Where Do We Go From Here??
Katharine Clifton: Now.
Almásy: When were you least happy?
Katharine Clifton: Now.
- The English Patient
It started out as a desire to see him one last time. One last exposure to him so I could say goodbye and find the peace and closure that has escaped me for months. One last hit of that mighty drug.
And when Malibu Ken stepped in front of me, it was like old times.
Laughing, joking, finishing each other's sentences.
Say it say it,
everything's better off this way
tonight, i just want you to see
i know i've never felt this way
and when you think everything's lost
you got me
- "You Got Me" - VHS or Beta
We talked about our lives. Work, concerts, current events, friends. But it was glaringly obvious that we were talking about our separate lives. When at one time our lives were entwined.
Then he said, "I am beginning to realize that I need to make decisions. I can't let my parents or anyone influence me. I miss you. I miss you like crazy."
"You're not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you've met she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other." - Good Will Hunting.
Tears stream down my face. This was not what I was expecting.
There is talk about missing each other. Missing the lazy Sundays in bed, missing nights out in DC, missing that warm comfort of being cared for. There is talk about seeing each other again. I can't believe I'm even considering it for a second.
there's a war inside of me
do i cause new heartbreak to write a new broken song
do i push it down or let it run me right in to the ground
i feel like i wouldn't like me if i met me
- "You Wouldn't Like Me" Tegan and Sara
But nothing was resolved. There were no declarations of undying love. There were no decisions made.
"Will I see you before Christmas?" he asks.
"I do not know. It is up to you. It is time for you to show me what it is you want."
As his arms enveloped me, there was so much left to say. So much fear and grasping and heartstrings pulling. I am emotional roadkill right now. Flattened, hopeless, and left alone.
At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say cause there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves. - "Grey's Anatomy"
Labels: heartache; desire