Attached at the Dick
During my recent trip to the beach, one of my acquaintances would not stop talking about her boyfriend. Every conversation somehow found its way back to him. This acquaintance is a lovely girl but she just doesn’t get it. I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND DURING MY WHOLE VACATION.
I’m not bitter (famous last words!) but have you nothing else to offer besides the banal ruminations on how you are convinced your BF is cheating or how long you coo-coo to each other on the phone?
I know that love is wonderful and it can change your life in unexpected ways. I should be so lucky. But there is clearly a difference between sharing that you are in a loving, caring relationship and BECOMING A COMPLETE VOID OF A PERSON because you are caught-up in togetherness.
This syndrome is called Attached at the Dick. Girls who suffer from this can often be found not-so-slyly dropping in references to visiting said BF’s parents or what their children might look like. Don’t even get me started on the countless references to pastel bridesmaid dresses. BARF. All of you are sounding like a brainwashed marginally cute film actress.
This hits close to home because my good friend Loo, who I adore and wish all the happiness in the world, has been suffering from Attached at the Dick since November. I barely see her anymore and she often talks of moving with her BF next year. Her head is in the clouds and EVERY conversation is about her BF. I called her out once because she said something that was really condescending towards single people. She acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about, and it’s possible she really didn’t because she is so firmly up her BF’s ass that no amount of Kentucky lard could get her out. I’m afraid there is no hope for her. I hope they don’t break up, because then she would be a shell of a person and I would hate to say “I-Told-You-So” even though it’s the truth.
My call to action is for ladies (and gents) to try and reach a happy medium when showcasing your wonderful relationships. Please be nice to the single gals like myself who haven't got it all figured out just yet.
The battle of Singles vs. Togethers will rage on, beating tirelessly upon the craggy rocks that border the sea of love......
posted by VP of Dior at 3:20 PM
Well, it's good to know that women see this happening as much as men do. I hate losing my friends, but when I get them back after a break-up, it's like we have to get to know each other again. Suddenly, they can stay out past ten and not have to check in...they can go out whenever they want to.
My old roommate and I were going to go see Wedding Crashers the other day. He called me as I was driving to the theatre and said that his wife wanted him to stay that night. He didn't sound upset or anything. Fuck me! What kind of a world is this!
I never understood the whole checking in thing. Does that mean your Significant Other is definitely not cheating? Nope, it just means that during his break from sexin up the hot girl at work he called you because he knows he has to.
If I go out I want to enjoy myself and not have to worry about checking in with anyone.
But again, I'm not bitter....
But isn't it usually the dudes who have to do the checking in? That's what blows.
Shit, let her have her fun, let her flirt with dudes, she's coming home to me anyway. What's the harm? Just don't go smoochin' any randos.
Not bitter in DC either . . .
You are spot on - people need to get a clue about what being in a relationship means.
A number 1) you don't need to talk about it with friends CONSTANTLY,
B number 2) you. don't. check. in. Because you don't have to.
:)
Ugh, so annoying. When you're single you have people who whine and complain about it, when you're together you have people who won't shut up about it!
Get a life that does NOT include what you have or don't have in a relationship!
In the end, it will make any relationship you have stronger.
Are you coming to happy hour tonight VP?
Talk about hitting the nail on the head... I've had friends (both male and female) practically disappear in the midst of a new relationship. So much for equal time between groups of friends/individuals. Some people just don't get it...
Re: Checking in...
I've done it. Never more than once in any given evening and only brief conversations. I don't ask for check-ins necessarily, but when she leaves my place I ask her to call/text me to let me know she got home alright... that's about it.
I agree calling someone to let them know you got home OK is different than checking in throughout the night. I understand if you want to call and let them know you're thinking about them, but can't it wait until you both get home? Or when you are face to face? Must you do it right then on the phone in a noisy bar and right in front of my face while I am trying to enjoy my apple martini????
Haha Indecent, I know you aren't bitter. How could you be with that nice rack of yours ;)
Milkman, You bring up a good point about buying into the idea of all-consuming love. Just look at the reality shows where the goal is to instantly fall in love and meld your lives. The problem with all-consuming love is, as you say, it removes reason and temperance.
I always loved a Midsummer Night's Dream. Nick Bottom is such an overlooked Shakespearian character. I think the absurdity of instant love is especially highlighted by his donkey head appearance. For a brief moment he is the "Perfect Ass" for Titania (please excuse the pun). But she doesn't see the real Bottom.
We performed scenes from this in drama class in High School. I played Helena of course ;)