What does my reflection show?
In the last six months I made the leap to a new job, met more blogger friends, got rid of some old friends, joined a gym, lost weight, came to realize that my little bro ain't so little, and basically overall I have tried to be a good person.
The last six months I have focused on my relationship with Malibu Ken and invested effort unseen in any of my previous relationships. There have been nights where I chose to hang out with him because I couldn't imagine not being in his arms and there have been other times when I felt obligated to be by his side. I have considered moving to another city with him. I've considered moving to another city without him. I've endured days and weeks at a time with not seeing him because of his job. I've gotten jealous of him looking at other girls. A lot. He's gotten mad because of other guys looking at me. We've gotten into one major fight - and the look in his eyes that spelled out the hurt made me never want to fight again. I've felt my heart soften in ways I couldn't believe it would. I've become a tad less selfish. I've expressed my displeasure with his family's beliefs and behavior. I've cried myself to sleep at night because of the pressure. I've been depressed for weeks and unable to express this to him. Hell, I'm crying right now just thinking about all of this. I've tried to get him to see that relationships are not always a cakewalk and just because our personalities are laidback does not mean our relationship will always be that way.
So this leads me to question this relationship, and question myself even more concerning how I behave and how I have evolved into myself. I don't want this relationship to define me right now. But what happens as I grow and change while MK grows and changes in a different direction? How will I pick up the pieces if this doesn't last? How wonderful would it be to grow and change together? I'm not sure which circumstance scares me more....