Monday, August 01, 2005

The Blacker the Berry...

Last night Loo asked me what was going on with Malibu Ken, our mutual friend who I like a lot. I told her we went to a show at Iota recently and had a good time. Then Loo says, "Wow you guys are spending a lot of time together...Are you dating??"

Tricky question. It definitely started out as just friends, like group outings and random IM conversations. But then Malibu Ken and I started doing "couple-ish" things like going to the Zoo, Target trips, grocery shopping, hand-holding, cuddling, dinners, movies, etc. He really is the consumate gentleman - paying for everything, opening doors, always walking on the outside part of the sidewalk, constant compliments, etc.

So what's the problem you ask?? Well here goes: Malibu Ken is white. DC Pussycat Doll is black.

Yes folks, it's true I am of the darker persuasion. Looking at my summertime playlist you might not think that I was black (but there are some black people like myself who enjoy surfing, seersucker, Zeppelin and the Stones).

The REAL problem: Malibu Ken's parents did not approve of his last girlfriend because she was black(he apparently swings towards the chocolate). His parents stopped talking to him for six months. So it's not that him or I have a problem with race, it's that his parents don't want him dating non-whites.

Hello, the 50's called. They want their parents back.

I am not naive about racism in America. It clearly exists. But not letting your child date someone who makes them happy is so hateful and outdated. My parents have never told me that I couldn't date someone just because of what they look like. And if they ever did I'm sure I would go all bratty on them and say: "What-eva! What-eva! It's my hot body, I do what I want. You can't tell me what to do!!" (Cue after-school special music) Everyone is entitled to their opinion but please don't spread your hate and impose upon other people's lives. If his parents met me I think they would find me to be a nice, funny, intelligent girl. Every intelligent, open-minded person knows that race should not matter and respecting people of all nationalities is essential.

Also, his parents are kinda religious, which is funny because isn't Christianity based upon loving your fellow man because that's what Jesus would do? Why do people wear those damn bracelets then?? Hypocrite much?

When Malibu Ken first told me about his parents ridiculous beliefs a month ago I was disappointed. He indicated that he didn't think he could go through that drama again. I had definitely entertained the thought of dating him. Just when you think something good is about to happen, it gets turned upside down. So I put my guard up under the allusion that we can't date. Then things changed after we kissed and a certain level of romance has now come into play. Now we both know we are physically compatible, in addition to getting along well and enjoying each other's company.

Another wrench thrown in here is that he is having reconstructive surgery on his knee in 3 weeks. He will be at his parents house in PA for about six weeks :(

So what's a Pussycat Doll to do?? I guess simply enjoy myself when I'm around him and try not to stress too much. It's hard for me to not be upset about this and then overthink the situtation. But it's not like we are getting married. Who knows, maybe he is just looking for some affection and has no intention of becoming a couple. It is more than likely that nothing will develop, because I am apparently unable to attract a man and start an actual relationship. But seriously, how can you deny this silly Dr. Evil impression?

Or these drunken smiles:


Blogger Dating Hell Diarist said...

Wow, I can't believe this guy's parents!! OMG, are they professors at Bob Jones University or something?! Well, I don't blame him for wanting to date you anyway, as you're very cute and a good writer, too, I think!

10:03 AM  
Blogger A Unique Alias said...

If Ken is a strong man, his parents will have to choose between their son and their prejudices. If they have a scrap of decency in them, they'll choose correctly. If it turns out that Malibu Ken is just another plastic doll, then good riddance.

Good luck, DCPCD :-)

11:13 AM  
Blogger Dale said...

that is not going to be an easy sell.... all I have to say is, get ready, get set... DRAMA! but if he's wicked nice and wicked cute I say bully on!

11:21 AM  
Blogger indecentoffense said...

he's a cocksucker and you know it. anyway, after i wash my mouth out with soap, i need to talk to you about pheniece-apalooza. i will DEF be in town then and dont know with whom i'm staying, maybe justin, i dont know. i will call and we will discuss the plans. mwah!

11:31 AM  
Blogger I-66 said...

I empathize totally...

I think it was junior year that I was told by my then date to Homecoming that (after meeting her mother) she couldn't go with me. Evidently her mother said that she shouldn't go to the dance with someone of color because "people might start to think things." That's probably my first recollection of path-crossing with something like that - I'll never forget it.

12:15 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

Unique Alias and Dale -Malibu Ken isn't just another plastic doll, he is in fact quite nice and cute. I know this is hard on him too, and I really really don't like drama in my life. It's OK when it's on Lifetime, but I like to keep things clean and simple in my life (if at all possible).

indecent - you always know you have a couch/futon/bed to sleep on if need be. call me whenever!

I-66- I'm very sorry that you had that happen to you. It is a scarring experience because of it's ridiculousness. It's like, if two people like each other, why not let them be happy?

1:42 PM  
Blogger I-66 said...

I agree totally. I grew up around here and, given the local demographic, have through none of my own doing developed a liking for certain women. One might imagine that didn't serve me very well in the public eye when I attended an HBCU.

1:55 PM  
Blogger Emily Flowerz said...

You're beautiful! You look nothing like I imagined you would look like, but that is very cool.
However, I can't help but come down hard on Malibu Ken here. Why does he "lean towards the chocolate" yet allow himself to be swayed by his parents' archaic and hypocritical belief system? If he likes Black women then he needs to "own it." If he is "just looking for some affection and has no intention of becoming a couple" are you OK with that? You seem really cool and I don't want you to get strung along.

2:11 PM  
Blogger I-66 said...

too true, DJ... it does seem somewhat masochistic to want after something that his family won't approve when anything won't do something about their ideals and how they impose them upon him - whether it's silently resist or outwardly oppose.

2:39 PM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

"Hello, the 50s are calling..." CLASSIC!

Malibu Ken is a dumb ass. Is he living his life for his parents or for himself? I have been in a similar situation (ex was a black man), and although it's very painful to deal with parents who don't understand interracial dating, parents usually come around for the sake of their children's happiness. Ken sounds like a bit of a coward to me, and you are FAR too pretty to date someone who is so completely attached to mommy's pursestrings. If he's worth it, he'll get over his fears and tell his family where to go...

Look at Halle Berry or Alicia Keys. Don't they see how hot mixed grand-babies are?? D-uh!

2:53 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

Flowerz - I'm definitely not OK with getting strung along. I'm too chickenshit to tell him this of course. But honestly he is such a good guy. There is no scent of sketch to be found on him. I don't think he would string me along on purpose. I just need to keep my emotions well guarded.

I-66 and Cookie - You guys are totally right when questioning why he is letting his parents control his life. He lives and works on his own. I could only hope that his parents would come around to the idea of interracial dating. And yes we would have fantabulous, beautiful children... not that I've ever thought about it though....I mean maybe once..err...

3:18 PM  
Blogger Complacent Chase said...

As someone who has dated only white guys since high school...let me assure you that I have experiencd your current situation.
First, let me congratulate you for being open to dating outside your race because I personally believe (and I know Miss Penny Lane & Circle V agree), that we should all just mix it up!
Second, just because you like the Stones Zepplin and like to surf that doesn't mean one wouldn't assume that you are black. I tell people all the time that not all black people listen to hip hop and play basketball (or whatever the hell we supposedly do). Embrace your diversity! Don't apologize or justify it.
Thirdly (is that a word?), if Ken is really interested in you...his parents will not be a factor. If his parents are that racist and he still likes black women...then he should not let their opinion weigh on him so much. Ken is a grown-ass man. He can date who he wants. His parents will get over it...and if they don't, Ken will learn to deal with his parents not talking to him anymore.

Just hope that Ken doesn't turn out to be the type of guy who likes to have sex with black women but won't date them because "his parents won't approve". I have met the type more than once. They seem great at first but then it quickly changes.

If a guy is into you...he will date you and you will know that you are being courted. If I were you...I would be a bit wary of him.
Believe me...there are plenty of hottie white boys that are open to dating outside their race.

Good luck!

6:13 PM  
Blogger JB said...

It's definitely not easy to date interracially. Almost as if you have to ask two questions right off: a) are they attractive, and b) are they "down?" Like it or not, what your parents say about it has pretty much everything to do with whether or not that person will date you.

As far as MK's Bible-beating parental units, wow. Just remember that for a long, LONG time people used biblical passages to justify slavery and segregation. Like sticks with like, and all that. Take from that what you will.

I've always been an equal-opportunity dater, and I always will be. Kinda tough when you're thinking about going through Guess Who...? in reverse. Hang in there!

6:59 PM  
Blogger Kathryn said...

"...the sweeter the juice." My super white gf and I ADORE some Trick Daddy.

Anyway, I was wondering, what would my bf JB have to say on this topic? How could I impart some of his wisdom? And he already imparted it himself. Love you, J-Bizz.

And DCPC Doll, you're adorable. MK is gonna miss out big time.

8:46 PM  
Blogger Asian Mistress said...

I think it's really different to date black and white than say, asian. I am lucky that I have never come across such situations (since I mainly date white boys, and I would basically classify myself as "white" by sterotypical standards - I am adopted, so that's why, but I digress...) - but I do always worry that they could come up. I think there is much more of a stigma attached to black and white relationships than to other mixes. In the 70's in Virginia, blacks and whites couldn't marry. In the 70s!!!!! That's crazy to think about now, but true. And it sucks.

Hopefully, Ken will be able to look past prejudices and be his own man. And I hope DCPD, that you do not get hurt by his course of action, should it be to run. Do you think he goes for the chocolate to go against his parents, maybe even unconciously? That could be something too, I don't know.

Anyway...a tricky subject...good luck & good post!

8:48 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

all - thank you for your insight and wisdom. i'm still seriously confused about this whole thing.

chase - you are right that I should question his intentions. I have met white guys who just liked hooking up with black girls and had no intentions of being in a relationship. I don't plan on hooking up with MK for quite awhile. I am officially on guard.

JB and Kathryn - thanks, you two are delicious.

Asian Mistress - do I think he's doing this just to go against his parents? it's possible. do I think he genuinely likes me? yes. but like I said I am officially on guard. *sigh*

9:36 PM  
Blogger Johnny said...

sending you some hugs on this one.

8:55 AM  
Blogger Adam said...

As progressive of a nation as we live in, I'm amazed at the ignorance of a few...

12:38 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

Everyday I am amazed at the ignorance of seemingly intelligent people.

It always annoys me when I'm out and some (not all) white people ignore me until they find out a went to a reasonably good school. All of a sudden it's like OK, she went to college. And she has a white-collar job?? She's acceptable to talk to now. Bleh.

But I gotta know when to pick my battles and I'm not about being in a battle with Malibu Ken. Gotta keep on truckin'...

2:22 PM  
Blogger Complacent Chase said...

Personally, I think people choose to be ignorant. I mean, think about it...the definition of gnorance is: the condition of being uneducated, unaware, or uninformed.

There is no reason for anyone to still be racist unless they choose to in this day in age.

Besides, why waste your time on someone that is going to make your life more difficult?
If people only want to talk to you after they find out you went to a good college, have a great job and aren't "ghetto"...then f*ck them! They are not worth your time anyway. I have been there!
If when I meet someone and they don't show an interest in knowing me until they find out who I am/who I know/what I do/etc...I'm like WHATEVER!! People like that don't deserve to know you.

Oh and like I said before, there are tons of white men (and non-whites) out there that will be interested in you because you are beautiful, intelligent, funny and will enhance their lives.

5:01 PM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

Looks like there's a drink named after your boy MK.

5:57 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

Thanks Cookie! I heart^3 Malibu. This drink sounds yummy, just like MK.

7:19 PM  
Blogger Asian Mistress said...

VP have you seen this? Looks like you're not the only one wondering on this topic...

10:40 PM  
Blogger Jane Fairfax said...

Found you by way of the your Phillies hat...and just go with the flow, that guy's parents need a reality check!!!! Good luck

12:23 PM  
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10:37 PM  

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