We talked about our lives. Work, concerts, current events, friends. But it was glaringly obvious that we were talking about our separate lives. When at one time our lives were entwined.

Then he said, "I am beginning to realize that I need to make decisions. I can't let my parents or anyone influence me. I miss you. I miss you like crazy."

"You're not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you've met she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other." - Good Will Hunting.

Tears stream down my face. This was not what I was expecting.

There is talk about missing each other. Missing the lazy Sundays in bed, missing nights out in DC, missing that warm comfort of being cared for. There is talk about seeing each other again. I can't believe I'm even considering it for a second.

there's a war inside of me
do i cause new heartbreak to write a new broken song
do i push it down or let it run me right in to the ground
i feel like i wouldn't like me if i met me
- "You Wouldn't Like Me" Tegan and Sara

But nothing was resolved. There were no declarations of undying love. There were no decisions made.

"Will I see you before Christmas?" he asks.

"I do not know. It is up to you. It is time for you to show me what it is you want."

As his arms enveloped me, there was so much left to say. So much fear and grasping and heartstrings pulling. I am emotional roadkill right now. Flattened, hopeless, and left alone.

At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say cause there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves. - "Grey's Anatomy"

Friday Boobies

2006-11-17T07:51:00.000-05:00

Sorry so short....but it's oh so sweet!

Perfect boobs and arm candy. So Jealous! But you can't hate her really. I give her a 10.

Crisis In Darfur

2006-11-15T19:16:00.000-05:00

I've thought about doing a post about Darfur a couple of different times now, but wasn't quite sure how to approach it or what to write.

I've seen George Clooney talk about it, heard reports on Oprah, and tonight I saw Anne Curry do a heartbreaking report from Dafur.

So I think instead of getting on a high horse or advocating America swooping in like the World Police, I'm just going to give you some websites to visit and encourage you to become educated on the subject. And if you feel compelled to donate money to any of the programs below by all means do it. I've donated and I think this is such an important issue. The fact that what is going on there is documented and we have resources available to help them, I think every little bit of support will help.

www.savedarfur.com

www.darfurgenocide.com

www.nightly.msnbc.com

http://coalitionfordarfur.blogspot.com/

www.hrw.org

Happy Hour Mini-Recap

2006-11-14T07:11:00.000-05:00

I-66 has a stellar recap of Blogsgiving. My duties as co-host included mingling, getting pawed, and talking about vibrators (more on that later). Here are some pics from the gathering. Thanks to everyone for coming out!

I Don't Have Tomorrow Off

2006-11-09T20:46:00.000-05:00

Screw all you people who have tomorrow off! Screw yous 3-day weekenders! But....now you can't use "work" as an excuse to miss Blogsgiving, Friday Nov 10 at Mackey's. I-66 and I will be your gracious hosts for the evening. Hope to see you all there!

Privilege

2006-11-06T21:04:00.000-05:00

I know I bitch and complain about lots of things, from the Metro to my punk-ass ex-boyfriend giving me back my well worn "Most Likely To Die Alone" crown, but I am lucky and blessed and privileged. I just got a new job, I have a caring family, and I have a maid.

Yes. A maid. I share a sweet-ass Real World style house with 4 other people. The home was built in August 2005 and essentially still looks like a model home. I have no idea why the landlords are letting a bunch of kids rent it, but I've simply stopped asking questions.

My house is great for entertaining and is large (I-66 and Mr. Virgle Kent can attest to this) - hence the roommate agreement to have a maid come once a month to clean the common areas top to bottom. The dining room, living room, family room, gourmet kitchen, laundry room, and hallways.

The dining room

The living room

The gourmet kitchen - where I try to live out my Everyday Italian fantasies

Some of my roommates pay extra to have the maid clean their rooms and bathrooms. I however did not elect to pay extra for this because a) I am an adult and can clean my own damn room b) i like using my Goodnest from Target Plum Grapefruit Cleaner to clean my bathroom. I'm not a near freak but I have my own order to things. My room is medium sized with lots of closet space - 1 walk in closet and 1 closet of shelves - and I have my own bathroom. I have ample room to stash things and remember where I put them.

Exhibit A: "Cute Shoes Shelf"

So imagine my surprise when I came into my room last week and found that the maid mistakenly cleaned my room for the 2nd month in a row. I did not indicate that I wanted to have my room cleaned. It was completely vacuumed, dusted, Cloroxed, etc. Now, I'm not complaining. But if I knew the maid was coming I would have picked up a little bit. Yes, I know that sounds silly but I think my Mom instilled this principle in me years ago. Also, now I can't find anything. The maid moved stuff around so much. I couldn't find my remote control for a day because it was not where I usually keep it (on the nightstand) but was on a shelf in my closet. Hmmm. I also can't find my iPod charger. Hmmm. And I am missing some thongs... Hmmm.....

But at the end of the day, if having my room rearranged is all I can gripe about then things aren't too bad. Well, except that this crown keeps sliding off my head and making it difficult to type...

Jive Turkeys

2006-11-01T19:06:00.000-05:00

I-66 and yours truly bring you Blogsgiving, Friday November 10th at Mackey's. 7pm. Bring the gravy, baby.

"This Ain't No Bank Robbery!"

2006-10-31T18:28:00.000-05:00

VP is currently deathly ill (but still wearing a pink boa because style is 24/7) and having fever induced dreams of Denzel Washington screaming, "This ain't no bank robbery! This ain't no fever VP!" because of the following reason:

A. VP went to a Halloween party where she consumed copious amounts of "punch" and made out with Jared Leto's dopppleganger
B. VP stayed outside in 28 degree weather at a wedding reception that included pineapple moonshine and a bonfire
C. From Friday to Sunday morning VP had a total of 4 hrs of sleep
D. All of the above (and throw in some shitty timing that tends to permeate VP's life)

If you picked D you would be correct. I am sick and missing Halloween :(

But I hope everyone else has a great Halloween.

Love,
VP a.k.a. "Dark Angel of Gucci"

Linda Cropp Loves Kylie Minogue

2006-10-25T09:31:00.000-05:00

Last night I had my first High Heel Drag Race experience. I'm very very tired so this post will be brief. The best part of the whole night was standing two feet away from Linda Cropp while she attempted to bob her head along to the Results Dance team performance. It was quite bizarre! Many thanks to Velvet for being hospitable and thanks to Nubian Temptress for the coffee and booze (and Diva257 for the laughs).

The pics are dark but I'm going to put them up anyway.

The Results Dance Team

This lady worked it

Mayoral candidate Adrian Fenty let his *ahem* hair down and smiled for "Princess Diana"

and her "security"

The Fanta girls rocked it but...

Those bitches ain't got nothing on me! (Halloween 2005)

Closure

2006-10-22T20:22:00.000-05:00

I'm still seeking closure. Today marks 2 months since the break-up and I am still hung up on him. Still wishing we were together, in spite of the shitty way he ended things. So for the past 2 weeks, I have bothered my ex to just say one thing to me: That he doesn't love me. It may sound weird to ask him to say it out loud to me, but I NEED it for closure. Because there are times when his actions speak much louder than those words, and there are times when he acts like he still cares. This whole month has been an emotional tsunami, and I really have no one to blame but myself.

So without going into all of the details, I wrote him an email in response to an email he sent regarding being out of town and wanting to see me in person:

EX,

I know you were out of town. You told me you would be. I'm not quite sure why you think we need to meet in person. I know I never suggested that and I don't think it's necessary. You certainly didn't think it was necessary to see me in person when you broke-up with me initially and you chose to do it over the phone.

If you do think we need to meet in person, that is fine, but you have dragged this out for 2 weeks. I'm sorry you don't feel well and I'm sorry you are traveling a lot. Avoiding confrontation might be your way of dealing with it but it's not my preferred method. And if you are already dating someone else and are avoiding talking to me out of respect for that person then you just need to say that.

All I ask is that you say you don't love me anymore. It shouldn't be that difficult to do since you have made it clear you don't want to be with me or talk to me ever again.

I know you don't need added stress to your life since work seems to be extremely busy, so if you just say what I need to hear then I won't contact you ever again according to your wishes. At least that way I can move on. I don't hate you but like I said, you seem to want to make me hate you and there is something that is just not right about that. I forgive you and I obviously still love you and I think hearing from you would be great. But it sucks to hear from you only every few days that "possibly" we can meet up and "possibly" you will call. Don't say those things if you don't mean them. I don't want to hear anymore "possiblys." Perhaps you can't understand that, but hearing all of these "possiblys" puts a sparkle of hope in my mind that is not valid. It's not fair.

I tend to think I am much more eloquent and honest via written communication anyway, so I hope you read this and realize that I am not trying to bitch you out - I'm just trying to express to you what I need right now. I don't need your "help" getting over this, even though you have been through a break-up before caused by your parents beliefs and your own personal agenda. I know that it hurts for you to have parents who are not fully open-minded but you've also clearly hurt me by how you have chosen to end this. I just hope that you stop hurting other people like this and just be honest with yourself. At the end of the day I definitely want you to be happy. And at the end when I stand before God and I'm asked what I'm most proud of in my life, I can honestly say that I loved freely and unconditionally. Not everyone can say that.

VP

I really want to believe he is a good person. But I'm starting to question that...so even if I don't get what I want, at least I can say that I was articulate and thoughtful until the very end.

Friday Boobies

2006-10-20T13:34:00.000-05:00

This post pains me. Literally. I can feel ouchie pains shooting up myboobs. I'm sure Patricia Arquette can not be comfortable in this:

I applaud her for having a normal shape and refusing to lose weight for her role on "Medium." But dear lord there is nothing medium about her. This is a BIG crime against her mammaries. Those puppies are glued to that dress stronger than Mark Foley's gay-dar. I have to give her a 4 for size, 2 for form, and a 0 for the outift and hair (its simply too distracting). So that averages to a 3.

Project Wrong-way!

2006-10-19T10:08:00.000-05:00

SPOILER ALERT - PR Finale, Olympus Fashion Week

Project Runway got it ALL wrong last night. Jeffrey? Are you kidding me? Uli's collection blew Jeffrey's away for sure. Michael and Laura's collections were a bit weaker than Uli's, but still for me both were more inspired and gorgeous than Jeffrey's. I think Michael has a great future in American sportswear design. Laura's was a bit too Alexis Carrington for me. I half expected the Dynasty cast to come out and start a bitch fight.

And since when is ripping-off Gwen Stefani's "Harajuku Lovers Style" a strong artistic statement worthy of winning money??

But why will I continue to watch PR? Because of Tim Gunn and quotes like this:

And finally, don't expect Spears to be a guest judge on the upcoming season of "Project Runway." Tim Gunn, the show's Yoda-like and even-handed fashion guru, is uncharacteristically ruthless when asked to weigh in on the Britster's sense of style.

"Aside from looking as though she's just been dragged out from under a truck that tried to run her over, she always looks like she's in need of personal hygiene," Gunn blasts to Us. "The whole package to me is just repugnant. Ugh!"

LOVE IT!!!

Law and Order: DC Unit

2006-10-17T15:13:00.000-05:00

I was at the Mayflower Hotel earlier today and literally bumped into Fred Thompson. I guess to some it would have been just a regular famous for DC type sighting, but the fact he is on one of the best TV shows EVAH and is a bad-ass (just look at the pic dammit), made it an OMG moment for me. I half expected him to start talking about how his office smells of rich mahogany and he's "kinda a big deal".....but alas he kept on walking and I returned to my hum-drum rainy day.

Friday Boobies - Sketchy Scanned Version Edition

2006-10-13T09:54:00.000-05:00

This picture of one of my faves, Scarlett Johanssen, has been floating around the internets recently. Though I wish there was a more clear version, it's the thought that counts right?

source: egotastic.com

Hot hot heat. Love her and the ta tas.

And now for a general PSA - it is quite nipply outside now. The weather will be increasingly getting colder, and more clothes are required. This doesn't mean you have to hide your boobies. You just have to be more creative ladies. May I suggest low-cut cashmere sweaters and don't forget the padded bra! Just because it is nipply outside, that doesn't mean I should be able to see your nipples.

Metro Orange Line Madness

2006-10-13T08:38:00.000-05:00

Usually Friday orange line trips are uneventful, as there are less people on the trains in general (flex time workers, gov agency schedules, etc.). But today was a gem of a ride. I got on at VA Square and there were delays beginning at Vienna due to track work or something. Trains were only coming every 7 minutes or so. I waited 5 minutes and then a train came - of course it was completely packed. I squeezed my way on and noticed that people standing in the middle of the car had lots of personal space. I however was being squished into some guys armpit. Not one person, either standing or sitting up, took the initiative to say, " Hey, everyone in the middle of the cars squeeze together and make more room for everyone." Everyone just stood around looking pissed.

So I took the initiative and yelled, "Everyone in the middle move closer together so there is less crowding around the doors. Someone could get hurt being squished up against the doors." Most people obliged and created space, but some gave me dirty looks. The nerve of people!!! It wasn't like I was asking them to shoot their dog. It was a genuine safety issue that needed to be addressed. It's just interesting how people are too worried about what others might think to stand up and be assertive. I shudder to think what would happen in a real emergency, like a terrorist attack or electric shortage. I guess people would just stand around, look pissed, and not take action.

***The only redeeming factor of the ride was when I switched to the Red Line there was a guy who I swear was Matt Leinart's twin. I soo wanted to jump his bones right there on the metro.

Ten Years Younger

2006-10-10T22:10:00.001-05:00

I'm not going to make this a weekly post, because frankly Friday Boobies takes top priority, but I'm curious as to how old people perceive others to be. I always get asked what "year" I am in college and I always politely say, "Bee-yotch I graduated 2 years ago."

There is a show on TLC I believe called "Ten Years Younger" or something. I refer to the show as "Make 30-Year Old Women Cry By Pointing out Their Crow's Feet." Basically they take a woman out in the street and ask random people how hold they think she is. Usually they think she is 5-10 years older than she actually is based on appearance. It's clearly mean.

Anyway, I was watching a re-run of CSI and this actress played the role of a mother mourning the loss of her 20-something year old daughter:

This is Melinda Clarke and she also plays Marissa's mom on The O.C. She is pretty much the resident M.I.L.F. in TV land. However, whenever I catch a glimpse of her on TV I go, "Hmmm who is that new young actress? She can't possibly be over the age of 29." Until I realize who she is and how many ADULT chidren she is suposedly mothering on TV. In this case I think she looks much younger than she is.

So my long winded post leads to this question: Based upon this picture, how old is Melinda Clarke? Leave your guesses.

(No Googling or IMDB-ing!! Leave your honest response.)

Maple Macchiatos Are Back!!!!!

2006-10-09T08:43:00.000-05:00

Forget Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Brush off Pomegranate Fraps. Disregard Americano blend.

MAPLE MACCHIATOS ARE BACK PEOPLE!!!!(Well, at least at the Starbucks at 7th and H NW).

Sooo delicious, like they steamed the state of Vermont's maple syrup reserves and mixed it with the sight of fall foliage. Classic. I first had it last fall in Hartford, CT and have been pining for it ever since.

For those suckers like me working on Columbus Day, go grab a Maple Macchiato. You deserve it!

Friday Boobies

2006-10-06T07:06:00.000-05:00

Janet, we all know you are hot for being 40 something, and you have one of the best Photoshop/airbrush teams in the biz, but I am really tired of seeing your boobies. Have you not encountered a turtle neck sweater that you like? Perhaps cashmere? I hear Banana Republic has some nice ones. Anyway, I hope you put them away soon, probably after your media blitz for the album. You lose points for over-exposure and plastic-like appearance. Score: 3. Poor form Janet, poor form.

Bah

2006-10-03T21:18:00.000-05:00

Fuck Arlington County. Fuck my roommate with that annoying dog yelping all the god damn time. Fuck Dave for ruining my life. Fuck Dave for being a pussy and not standing up for me. Fuck my job and my nosy boss. Fuck property tax. Fuck Matt for being too self-involved to ever love me. Fuck me for forever loving Matt. Fuck my landlord. Fuck my "carb-tooth." Fuck Mark Foley (not literally, kids). Fuck girls who wear foundation and eyeliner to the gym. Fuck marriage. Fuck marriage to girls who wear foundation and eyeliner to the gym. Fuck the crowded Orange line. Fuck. It. Now.

Finally, A Win

2006-10-01T21:59:00.000-05:00

I just got home from the amazing game at FedEx Field. I swear I think Santana Moss is as high as a Goodyear blimp every time he steps on the field, but if his smoked-out ass keeps making plays like the last one that got us our victory over the Jaguars we might just have a winning season!

The Myth, The Legend: The Return of Friday Boobies

2006-09-29T09:28:00.000-05:00

It's been a crazy couple of weeks here in VP land. I know I have left some of you distraught by the absence of the venerable institution that is Friday Boobies.

Do not fret my dears. Friday Boobies is here and it's fierce. I can think of no other lady to kick-off this rebirth of mammaries, than one of my fave Brit imports:

Ahhhh she is just a breath of fresh air and ta tas. Score: 9. I hope everyone has a great weekend and wow I can't believe it's October already!

My Guy

2006-09-28T13:44:00.000-05:00

I'm slowly readjusting to sleeping alone in my bed. It sucks. I've taken to curling up with my 15 decorative pillows, Kermit the Frog stuffed toys, and numerous blankets/throws.

But now with this nifty product I can have my own guy to cuddle with.

The My Guy pillow can be stuffed with any standard pillow and the arm attached to provide that all important comfort zone.

Is this just a wee-bit sad? Yes. Is it a wee-bit funny? Of course!

Urban Myths

2006-09-27T09:12:00.000-05:00

Nip/Tuck has jumped shipped and gone into unsavable territory. Last night's story line involved (SPOILER ALERT) Liz meeting a babe at a lesbian bar, taking the hottie home, and then Liz waking up without HER LIVER. Come on Nip/Tuck! What happened to your writers? Did they all catch e. coli from a tainted spinach bacon and egg salad (yummmm) which left you scrambling for suitable writers? I guess all they could find were 14 year old boys who once heard a story from drunk Uncle Johnny about having a few Coors at a bar and then waking up missing an organ. The show is pretty unbearable to watch now and damn creepy (don't get me started on Sean sleeping with the teenage baby sitter who looks 35, the midget caregiver, and Matt becoming a Scientologist).

Actually, you can tell the writers are 14 year olds because the best line of the night came from Christian when he said, "My your chocolate cupcakes are looking yummy today," referring to Sanaa Lathan's bosom.

On a slightly related note, did anyone see the Fox5 report about people falling through grates on sidewalks? I thought this was just another urban myth, and yet I still avoid grates when possible, mostly because I wear heels, but also because the thought of falling through one freaks me out. Has anyone read about this topic on Snopes?

We Built This City on Rock & Roll (...and Douchebags)

2006-09-26T09:49:00.000-05:00

So last night I went to Hotel Washington with Law-rah, MappyB, DCSC, Sweet, Buggie, Heather, Velvet, and Marci. Totally impromptu and totally what I needed - drinks, fun smart girls, and a spectacular view of DC. I can't believe I've never been up there before! It was such a treat because the weather was awesome and we saw someone very special get dropped off on the lawn at the White House.

But of course it wouldn't be DC without some douchebags in attendance. Us gals were having a grand time talking about penis cake molds and Harleys when this tiny drunk man with frosted, gelled, and shallacked hair yells, "Shut Up!" in our direction. His friends are clearly embarrased and they leave soon after. Our waiter told us he knew we were not the problem and the dude had a little too much to drink. But the fact Tiny Dude felt compelled to make a scene and try to be cool was just sad. Buggie pointed out that there is just a certain something about DC people that is so off-putting and well, unwelcome at times.

This brings me to another story from this past weekend. I went with 2 college friends to Science Club (btw I LOVE the bartenders there) and there was a group of guys in a corner. One guy in particular kept looking in our direction and he finally came over to strike up a conversation. I wish he hadn't. He was cute but had a terrible attitude. He talked about how much non-profits sucked for not hiring him, how he now works at the United Way answering phones, and he hates that Cap Hill is so partisan. Ummm ok. He then asks my group where we live (Virginia). He then responds, "Oh so none of you live in DC." No. We just said we live in VA. I asked him how long he had been living in Cap Hill and he said "about 6 months (I think he said that - I was sorta tuning him out at that point) and he's from New Jersey."

So wait a minute. You are not even from the DC metro area and you are going to give me a lecture on bi-partisanship and DC? No thanks. If you weren't living here when our team was the Bullets and you never got busted at Buzz at Nation, don't you EFFIN dare tell me anything about DC.

I was clearly disgusted with him and he said, "Oh I guess you don't want to talk to me anymore and you're like rolling your eyes and stuff." At that point I politely excused myself to the bathroom and left my poor friends there but I knew if I talked to him any longer I was going to throw my delicious sour apple martini on his wrinkled button down shirt. The best part was when he said he liked to go to "singles bars" and "pick up girls." Then he suavely added, "But don't worry I'm not trying to pick up you girls." Well, thank you Mr. Turd Douchebag for clarifying. To top it all off he tried to hang out and follow us to our next bar. I pretty much told him to go back to his friends and have a great evening.

In the end I still love, and will always love, Washington, DC. I have considered it my home for the past 13 years. I know there are wonderful people in DC who are caring, compassionate, and enjoyable. I'm friends with some of these people. But I'm wondering, why is this city filled with tons of people with huge turd chips on their shoulders??

Wide Open Spaces

2006-09-20T21:24:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I felt like screaming but decided there was no place to do it. Today I felt like screaming. I was preparing to go to the corner of 7th and I NW and just belt it out. But I quickly realized that it might create some safety concerns and worried looks.

So where does one go to scream? Short of some desolete island, wooded area or far corner of Antartica, there are not too many places where you can go to scream and be alone (and I don't really "do" outdoorsy places). I thought about driving out to Skyline Drive area at night, getting out at one of those scenic overlook spots and just screaming my guts out. Although I know if my parents found out I drove there by myself and stopped at some random spot they would NOT be pleased. But I need a wide open space where I can look up into the stars and hope they receive my spirit.

Until I can find that place, at some point in time when I am in my car I am going to scream and let it all out.

I Don't Feel Like Dancing

2006-09-18T21:53:00.000-05:00

Since I am depressed and wailing like a banshee at night until I pass out from exhaustion, I decided to indulge in buying CDs and discovering new music. There is nothing like a good CD to get you out of a funk for awhile.

First - go here: http://myspace.com/scissorsisters and stream their new CD. It's disco-tastic and "I Don't Feel Like Dancing" is the most peppy song about just wanting to stay your ass at home. I can not WAIT to see them live at Virgin Festival this Saturday along with RHCP, The Who, Gnarls Barkley, The Killers, Kasabian, Brazilian Girls, and Gnarls Barkley!

Second - Van Morrison's Moondance. Where the EFF has this CD been all my life? Seriously, I have listened to it non-stop. So bittersweet really. Songs like "Crazy Love" and "These Dreams of You" hit close to home. But I have decided that if I do someday get married (I seriously don't think I ever will) "Moondance" will be my wedding song. It's just totally me.

Third - Maroon 5- Songs About Jane. I know I'm about 2 yrs too late on buying this. I've heard the CD lots of times but never owned it. Now it's mine and having a CD about a bad break-up is good right now.

Lastly - I know I've already discussed Justin Timberlake in my previous post but I am really digging this CD. "FutureSex/Lovesound" (track #1) gets the CD HOT right from the start. "Love Stoned/I Think She Knows Me" has such a sweet little beat. And "Until The End of Time" surprised me the most, sounding like some straight up Jodeci. Mmmmmm, so groovy. Love it! Grab a lover. Grab a random. Grab anybody and get down on it!

Dammmmnnnnn Justin

2006-09-13T22:22:00.000-05:00

Dear Justin,

Your new CD makes me want to do naughty things to you, as well as touch myself. I can't even listen to your CD at work because I start grinding in my leather chair. Keep up the good work.

Love and wicked beats,

VP of Dior

Chasing Cars

2006-09-11T22:03:00.000-05:00

Soooo, when nursing a broken heart it's probably not best to mix the new Snow Patrol album with wine. This dangerous combo led me to beg a friend for a ticket so I could go to the show last night at the 930 club.

The show was great and Snow Patrol deserves all the hype. They aren't just a Coldplay redux - actually if I could pick a few bands they sound like I would have to say they're a mix of Coldplay, Radiohead, Belle and Sebastian, and Manic Street Preachers. Blend together and BAM! A killer sound, especially live. I think people would have been surprised how much they rock live.

And of course, Snow Patrol played their sappy love songs, which tugged at my heart with the utmost sincerity. This fall Snow Patrol will be everywhere, considering "Chasing Cars" is on Grey's Anatomy Vol.2 soundtrack (it plays when Denny dies....oh shit I'm already tearing up) and "Chocolate" from the first album is on the "The Last Kiss" soundtrack. Bring out the Kleenex!

We Want a Maury Povich Paternity Test!!!

2006-09-07T19:45:00.000-05:00

Open. Set of Maury Povich Show taping on September 7, 2006.

Maury: Chris Klein.....You are the father of 4-month old Suri Cruise! The DNA (and pics) don't lie!

Audience Member #1: (sound of laughing and cackling)You know that damn baby looks like you! You have the same eyes!

Tom Cruise: Y'all shutup! I'm gonna be the only daddy this baby knows!!! L. Ron will be the judge of that!!

Fade to black.

Pause and......BREATHE.....

2006-09-05T19:41:00.000-05:00

So I've got a lot of issues swirling around in my head. I had a pretty nice get-away in VA Beach where the weather was fab. Unfortunately I got myself a ticket for jaywalking (the cop had nothing better to do) and I got sick with bronchitis and laryngitis. But the worst part is that my vacation was fleeting because I've returned to the exact same sadness I've inhabited for the past 2 weeks.

I can't pretend like I'm doing "OK" right now but what else can you say to people? I really want to answer this too common question by saying exactly how I feel: How am I doing? You know when you get your blood pressure taken and the band closes around your arm and you feel every pulse, every piece of DNA pumping through your veins so acutely that it makes you terribly aware that you are alive? I feel like my entire being is wrapped in one of those bands and I am being squeezed into the reality that every part of myself - the pain, the misery, the sadness, the sickness, the anger, the bitterness, the fear, the uncertainty, the hope, the joy, the faith, the crushing sense of defeat - is fully alive. I feel everything. This is who I am. This is my curse: that I've always been the kind of person to feel everything so intensely that it hurts. Maybe it's better to be the kind of person who numbs the pain and insists on never feeling every heart string, every answered and unanswered prayer. I don't know. For now I guess I can just go about my daily solitary routines of work, gym, reading, shopping, etc. All I can really do at the end of the day is survive and be grateful for all that I have right now.

El Ernesto

2006-08-31T16:34:00.000-05:00

Damn you Ernesto!!

I was looking forward to a relaxing va-cay in VA Beach with my friends, sipping margaritas and lounging in my girl's hot tub. But your a little bitch and decided to get stronger and threaten to dump your load all over the area.

Now listen up. I've had a very rough, stressful week with my boyfriend dumping me, work anxiety, messed up cell phone, sleeplessness, and overall sucktitude. I am really looking forward to getting away from it all. I haven't taken one vacation this summer (MK and I were planning something for September but that's out the window now) so Enersto you best stay away from the East Coast. Go swirl around in the Atlantic and dissipate. Got it?? Good!

Time Is Not on My Side

2006-08-28T15:22:00.000-05:00

If you see a girl walking around the streets of DC, looking like she lost her best friend, groping an empty bottle of Tylenol PM, and crying - it's VP of Dior. No need to be alarmed I guess. VP will probably be in a despondent mood for quite some time, trying to pick up the pieces of her broken heart that are scattered like debris from a garbage truck. And no, she doesn't want to hear, "Time will tell," or " Only time can help you to get over this." Time is not on her side and it never has been.

The End

2006-08-22T22:15:00.000-05:00

I knew this post was coming, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Malibu Ken broke up with me tonight.

I can officially re-gain my title as "Most Likely to Die Alone."

Dog-Gonnit

2006-08-22T13:48:00.000-05:00

I am in a funk.

Life keeps throwing shit at me.

First, I hate my landlord. I am moving to a room w/ a private bathroom inside the same house I moved to in June and she is raising my rent, along with everyone else's rent by $50, even though she told all the tenants she wouldn't. Then she complains about other roommates moving out/ new tenants and having to keep coming by the house to coordinate things. IT'S YOUR FUCKING JOB TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR PROPERTY. AND YOU LIVE 3 MILES AWAY YOU SILLY WHORE.

Second, my landlord gives me a "courtesy call" today and informs me that a possible new tenant who might be arriving September 1 has a dog she will be bringing. Ummm that's not cool. No one else in the house has a dog, I don't like pet hair, and my boyfriend is allergic to all kinds of pet dander. Also, my house is ridiculously nice and only 1 yr old so why is the landlord willing to let a dog come in and mess up the joint?? My landlord simply does not know how to manage a property.

The whole reason we are getting this new tenant is because the girl vacating that room was getting STALKED by a guy she used to date and he apparently tried to break into her window on the 2nd floor 4 days ago. Helllllooooooo Drama! I am seriously scared that the nut might try to come back and get into the house and do something stupid. I'm thinking of getting the police involved. I refuse to be a Lifetime movie.

Additionally, I had an employment opportunity present itself and then seemingly slip away.....

Finally, my boyfriend has been acting peculiar for the last week and I don't know how to approach this. I have not had a conversation with him lasting more than 2 minutes for the pastOn the one hand, if he is doing anything dubious I will cut his balls off. On the other hand if it's simply a case of him needing space, why can't he be a grown up and say it?? I guess that would require too much maturity :(

A Heaving Yelping of Reviews

2006-08-21T10:55:00.000-05:00

I like D.C. and I also like to go out to different establishments in D.C. So when I learned about Yelp, I decided to join. Now, this isn't a walking advertisement. I just think that this is a really cool website and it allows you to write reviews of your favorite places in D.C. Think of it as a more interactive version of Craigslist and AOL City Guide.

I've written a few reviews but the one that seems to get the "funny" tags is this one I wrote about Clarendon Ballroom:

"Ugg why does this place charge a cover?? For Wed $1 beer its only $1-2 cover, but some nights it is more. On the weekends the DJ plays awful music in the main dance hall when there isn't a band. Like I really want to hear MC Hammer on a night out on the town! And the clientele is your typical Arlington Fratty McFrat Rho Di Kegga Class of 04. The only saving grace is the rooftop because hey, who doesn't like to drink on a rooftop?"

I wrote this in April and I haven't been to Ballroom all summer. Has anything really changed at the Ballroom? Is there still bad dancing and average looking guys??

Friday Boobies

2006-08-18T06:28:00.000-05:00

An oldie but goodie:

She just makes it sooo easy! She gets a 0 for being fake fake fake and drugged out out out.

Birthday Week, Part Deux and Restaurant Week

2006-08-17T10:33:00.000-05:00

It's been a very busy bday week in VP land!

Monday - Went to Acadiana for lunch. Malibu Ken took me to Georgia Browns for the first restaurant Week** dinner stop. I received drop dead gorg flowers (I have a pic on my camera but a) can't find the cable to upload, boooo; b) even if I had the cable Blogger is preventing me from uploading pics). At dinner we sat near another woman who shared by bday.

Tuesday - Tons of bday wishes from friends and family continue to come in. Spoke with my Grandma on the phone who is too cute. She just got her first cell phone and was joking about sending text messages. I also went to Kathryn's Pilates class and got my ass kicked!

Wednesday - Stopped by Tapatinis for their new promo "Ladies Drink Free Wine from 5-9pm and Try to Avoid Getting Hit on by Smooth, Older Black Gentlemen" night. Well, that's what they should have called it. Actually, the free wine was legit so I will definitely be returning. Then I went a few blocks over to my friend's house for our monthly W&M dinner. The theme this month was "Mexican Fiesta" so we had tacos, burritos, guac, Coronas, and nachos. Tre authentic!

Thursday (today) - My work hosts a lunch for the month's bdays so today I get all the Papa John's I want. Tonight I have a dinner date with an old friend at Corduroy. I heard the scallops are to die for and its all local, seasonal products. Basically my goal this week is to not gain 100 lbs by eating massive amounts of yummy food.

*So a quick note on Restaurant Week:

For the last ResWeek in January '06 I went to two places- 1789 and Galileo. My post about it is here. Basically, 1789 was HAWT and Malibu Ken and I were able to sit in the main room by the fireplace, the food was awesome, and the service impeccable. Try the lamp chops.

Galileo on the other hand was very disappointing. Everyone's food came out lukewarm. As if they didn't heat it up enough in the microwave or it was sitting out away from any kind of heat lamp. I wasn't impressed with the flavors, nor the service.

So coming back to Georgia Brown's this past Monday. It was delicious! They had a special menu where you could select from two options for each entree. For my appetizer I selected a shrimp cocktail kabob with a rum sauce glaze and mango chunks. It was pretty good but I wish the shrimp kabob was a hot dish. MK opted to order from the regular menu and got a bowl of she-crab soup. I can say that the soup was probably the most tasty part of the night. It was very thick but not overpowering.

The main course for me was a New York Strip steak with goat cheese and peppercorn and a grits cake. Outstanding, really. The steak was done to perfection and the goat cheese was a nice compliment to the tangy peppercorn. I don't even like grits, but the grit cake had a firmer texture that reminded me of a tater tot. MK opted for the fried chicken on top of garlic mashed potatoes with collard greens. The boy loves food anyway but he really likes fried chicken and said it was delicious.

For dessert I had an apple tart and MK had a pecan chocolate pie. My tart was OK, but MK's was sooo rich and decadent.

Overall, I was very impressed with Georgia Brown's and would take just about anyone there to enjoy their scrumptious food. The service was very very good as well.

So where have you all gone/will go for DC's Restaurant Week???

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEE

2006-08-14T14:15:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Birthday week continues tonight with dinner at Georgia Browns. Should be delicious. I had a party in my honor on Saturday where I-66 and Virgle Kent represented (pics to come later) and a wonderful lunch with my family at Carrabbas yesterday (seriously, the BEST Italian food out there).

And now drumroll please for the winners of "Ode to a VP":

Grand Prize:

I-66 - my "half-bro." Congrats! Check your email tomorrow for prize redemption!

Half sister of mine
Best boobs of all DC blogs
Happy birthday, you.

Runner up:
O-FACE
*Fingers snap 4 times
Sky is blue for the frost of heaven
Life is clear for the toss of newness
Friday Boobies are a weekly ritual in my hell
Vinegar taste delicious on fries

Second Runner up:
Needtsza
Leo Leo
Lioness Dream
Krotchity King of Kazoombas

Friday Boobies

2006-08-11T12:35:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday Boobies! This is a groundbreaking day because we have our first Boobies repeat. And I think the lady is quite deserving:

For her first post, I wrote that Heidi Klum is the most photogenic person on earth. I also gave her a score of 8, but after seeing these pics I'm going to upgrade her to a 9. Bonus points for having two kids (these pics were taking recently, probably during her first trimester because she is now expecting her third child). She is definitely one of my faves!

Ode to a VP

2006-08-10T08:16:00.000-05:00

In honor of my bday week, which begins Aug 12, I invite all of you wonderful bloggers to submit odes in my honor. So create your best poems, haikus, lyrical ballads, sestinas, sonnets, epics, or limericks. The theme - ME, the VP of Dior.

You have until Monday Aug 14 at 9am to submit. The top 3 winners will be selected and posted. The grand prize winner will receive my love and adoration. The runner-up will just receive my adoration (can't spread my love too thin!) and maybe a jpeg of my boobs. Good luck and god speed!

Bonus points for Beatnik style renditions via a YouTube clip!

What does my reflection show?

2006-08-06T18:52:00.000-05:00

This is my 200th post. As a milestone post I couldn't help but think about my growing pains and experiences these last 6 months. I'll be 24 in 1 week, and already feeling mighty old ;)

In the last six months I made the leap to a new job, met more blogger friends, got rid of some old friends, joined a gym, lost weight, came to realize that my little bro ain't so little, and basically overall I have tried to be a good person.

The last six months I have focused on my relationship with Malibu Ken and invested effort unseen in any of my previous relationships. There have been nights where I chose to hang out with him because I couldn't imagine not being in his arms and there have been other times when I felt obligated to be by his side. I have considered moving to another city with him. I've considered moving to another city without him. I've endured days and weeks at a time with not seeing him because of his job. I've gotten jealous of him looking at other girls. A lot. He's gotten mad because of other guys looking at me. We've gotten into one major fight - and the look in his eyes that spelled out the hurt made me never want to fight again. I've felt my heart soften in ways I couldn't believe it would. I've become a tad less selfish. I've expressed my displeasure with his family's beliefs and behavior. I've cried myself to sleep at night because of the pressure. I've been depressed for weeks and unable to express this to him. Hell, I'm crying right now just thinking about all of this. I've tried to get him to see that relationships are not always a cakewalk and just because our personalities are laidback does not mean our relationship will always be that way.

So this leads me to question this relationship, and question myself even more concerning how I behave and how I have evolved into myself. I don't want this relationship to define me right now. But what happens as I grow and change while MK grows and changes in a different direction? How will I pick up the pieces if this doesn't last? How wonderful would it be to grow and change together? I'm not sure which circumstance scares me more....

Friday Boobies

2006-08-04T14:02:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday Boobies!

I have to admit, I was not sold on Anne Hathaway until I saw The Devil Wears Prada. In that movie she finally appeared grown up and with those boobies shows no sign of The Princess Diaries days:

Her décolletage looks lovely. If any of you have seen her controversial movie Havoc, then you know you see a lot more than what you see here. I'm going to give her and her graceful boobies a 6.5.

Personal Space

2006-08-03T15:54:00.000-05:00

Earlier today I went to the Subway on H St where I often like to micro-manage the creation of my sandwich of choice, usually a Spicy Italian on Hearty Italian w/ tomatoes, onions, spinach, peppers, oil & vinegar, and spicy mustard - NO LETTUCE. I swear to god those sandwich "artists" always reach for the lettuce like babies reach for a tit and DUMP a pound of lettuce on top of my delicious provolone, pepperoni, and ham..why ruin it? WHY??

Ahem...anyway, this Subway is undoubtedly the smallest Subway in the US (sq footage on 1 floor criteria). The minute you enter the door you are squished between the right edge of the counter and those standing in line. I was waiting patiently in line when two women entered and instead of going in line behind me like most normal people would, they stood beside me to my right. They stood very close to me for no apparent reason other than they clearly don't believe in personal space. I listened for an accent because maybe they were European and not at all about personal space. Nope, they were definitely American. I took a shift to my left and scooted up a bit but one women just moved closer to me and was practically in my ear. So I try to ignore this but instead gave her a dirty look to imply, "Back the eff up." But she only came closer. To bring it all home she turned to her friend and said, "This morning I woke up and felt gross. I think I'm coming down with something." Great, I've got bird flu lady right beside me breathing in my ear and making me anxious in this enclosed space. So again I tried to scoot up away from her and order my sandwich in peace. I was successful in preventing her from breathing all over my Spicy Italian and had a wonderful lunch. I think I might return tomorrow, armed with Lysol and a big bag to keep my personal space at a premium!

She's Gotta Have It

2006-07-31T21:49:00.000-05:00

Occasionally, I get obsessed with products, food, CDs, concepts, etc that permeate my life for a good two weeks. Having a shopping addiction doesn't help either. Once my mind is locked into something I HAVE to have it. So here are my current obsessions that keep me up at night and nourish the body:

1. Feta cheese - I'll put it on just about anything. Last week I threw some feta on a Philly Cheesesteak that unfortunately was sans cheese and a little dry. Feta in my salad. Feta on my pizza. Feta in my omelet.

2. Purses - I own too many for one woman. I collect purses like most girls do with shoes. I have never been in to shoes. I could go barefoot a la Fred Flintstone and as long as I was carrying a a soft, buttery, Prussian blue purse like I just bought at Barney's then I would be fine. This is a true lifelong obsession.

3. Tropical Passion Fruit Scent from Bath and Body Works - I am a devotee of Sweet Pea, but Tropical Passion Fruit (TPF) is giving my fave scent a run for its money. The TPF lamp oil, lotion, and shower gel is heaven. I imagine Miss Dominican Republic must smell like this all the time....

4. Red Hot Chili Peppers, Stadium Arcadium - This CD has not left the player in my car for 2 months. "Animal Bar", "Hump de Bump", "Charlie", "Especially in Michigan", etc. etc. the hits just keep on coming. And I'm seeing them at the Virgin Music Festival.

5. Air conditioning - self-explanatory. Stay hydrated everyone.

6. Planning my Bday month - There are so many questions: Will this year's Bday be as hot and steamy as last year's? Will Kathryn bring stickers for everyone?? Will Malibu Ken totally surprise me with a cool gift? How many times can I dine out the week of my Bday (Aug 14 which happens to be Restaurant Week)? Fidel Castro was born the day before me so maybe he can fly over to help me celebrate? Happy Bday Fidel!

Friday Boobies

2006-07-28T13:34:00.000-05:00

Was I under a rock somehwere when Christina Aguilera got a boob job?

This is a fairly recent picture and it seems like "the girls" are a bit fuller and judging from the nippleage Christina is not wearing a bra. All signs point to boob job. If it is true then her surgeon should be commended. Her ta tas don't look like flotation devices. I'll give her a 6. Not totally mediocre but not too noteworthy.

SexyBack

2006-07-27T09:58:00.000-05:00

I'm bringin' sexy back
Them other fuckers don't know how to act
Girl let me make up for all the things you lack
Because you're burning up I got to get it fast

Have y'all heard the new Justin Timberlake song, "SexyBack"? At first I was a little confused about this song. JT's voice sounds like it's being filtered through a Cuisinart by Daft Punk and his Prince-cum-boy band thug vibe is suspicious. But after I saw the video (view it here being intrHO-d by yummy Stephen from Laguna Beach) I can't help but think that JT has got it going ON and he is just so damn sexy. Like you just want to lick movie theater popcorn butter off of him..

.....Ahem moving on to another former 'N Sync member, it seems Lance Bass is finally coming out of the closet. He is revealing his "secret" as the cover boy for the new issue of People, sort of how Ellen Degeneres went public in Time. Frankly I don't think anyone really cares about Lance Bass anymore and Perez Hilton called Lance out a few months ago anyway so everyone already had a pretty good idea of which way he swings. But I give mucho props for dating a really hot guy with a really weird name: Reichen Lehmkul. Looks like JT isn't the only one who's gotten The SexyBack!

Sniffles McSniffleson

2006-07-25T11:54:00.000-05:00

I'm sick :( I have an ear infection and a sinus infection to accompany it. I haven't had an ear infection since I was about 10 years old. Yesterday at work, after suffering through a busy day, I informed the higher ups that I would be leaving early to see an Urgent Care doctor and get some medicine. One of them replied, " Well you sound sick but you don't really look sick." I guess I take that as a compliment and an insult for two reasons:

1. Just because I'm sick does not mean I can't put on my best face and look presentable. When I got ready that morning I made it a point to not wallow too much in the sickness and put on some damn mascara. Any lady would.

2. How does "sick" look? Just because I didn't schlep into the office and hype up the dramatics with loud nose blowing and complaining doesn't mean I'm not sick. I felt terrible but managed to pull together a cute outfit and brave the commute to get there. Give me some credit!

Friday Boobies

2006-07-21T15:10:00.000-05:00

My apologies for the late Friday Boobies. My job has been sucking major ass right now. Anyway, today's feature lady is non other than dancing queen/Percoset bandit Paula Abdul:

There are no words to explain the huge gap in her chest. Poor form Paula. That's two steps forward and 100 steps back for her bosom. She's really giving Tara Reid a run for her money for worse boob job. I'm giving Paula a score of 0.5.

TRL :Total Regurgitation Live

2006-07-19T20:12:00.000-05:00

Forget the miniseries based on Stephen King's "Nightmares and Dreamscapes" or the scary animated movie Monster House - this is the real nightmare:

I'm sorry I should have warned you to not look directly into Carson Daly's eyes. You'll be turning to stone any second now....

OK, seriously. WHAT happened to him? Hey, cocaine is a helluva drug. Or maybe he has cancer...or maybe he is suffering from manorexia and buying into the La La Land hype of being skinny. This is how he used to look:

Check out that healthy glow, filled in cheeks and nice smile. What happened Carson?? Ohh ohhhh I got it now. The Tara Reid Fugly disease rubbed on him and has finally manifested itself, even though it's been several years since they dated. Whatever the case I wish him a healthy recovery!

Fievel Must Die

2006-07-17T10:57:00.000-05:00

Our building has a mouse problem. Or rather the building has mice - more than one has been spotted. I came into work this morning and was welcomed by lots of mouse droppings on my desk. Shit on my desk folks. I guess shit on my desk is an entirely fitting way to start a Monday....

This Just In: Madonna ROCKS....Now Back to Regular Programming for Friday Boobies

2006-07-14T14:51:00.000-05:00

The spectacle that I had the pleasure of seeing last night was a truly memorable performance from Madonna. Words, along with any pictures I could have taken, would not have done her performance justice. She is one of the rarest of people who can combine beauty, grace, appealing imagery, unsettling images, music, energy, dance, masculinity, femininity, vision, spunk, and showmanship and turn it into a show that leaves you begging for more.

There were so many favorite parts of the show I could go on for days...but if you have the chance to see the show, the opening equestrian sequence will blow you away and the remix of "Erotic" will have you happily fevered.

Madonna rocks and that's all there is to it.

*****************************************************************************

Time for Friday Boobies. Now, maybe it's just because I'm tired from driving all night, but did Winona Ryder actually go out in public with her boobies looking like this?:

I mean I give her props for trying to defy gravity and all, but that's no reason to present your boobs as two bald babies competing to be the first out of the birth canal (her dress). Winona gets a score of 5 and a yellow card for abuse of cleavage.

My Baby's Got A Secret...

2006-07-13T13:21:00.000-05:00

Actually there's no secret here -I'M GOING TO SEE MADONNA IN PHILLY TONIGHT!!!! Section 102 baby!! I bought the tickets so long ago it seemed I might forget. But oh no, tonight I have a date with her royal Madge-esty. I've heard the show is awesome and the last time I saw her concert I was floored by her performance. Hopefully I'll have time tomorrow to do Friday Boobies considering that I'm driving back from Philly tonight and will probably only get 3 hrs of sleep. But Madonna is totally worth it!!

"We'll Have Her In Stilettos In No Time"

2006-07-13T08:34:00.000-05:00

Did everyone else watch Project Runway 3 last night? The cast appears to be very talented and although the first challenge was a little cliche, the designs produced were good. Most of the contestants' designs have a polish to them that I think has been missing in other seasons. I won't give too much away but here are some of my fave contestant breakdowns:

Keith - A menswear designer who has never really made women's clothing. He is clearly talented and I believe can drape the shit out of just about anything (including a duvet cover).
Character Drawback: He is completely smarmy.
Could be a doppleganger for what celebrity?: A smarmy Jude Law

Vincent - A mad-scientist when it comes to designs, he is a fashion industry veteran who had his own line in the 80's. Sadly it appears his design ideas are also from the 80's.
Character Drawback: He's a little too wacky. He possibly scares small children.
Could be a doppleganger for what celebrity?: Woody Allen

Robert - He worked under Izaac Mizrahi and now designs outfits for Barbie at Mattel. I think that's a pretty awesome job to have but I guess after awhile it would get old making clothes for dolls and not real people. He loves fabrics and drag queen clothing. Honestly, who doesn't? But maybe the Barbie influence will make his designs a little too cutesy...
Character Drawback: I couldn't really find a drawback. I like him.
Could be a doppleganger for what celebrity?: Nick V. from season 2 of PR

Malan - Ohhh dearrrr. He is simmplly too mahhhhvelous for the show. This "British" actor/designer made it on to season 2 of PR but declined to come on. WHO TURNS DOWN TIM GUNN AND HEIDI KLUM? He is clearly delusional. And the accent. Uggg: "I reallyyyy would preferhh using betterrr fabriiiics." I really would prefer if you stopped the fake London accent and speak like the Jersey boy we know you really are.
Character Drawback: Pompous attitude. Bad greasy hair. Flair for the dramatic.
Could be a doppleganger for what celebrity?: Gary Numan circa 1985

So I don't have a clear cut winner in my mind just yet....but one thing was clear from last night's show - this season promises to be dramatic!

p.s. - Don't you just lurve Michael Kors? I would let him eat crackers in my bed!

Pay It Forward

2006-07-12T08:52:00.000-05:00

I've been working out a lot and trying to get in better shape. I've lost 5 pounds so far due to lots of hours logged at "Casa de Short Shorts" aka Ballston Gold's Gym. I swear I've never seen so many girls wear makeup while working out. And it seems some of the girls there are HATERS and give everyone dirty looks.... but for the most part I find the people there OK. Anyway, Monday night at the gym I was putting my hair back with a hair tie when horror of horrors the hair tie snapped. I normally wear 2-3 on my wrist but had no such luxury that day. I figured I could just seek one out in the ladies locker room. So I politely asked girl after girl if she could offer up a hair tie. NO ONE had an extra hair tie. At this point I was getting frantic. The next girl I asked was on her way out the door and very sympathetic. Although she did not have an extra hair tie she offered up what was at that time holding her hair back - a big scrunchie.

And she was sweaty from working out so I'm sure the scrunchie was sweaty as well. God bless her for being so generous but I had to decline her offer. I'm not one to work out with my hair down and I honestly don't know how anyone could, but I had to stick to the fashion over function edict. So I approached the info desk at the entrance and inquired about a rubber band. Apparently they don't keep rubber bands in stock there, further providing evidence to my mounting case that the Gold's front desk staffers are useless.

Then there was a break in the dark clouds of hair despair. I asked a woman going up the stairs to the locker room if she had a hair tie and she happened to have an extra one securing her wallet, but she was able to part with it and give it to me. Disaster avoided. I know it's a bit melodramatic but I think I would have had to go home if I hadn't found a hair tie. Anyway, from now on I'm keeping an extra stash of hair ties in my car so that this won't happen to anyone else. That's called paying it forward everyone (just not with scrunchies...).

Friday Boobies

2006-07-07T06:39:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday Boobies and the first boobies post of July. Today's lovely lady is a D-list celebrity who "anchors" (I use the term loosely) "Access Hollywood."Maria Menounos is a Greek cutie who I actually find less annoying than say, a Vanessa Minnillo who "anchors" "Entertainment Tonight" :

Her ta tas look natural and normal (ahem Pam Anderson) so I'm going to give her a score of 8. They might be too big for some people's taste but I think they look just fine. I also like her because she loves her Greek curves and seems happy in her own skin. You gotta love that!

Wool Socks in July???

2006-07-06T10:06:00.000-05:00

Malibu Ken has returned :) We had a lengthy discussion about the "traveling with cute female co-worker situation". He assured me nothing happened and he apologized for not being considerate enough to offer up details. Honestly I don't think it even crossed his mind that it would bother me. I think it was more a case of him being a usual dude and not thinking things through as opposed to him being a sneaky lying bastard. Well for his sake I hope it was the former :)

He did bring me some gifts from Europe including Parisian chocolates and a stuffed sheep from Dublin. Some of the other gifts were a bit, ummm random. I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I think a sign that someone knows you well is the kind of gift they give you. So MK bought me a celtic cross necklace on a sterling silver chain from Shannon, Ireland. It's really nice but not something I would ever wear. I'm not Irish or Catholic and in fact I have never subscribed to Irish culture and history. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't even like Irish pubs. MK also brought back Irish socks made out of real-deal wool. Ummm, it's 90 degrees in DC right now. Again, I don't want to sound like a brat...Oh well I love that he thought of me while on the trip and he is just so sweet. Our reunion was sweet as well ;) And the 4th of July was spent eating too many hot dogs, drinking too many Stella Artois's, and seeing fireworks on the Mall. Hope everyone else's day off was great!

Friday Boobies - 1 Year Blog Anniversary Edition

2006-06-30T09:59:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday Boobies! In honor of tomorrow being my 1 year blog anniversary, I've decided to feature myself as the Friday Boobies lady.

First, there was this post from November where I provided photographic evidence as to why my boobs rock. Then I won an award for best blogger boobies. Now I've outdone myself by giving Helga and Olga, literally my bosom buddies, a score of 9.5 (hey I don't claim to be perfect!).

During this last year I have come to know other blogger babes who enjoy boobies as well. It seems to be a common theme. Most importantly I have enjoyed meeting DC bloggers and sharing my stories with everyone. And wow, has the world changed in the past year. Hurricane Katrina, the Bush Administration, the war in Iraq, me getting a boyfriend (gasp!), the birth of Tai Shan, the inauguration of Friday Boobies, the list goes on and on. Look out for a "Best of Beltway Series" on the sidebar soon...

I started writing in this blog after seeing a blog of an acquaintance who was chronicling his study abroad adventures in Africa. At the time blogging seemed like a novel idea. Like, hey I can post some pics and make fun of people doing stupid things. OK, let's try it. As I started reading other blogs from around the country I came to realize that this medium - blogging and online journal postings - speaks to the human emotion of connection. Even if you have never met a person, when you read their blog you can get a small taste of who they are. Am I defined by my blog? Of course not. But does my spirit, voice, and passion reside in every post? I believe so. To share facets of myself while learning about what makes other people unique has been a great joy to me over the course of the past year. So here's to my 1 year anniversary and thanks to everyone for reading, commenting, and sharing your insight!

The Tale of Antsy Amy and Scary Sally

2006-06-30T09:19:00.000-05:00

People are strange. My metro ride on the Orange line this morning was an interesting one. Everyone and everything on my train was a bit… off. In fact it was just plain weird. Here are just two examples because it would take me all day to type out all of them.

Weird moment #1 –This girl got on the train with me at Va Square. Let’s call her Antsy Amy. The moment Antsy Amy gets on the train she starts looking around nervously and reacting anytime someone else’s purse, bag, hand, newspaper, iPod, whatever touched her. The train was packed so there was no way to maintain 3 ft of personal space. It’s just how the metro is in the mornings but she apparently thought she deserved her 3 ft. She was also carrying a very large computer tote and a plastic bag. I can only presume that it was a computer inside the tote, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if it actually contained Purell, a gas mask, Lysol disinfectant and duct tape – all items she prepared in case someone touched her on the metro. So then another girl standing next to Antsy Amy accidentally bumped into her. Antsy Amy gets this real worried look on her face and then asks the girl if she wouldn’t mind not bumping into her and if she could move her bag because it kept touching her arm. The girl simply looked at her with disgust. The best part was that a woman who witnessed the encounter and was standing behind Antsy Amy said, “Well why don’t you put down YOUR bag. It is rather large.” Game and match to this insightful woman. Antsy Amy put her bag down but for the remainder of the trip to Metro Center took great pains to avoid anything touching her arms.

Conclusion: Being on a packed train sucks. I get it. People are going to bump into you. And I don’t like being touched by random people but you just have to accept that in close quarters it’s going to happen. Antsy Amy clearly had anxiety issues and it pissed me off that she thought she was special enough to deserve extra space. She also made everyone else around her antsy and annoyed. Next time you ride the metro Antsy Amy, take a Xanex and chill the ‘eff out.

Weird moment #2 – Seated perpendicular to the center aisle of the metro was a woman who I think was not actually a woman but a harsh looking transvestite. Let’s call her Scary Sally. I hate to judge but there were some tell-tale signs that this was a man:

Exhibit A: The most important piece of evidence – large hands. To me this is the most obvious sign of determining gender. Scary Sally’s hands were big and veiny. Scary Sally also had nasty acrylic long fake nails.

Exhibit B: Massive arms – OK maybe this “woman” was a bodybuilder. Her arms were bigger than Chuck Norris’s!

Exhibit C: Natty wig – the wig was a caramel brown with some highlights thrown in. But it was clearly some kind of synthetic hair piece.

Exhibit D: Too much makeup – too much lipstick, too much eyeliner, and a gross misuse of blush that was applied too high on the cheekbones.

So anyway, Scary Sally is seated and as people are coming on to the train at Foggy Bottom a gentleman accidentally stepped on Scary Sally’s foot. Scary Sally’s face said it all. She was very pissed and I thought she was going to stand up and deck the guy. Scary Sally stared at the unassuming offender for the rest of the ride to Metro Center.

Conclusion: Again, being on a packed train sucks. If you are standing, please be considerate and look out for other people’s toes. And if the person is large and in charge like Scary Sally take extra precautions to avoid contact!

Police Close 7th St NW - It's Never a Dull Day Here!

2006-06-29T11:12:00.000-05:00

12:10PM - Police have just closed off 7th St between H and K streets. There are bomb sniffing dogs around cars and they evacuated one building. As I was looking over our building balcony the police told us to get away from the windows and go back inside.....anyone else in the area know what's going on?

"Ummm food? What's that?"

2006-06-26T23:07:00.000-05:00

I was having some trouble sleeping so I turned on Jay Leno to watch my fave Monday skit, "Headlines." Then the first guest on tonight was Kate Bosworth and Leno asked her many questions about food. Which is hilarious because she clearly doesn't eat.

The interview was a wee bit awkward! When asked by Leno what she stocks her refrigerator with she stammered and then unconvincingly replied, "Uhhh I keep milk, cheese, eggs, uh you know basic stuff." She then went on to say that she eats chicken and cooks "mac and cheese and stuff."HAHAHA she is such a terrible liar! Does this look like someone who allows cheese or carbs to pass through her hungry lips?:

Arrgghh! That sternum!!! How can she look in the mirror and think this looks healthy?

Dear Kate, don't you realize that whether you like it or not girls are going to look up to you and maybe begin to get a screwed up idea of what beauty is? Your skinny frame is quite, well, odd. You were such a healthy looking girl before (in my opinion). Please drive to your nearest Arby's and get a roast beef sandwich. And don't skimp on the Arby's sauce! Maybe then you can return to your previous glowing self.

Across the Pond

2006-06-25T22:00:00.000-05:00

Across the pond is where I should be right now, with Malibu Ken underneath the Eiffel Tower. But instead I'm here and missing him like crazy. He went to Paris for a 2 week work trip. I had planned on going but once I realized plane tickets were no less than $1200 I nixed the idea.

I'm no stranger to Europe. I was born in Germany and my list visit to Europe was to Italy in 2004. But I've never been to Paris and it would have been awesome to go there with someone I love. Damn those DeBeers commercials for romanticizing any European city with old baroque architecture.
***********************************************************************************
He's only been gone five days and I'm feeling sad. I guess after spending every night with someone for 6 months, 2 weeks apart seems like forever. Clearly I need to snap out of this.

Going to different countries and exploring what they have to offer is a situation that can change people. MK has never been out of the country. On top of that, MK is going to Ireland with a female co-worker for a few days while over in Europe. It will be just the two of them, which he neglected to tell me until 1 day before he left. I just have some unfounded suspicions about this. He made no mention of sleeping arrangements or how they would be getting aound.

His female co-worker is white, blond, Irish, "scientific-savvy", and the type of girl he could take home to mom and dad. I am definitely not any of the things I listed above.

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I know I haven't written at length about Malibu Ken in awhile. We are still together, with intermittent spells of small quarrels and sometimes overwhelming love.

It's been about 1 year since our first outing to the zoo and first kiss. About 1 year since I fell asleep in his bed fully clothed and refused to go past first base. Do people even use the term first base anymore?? Anyway, I guess the biggest lesson I've learned this past year is that I have a lot of growing up to do. All of the insecurities, suspicions, and tears on my behalf did nothing to strengthen my relationship with MK. Sure, I usually got a response from him, but not for the right reasons.

On the other hand, I shouldn't have to throw a hissy-fit just to get a response. Sometimes I feel as though there is no passion, no OOMPHH from his end. I definitely have a passionate heart that I love to show to him. I love him dearly. He loves me dearly. Is that enough? I don't know...

Friday Boobies - A Perfect Score

2006-06-23T10:04:00.000-05:00

Ladies and gents. This is a proud day in Friday Boobies history. We have our first perfect 10 score. I came across this lady while perusing gossip blogs and completely agree with her ranking as #2 on FHM's Hottest Women on the Planet list. Homegirl beat out Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Jo, Beyonce, Salma H., and numerous bodacious babes. Behold, Keeley Hazell:

Who is Keeley Hazell (pictures on this link may not be work appropriate!) you might ask? She is a British model who is a popular pin-up and the subject of many a lad's dreams. She also is the new "face" of Formula One 2006 Playstation 2. I think she has one of the nicest figures I have ever seen. Great natural ta tas, tiny waist, hips, and legs. Basically every man on earth wants to procreate with her. If you look at the pics in the gallery on her website you will see her 2 best assets very clearly. Simply put - she is genetically blessed (or depending on your preferences a genetic freak). Congrats Keeley on the first ever score of 10. You deserve it you sassy lass!

P.S. - All of you men out there can thank me later for these pics :)

Exercise Dude Is Alive and Well

2006-06-22T09:15:00.000-05:00

I had no idea that posting about Exercise Dude would garner such a response (thanks to Wonkette and DC Blogs). And in this WaPo Express post there was a call to submit sightings of Exercise Dude. According to some blog commenters he has been spotted at 10th and Penn, 4th and H, and my area of 7th and H. I'm still waiting to see him with my own eyes. I'm really glad the heat has not stopped him from running loops in the middle of the street while successfully avoiding getting hit by a Metrobus. That is talent my friends.

Wonkette had an interesting serious of posts under the header: Chinatown is DC's Times Square. When I wrote yesterday's post I hadn't even thought about that. I don't think Chinatown is quite to the kitschiness level of Times Square but it does boast a lot of tourists, heavy traffic, bright lights, urgency, and our own version of the Naked Cowboy - DC's Exercise Dude. I think Exercise Dude and Naked Cowboy should team up for an all-star revue. No one would attend - but it would still be a pretty funny sight.

Musings on Chinatown

2006-06-20T12:26:00.000-05:00

5 Reasons Chinatown Is An "Interesting" Place to Work:

1. The Exercise Dude who works out in the middle of the intersection of 7th and H gets everyone amped up for mid-day workouts. Good idea especially if you have eaten at Five Guys. However he has been missing recently. Could it be the oppressive heat? Where art thou Exercise Dude? Wherefore is thine headband and biker shorts?

2. There are always a disturbing number of teenagers walking around the Gallery Place metro stop. Even when school was in session they were always there, making fun of pedestrians and hitting on people.

3. I LOVE Marvelous Market (otherwise known as Mahhhhhvelous Mahhhhket). I'm going broke eating their delicious pasta salads and homemade brownies every day.

4. I work by Hooters and I think people are assuming that is where I work as I enter the adjacent building. Even though I have been offered jobs at other Hooters locations, for the time being I do not work there. Besides, the girls at the Chinatown Hooters are obnoxious twigs.

5. Back to the topic of food - Five Guys, Matchbox, China Doll, Tai Shan (not the panda!), Tony Cheng's, Clyde's, Chipotle, California Tortilla, the aforementioned Mahhhhhhvelous Mahhhhket, Fado, RFD, Drinx, Subway, Quiznos. All of these are within 3 blocks of me :)

Friday Boobies - Talentless Hack Edition

2006-06-16T15:50:00.000-05:00

Things have been a little crazy at the Friday Boobies headquarters here in Bosomville, USA. I'm finally getting around to posting today's lady - Ashlee Simpson. You know, she makes it so easy to make fun of her. She says ridickulously stupid things and pretends she's not transforming herself into Jessica 1.5 (giving her the 2.0 title is being a bit too generous). I must say she is looking rather cute nowadays, but the picture I'm showing below is pre-rhinoplasty and pre-blonde Jose Eber makeover:

I definitely give Ashlee credit for being a wee bit right sexy yah? And her boobs are all natural as of today but who knows when that might change. She's still a talentless hack and her boobs are not as nice as Jessica's. I'll give her a 6. Happy Friday Boobies! Enjoy your weekend :)

Singapore Fans Came to the Right Place

2006-06-13T16:13:00.000-05:00

I've finally started checking Sitemeter more often to see how people are getting to my page. Today's list included searches for Jordan Baker and EJ Takes Life. But the number one search on Yahoo Singapore is for "pussycat doll." And that's singular pussycat doll thank-you-very-much. I guess the Pussycat Dolls plural are well-liked in Singapore? Honestly I'm a little disappointed "pussy - cat", "boobies" or "video ho" was not more heavily represented.

Anyway, welome all my Singapore readers! Selamat datang!(Malay) - Vanakkam! (Tamil) - Chaybah (Singlish - yes this is an actual language. More on this later...)!

It's A Walkoff, Bitches

2006-06-12T23:13:00.000-05:00

So I'm mad late doing a recap of blogger happy hour. I had too much going on this weekend. The little bro graduated and I'm still unpacking my house. But the blogger HH was tons of fun as usual. It was great seeing the usuals and those I don't see enough. The impromptu dance-off with Thicky, Robin, KasssyK got things heated-up. I even showed Virgle Kent how girls from Hoodbridge drop it. Like. It's. Hottt.

Eyebar was the usual random-ass mix but with the addition of "When Bloggers Attack" things turned fun. Especially when I announced that there would be a walkoff. KassyK, Robin and myself all took a turn through the dramatic curtains at the entrance of Eyebar.

"It's a motherfucking walkoff!"

"V-O-G-U-E"

"Playing the phat jams for dat ass."

"The drunken bandit strikes again - taking boys' hats

and swiping away the haters like gnats."

Friday Boobies - Ms. Dior If You're Nasty Edition

2006-06-09T12:19:00.000-05:00

Dear Ms. Janet Jackson-Dupree-A-Town-Holla!,

Listen doll. Can we chat? You are one of the more "normal" members of the Jackson family. And that's saying a lot. In fact I think that's a good compliment so you are welcome. Recently you balloned up to a heavier weight for a "movie role." What you really wanted to say was that you sat around your posh house and ate whatever you pleased - that's fine by me. Everyone enjoys doughnuts.

There was a rumor going around a few months ago that your record company was not going to promote your new album unless you lost the weight and got those famous abs back. So you decided to lose the weight in record time (my guess it was a combo of dieretics, TrimSpa Baby! and a diet consisting of only grapes and bitterness).

So you lost the weight and showed up looking loverly at the CFDA awards. Your dress was very pretty and ....oh my gentle Jesus. Who melted your boobs???

Upon further inspection it appears you are suffering from the same affliction that has plagued Star Jones and Vivica A. Fox. "Ginormously Fugged Out Crevice Cleavage Syndrome" is no joke Janet. You will receive a score of 3. If you show some improvement and get those hard masses you pretend to be boobs fixed, I may increase your score. Please consult Dr. Ray from "Dr. 90210." Until then you are on probabtion!

Ciao,

VP of Dior