Monday, July 18, 2005

Cast of Characters

I am not a player. I just crush a lot. It seems that I am currently juggling a few boy toys. This was brought to my attention after I told Loo that I made out with our mutual friend Malibu Ken Friday night, and a week prior had made out with the Gopher. She asked me how I was juggling all these boys, and I realized that emotionally I have been a little screwed up from this and unsure if any of these boys might turn into relationships. And none of them have tried to woo me, which I think would be pretty damn cool because I deserve it. So here is the current rundown. For the record I will state that I have only had sex with two of the boys listed - Mr. M3 one month ago, and Matt, whom I last hooked up with in May 2004 .

Malibu Ken: So named because of hs luxurious blonde hair. And his ridiculously built body. He is probably the most attractive of the bunch. He is a friend of Loo's and I have known him since October. Could qualify points for trying to woo me, since we have gone on a few outings and he pays for everything. He bought me a stuffed panda when we went to the zoo, and he compliments me a lot. Friday night, we went to see Wedding Crashers and afterwards shared our first kiss. It was rather nice. But now I'm afraid that I will be the one getting hurt if anything develops. Relationship potential: 6 out of 10 Malibu Dream Houses. Our sexual tension is near-explosive. Dealbreaker: His last girlfriend was a disastrous affair and I think he is still not over her :(

J: Have known him since November. Mostly emails and phone calls, besides the ocasional get together for a drink or watch a movie. Very tall, blonde, and attractive. Our chemistry is great - I could see us making a great team. Both of us quote Zoolander like it's our job. I crush on him more because he is unattainable (has a GF). Unfortunately I still have yet to get a response to my lame email I sent after an akward night with him. Relationship potential: 4 out of 10 Piano Key Neckties. I could see myself being with him longterm, and frankly that scares me. Dealbreaker: That pesky out-of-state- girlfriend of his. And he attended UVA ;)

Mr. M3: Met him in May at a place "where dreams are made." Yes, Club Jumbo Slice in AdamsMo. He is tall, Italian-looking, and handsome. His place in Cleveland Park is fab and he is very into arts and cars. The hook-ups were nice, but not mind blowing. We have good phone conversations (when he decides to pick up his phone). Started out strong, but fizzled fo shizzle after 3 weeks. Consistenly does not pick up the phone and makes excuses as to why he can't go out. Relationship potential: 1 out of 10 Jumbo Slices. He's just not that into me. I get it now. Dealbreaker: Borderline homosexual tendencies include over-grooming and effiminate hand gestures.

The Gopher: No real reason for the nickname, besides his penchant for hitting on anything with a hoo-ha and his affinity for golf. (Golf=Gopher). He is my good friend Mara's roomie. We have now made out twice, and both times I slept over in his bed fully-clothed. I refused to take my clothes off and insisted we rock it "8th grade style". He did try his hardest to take my pants off but I informed him I was wearing my steel chastity belt. Gopher has a reputation for hooking up with girls and then never speaking to them again, so I thought retaining some self dignity was in order. I think it has worked because I can still go over to Mara and Gopher's house without any awkwardness. Relationship potential: 1.5 out of 10 Driver Clubs. Dealbreaker: Although he is 25 years old, his maturity level is on par with that Andy Milonaukous hambone. Gopher once called me prude - he obviously does not know me very well!

Matt: Oh my sweet sweet Matt. How you have ruined me for the rest of the male population. Nothing compares 2 U. I met Matt freshman year. We hooked up 3 of the 4 years in college, and he broke my heart. Matt is a friend of a friend who basically didn't want to officially be with me. We lived about 1 hour apart, which to him meant that having a romantic relationship was going to be incredibly difficult. I haven't seen Matt in a 1 and 1/2 years. We still speak weekly. We have spent countless hours on the phone, and Matt knows me like no one else. He is the only boy I've ever felt comfortable farting in front of (I'm sure that's one of the reasons he likes me). Looking back, getting too involved with him in college could have been bad because I actually did enjoy my freedom to meet other guys and have fun. Would I have traded that to be his girlfriend? Of course. Would I marry him in a heartbeat? Double yes. But things are different now and as I grow older I know Matt and I will always be the best of friends. Will I be able to sit through his nuptials if gets married? No. Will I ever get over him? Doubtful. *Sigh* Relationship potential: 4 out of 10 Heartbreak Hotels. Keep the hope alive, man. Dealbreaker: His unwillingness to openly say how he feels about me and the fact he currently lives 3 hours away


Blogger Adam said...

Isn't it odd that we always seem to want what we can't have, and when we get something, it usually ends up being exactly what we wanted?

Your blog caught my eye, good job...

11:35 AM  
Blogger indecentoffense said...

making out is underrated, the party was of the chizzain...more booze and ass than a frat house. not gonna lie. now that i'm the land of blog, i can no longer do any work. sweet.

1:22 PM  
Blogger indecentoffense said...

i also want to inform you that i'm wearing seersucker at the office today and that the boy under the stars was wearing a purple polo. dreamy. love the south.

1:25 PM  
Blogger A Unique Alias said...

Great post! :-) Although wouldn't more piano-key neckties be worse in terms of relationship probability?

1:36 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

oh no my friend, more piano key neckties = good times.

2:34 PM  
Blogger NY-ERR said...

I find you fascinating vp. Too bad I'm so completely inept at relationships or I'd seek you out, dabble in wooing. But I enjoy your posts, so maybe I can have a relationship with them.

4:22 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

Milkman - In order to woo my posts, they would require an evening at Galileo (and not just in the cafe part), a bottle of Il Greco chianti, readings from Neruda's "Cien sonetos de amor", and a stroll along the Potomac (VA side). Holla.

4:58 PM  
Blogger NY-ERR said...

...come to the orchard in spring
...wandering among the sea foam and roots
...there is light and wine and sweethearts in the pomegranate flowers certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul
...We asked the ocean for its rose,
its open star, its bitter contact,
...that your hand upon my chest is my hand
...Don’t let the squatters know:
let’s keep it all between us
"circles circles circles
shadows of night lovers
your rain and the hip center"
...I must still uncloud my earthly duties.

I love chianti, restaurants whose namesakes are persecuted revolutionaries... and I've never walked along the Virginia side.

6:42 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

I've been to Galileo's grave at Santa Croce in Florence. It's sublime.

You gather things to you like an old road.
You are peopled with echoes and nostalgic voices.
I awoke and at times birds fled and migrated that had been sleeping in your soul.

...You swallowed everything, like distance.
Like the sea, like the time. In you everything sank!

7:59 PM  
Blogger NY-ERR said...

in vino veritas

I've never been.

10:17 PM  
Blogger NY-ERR said...

I posted something on my blog with you in mind a little vp.

1:38 PM  

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