Thursday, August 11, 2005

The Grassy Troll

I live in a house with 4 other people. One of my newest roommates is a male, who has dated another roommate of mine for about two years. This male, A, does absolutely nothing around the house. He doesn't clean common areas and has not even attempted to cut the grass. Our backyard is of a substantial size and needs maintenence. The grass had gotten so high I was afraid small children would think of our house as "that house to avoid on Halloween and god forbid our baseball rolls into that yard."The grass had not been cut in 5 weeks and the only reason it got cut then was because my Dad finally got fed up and volunteered to do it. Now, before when we had a different male roommate J, he would do it with no complaints. But A is such a wussy boy. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY CANT YOU CONTRIBUTE SOMETHING TO THE HOUSE! Even my neighbor asked me one night why A hasn't cut the grass and all I could say is that A is a troll and worthless. I've asked him to do it and I explained to him that I really don't enjoy having to use a machete just to get through my yard to the front door. The whole situation got me very angry so I called my Dad again and asked him to come cut the grass, which is what he did last night. I have the best Dad in the world. To show my appreciation I decided to make his favorite - oatmeal raisin cookies. And by make I mean buy. But whatever.

So when my Dad came over last night, all of my roommates were in the kitchen and cooking/eating. I informed them that my Dad was doing the yard. One says, "Oh that's great." The words "thank" or "you" or "nice" or "appreciate" did not come out of anyone's mouth. I stood there for a second while my blood pressure was rising and I finally said, "Ya know you should really thank him for doing this." Finally they get the hint and thank him. Why are my roommates such asshats?? They are all very Type B which means they don't give a shit about anything. I'm very Type A - I'm responsible and think that taking care of the yard is essential.

So why don't I just cut the grass myself? Well I'm not really a total princess girly girl, but growing up my parents never made me cut the grass. That was always a job for the boys, along with taking out the trash, car work, and killing big bugs. Is this sexist? Yes. I don't care because I know that there were other things around the house that I was required to do and I contributed accordingly. Does this mean I will never agree to cut the grass or change my oil? No. It just means that if there is a guy who obviously enjoys being a man and is willing to cut the grass for me then so be it. I know I can't force my personal preferences on A and make him cut the grass just because he's a guy, but that's the least he could do for the household. Am I being too unreasonable??

Later that night I was on the phone with Malibu Ken and told him about the yard. He thought that I was being spoiled by my dad and that I should just cut the grass myself. But then I explained to him the whole boys job/ v. girls job and that I did my best to show my Dad how grateful I was for him cutting our grass. I know that I am perfectly capable of cutting the grass, I just choose not to. And now it's a matter of principle because I take care of so many other things around the house. I always take out the trash, make sure bills are paid, unclog toilets, fix drains, vacuum, etc. Malibu Ken slowly started seeing it my way :)

So this ties into my theory about what I want from a man (I've had this theory for years). I've gone to college and started a great PR career and view myself as independent. But at the end of the day I still want someone who makes me feel safe and secure. I want someone I can trust and someone that can somehow live up to the standards my father has set.

So basically I want someone who can mow the shit out of my yard. Make it look better than the ninth hole at Pinehurst. I want someone who will know what's going on underneath the hood of my car (hehe). I want someone who will show the shingles who's the boss. Grill a mean T-Bone steak. And yes, it would be nice if they had a regular 9-5 job and career aspirations as well. Again, is this too unreasonable? Also, if the guy has expectations of me that I agree with, then I will oblige. There are things I can do well that he might appreciate. Like, I dunno, ordering stuff online and programming On Demand? Just kidding. But these are just my personal preferences and I don't expect anyone to agree with them. But at least I can say I know what I want.


Blogger PAYNTERinFLORIDA said...

Ok Here's the deal your Dad is a hero...that punk roommate is a zero. Let's figure a way you can move into your own place, and get away from lame ass "boys" who obviously weren't raised correctly. God forbid my daughter grows up someday only to be living with a punk ass guy who cannot care for himself or the common areas. Your dad rocks....your pretty cool yourself..though I think you sound smarter than someone who would live with such a lame ass to save money on rent.....

11:08 AM  
Blogger Lone Ranger said...

I have no sympathy. There are women in Iraq sacrificing their lives. They are Daddy's girls too. And you can't cut the grass.

11:29 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

You don't say if Roommate "A" does anything else around the house to contribute, but if he doesn't, you'd better sit down as a group and work out who wants to do what and then be responsible for it, or you will find yourself constantly steaming and ultimately moving out...which will happen sooner or later. Delegating tasks isn't that big a deal, and if you want to trade off at times, then you can. Does "A" ever do dishes, take out garbage, vaccuum, etc., or does he solely pay rent and inhabit the space? And yes, your father's a great guy and understands responsibility, but he shouldn't have to be doing this for you. Good luck with "A." He sounds like a dickwad.

11:34 AM  
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11:43 AM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

I was one of two girls. I'm older, so by default, I'm the boy. I got to clean the winter pool cover (think...worm burial ground), wash the cars, rake the leaves and mow the lawn. I got paid $10 each time I did it, but still. You'd be surprised. I would wear my bikini top and shorts and mow the heck out of my lawn, and get LOTS of attention from the neighbourhood (yes that's with an extra U) boys. Kinda fun to be the cute tomboy who mows lawns.

12:14 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

OK lone ranger - you have a point. But don't those women in Iraq choose to go over there? My father served in the military for 20 years.I have the upmost appreciation for those who serve in the war and protect our freedom. Have you participated in any food/clothing drives for the troops in Iraq? Have you written notes to and contributed phone cards to soldiers who need to call home?? I have done all of those things. I followed my dad around the world and developed an appreciation for different cultures while readily adjusting to military life.

cube - in my post i wrote that A doesn't do anything around the house (see third sentence).he pretty much pays rent and goes along his merrily way. i tried posting a cleaning schedule in the kitchen, and when it was his week he did not do it. i have expressed to them that i would like the common areas to be cleaner, but they just don't get it.

12:51 PM  
Blogger Complacent Chase said...

I'm with DC Cookie. My sisters and I had to mow the lawn when we were young and it wasn't all that bad. It's great exercise and you never know who may walk by and say, "Wow look at that girl! She is hot and she isn't afraid to mow the lawn...sweet!".
Your Dad is pretty cool though to come over and help you out. But you are an independent you should either do what Washington Cube suggests by talking to you roomies or just getting out there and doing it yourself.
(Personally, I would talk to my roomies and assign chores.)

12:52 PM  
Blogger Sean said...

Just remind your roomates that it's not a crack house. It's a crack home, and they should treat it as such.

1:39 PM  
Blogger RHB said...

Ok Lone Ranger. You have a point, however, it's totally out of context.

I say mow your own grass, but that's just me. A fresh cut lawn in the summer smells real good. :)

Why not ask this dude's girlfriend to suggest that he cut the grass? Girlfriends can be persuasive. Or are all your roommates worthless?

1:47 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

all of them are worthless. the girlfriend is even worse. once she cooked fish and left the pan out all night, as well as the dishes she used. the house smelled like a rotten ocean in the morning, and even then she didn't clean up. i had to ask her to rinse her dishes and take out the fish remains that were in the trash. worthless.

perhaps it's my fault for not establishing rules early on. but how can people live like that? i'd hate to see what their house will look like when they have their own families. i feel sorry for those kids.

1:56 PM  
Blogger Sub Girl said...

sounds like you guys really need to just sit down and talk and establish rules and duties. i lived with 5 boys and never mowed the lawn, but that's just because they didn't think i should have to since they would rotate doing it. works for me!

2:18 PM  
Blogger Complacent Chase said...

Sounds like it's time for you to move and create your own bachelorette pad.

2:27 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

i'm starting to think that paying $1000 for a single bedroom apt. might be worth it.

2:33 PM  
Blogger PAYNTERinFLORIDA said...

sounds more like everyone ought chillax on VP of Dior, when the post was about a lame ass non caring guy. Sure she could cut the lawn, I guess she could change her own motor oil for that matter---this isn't the point. What's with all the post's about meeting guys? If this VP wants to meet guys I have a feeling she puts on something exspensive and goes out to where she meets guy who aren't riding by in Pickups whistling while she cuts the lawn...not to mention, maybe she doesn't want to be a sweating VP when she lays down her love rap....bottom line...this clown of a roommate is a lzy momma's boy, that's why he's too inconsiderate to do what he shouldn't have to be asked to.

3:30 PM  
Blogger QOS said...

i can change my oil and mow the lawn. . .but if there's a guy around? no way.

in this weather, the one who can legally take off their shirt, should be the one doing the sweat work.

3:43 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

paynter, you hit it right on the nail. it is my belief that A is too inconsiderate to realize that i shouldn't have to ask him to mow the lawn.

and yeah i don't think i would want to attract guys driving down the street who ogle girls as they mow lawns.

3:57 PM  
Blogger PAYNTERinFLORIDA said...

That's it VP you're right on...PinF is gonna be in Wash. Next Saturday you holla at me and I'll tighten that lawn lame ass "A" what is....Besides PinF is originally from Philly and loves that the VP is showing the colors....

4:10 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

showing the colors? did i accidentally throw up gang sign?..

4:50 PM  
Blogger PAYNTERinFLORIDA said...

The Phillies!

5:08 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

ohhhhhh haha. yeah i stole that hat from my friend :)

10:37 PM  
Blogger Chuck said...

I'll cut your lawn for you, but I need chocolate chip cookies.

7:04 AM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

that can certaintly be arranged

8:21 AM  
Blogger PAYNTERinFLORIDA said...

Hey check out Jah Works Band in the Wash. area?

9:37 AM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

No I'm not familiar with them. I assume that's a regaae band?

9:55 AM  
Blogger PAYNTERinFLORIDA said...

21 SUN Clarendon Ballroom
| Arlington, VA |
benefit for a new documentary called "Invisible Children" on Ugadan refugees
w/ John Brown's Body and Can't Hang

10:00 AM  
Blogger Linz said...

oh, VP, i feel your pain! i live in a house with 3 others and i swear, you'd think i was the only person who really lived there! No one cleans the bathroom/kitchen/living room except me. Apparently i'm the only one who is afftected by filth. Now, i admit that i do the work because it matters to me and i don't feel like waiting around for someone else to take charge. I am house mommy and quite honestly i'm one of those weirdos who finds cleaning to be therapeutic. And TG our condo community has a yard service to cut the 12 square feet of grass we have. Otherwise i'd be out there with my bikini top! ;o)
p.s. nice to meet you last night!

10:17 AM  
Blogger JB said...

I think anyone who has lived in a group situation has been in "Find The Smell" mode at least once. Most of the time it starts with good intentions, then goes horribly wrong. Like the laundry left in the washer for eight days.

Or, in your case, the exquisite dinner left to rot, as if this were the 1700s and we didn't have refrigeration. Yeesh.

I want to say it just comes with the territory, but - COME ON!! Is it too much for someone to just clean up their sh*t once in awhile?

Anyone who knows me knows just how laughable a diatribe like this one is, coming from me...!

3:05 PM  
Anonymous Hunnybunny said...

Your right about not wanting to mow the lawn, I'm a single mom (divorced)I was raised doing everything from shoveling snow,mowing,cleaning house,I changed the oil in a van, plus the gas filter,and I'm a kick ass tire changer too! I was married when I did the van stuff,plus all of the above, with 3 children too! My 3 Bro's were raised to change bed sheets and do dishes and all! Italian parents need I say more? But, I feel bad for the ladies out there that have to mow their lawn's with a bikini on! I had 2 men in my life that I feel it's my fault, that I showed them all that I can do. I was then taken advantage after a while. So I'm with you, no you don't have to mow if you don't want too! Kick the loser's ass out and if the girlfriend doesn't like it she can move out too! Get some reliable people to move in with you. Ask them first, like a check off list. Of all the things they know how to do. Were they brought up responsible? So on and so forth. Good luck to you! For all of you out there, I'm totally fixing up my house to sell, lifting heavy things, ripping stuff apart, PLUS mowing my own lawn, planting flowers and such. I don't have a man around the house. I'm a very attractive lady..but I'm not going to lower myself in a bikini just to have guys look and oogle while I do it. I have respect for myself. Would I like to have a man around to do these things? Hell ya but I don't. So I do them myself. Oh and by doing all of these things that a "REAL MAN" should be doing, I injured my back. So men, own up and be one! If you see a neighbor that needs help, offer!!
Vp, you dad sounds like mine, a wonderful man.. All the Younger men out there, take some tips from all the fathers out there! You'll be surprised how you feel after helping a neighbor. Whatever happened to brotherly love? Helping a friend/neighbor in need?
Oh no disrespect for the military I have a nephew who's in Baggdad. But, they chose to go there. I pray everyday that they all come home!! They should be all home! But that didn't need to be thrown in there,come on people!
The girl just asked a simple question and it became either a govermental subject or a sex thang! Wow...
Good Luck VP..Kick their sorry butts to the curb!!

7:20 AM  
Anonymous Hunnybunny said...

Posting a correction: Just in case we get some peeps that have nothing else to do but correct others spelling. I did spell "Baghdad" wrong in my previous comment. There!
Also,the comment I said about neighbors helping each other... I have a creepy single male neighbor that watches me do yard work. Not once did he ever offer to help, but had the need to make a comment to me as I was taking a break from carrying 14 bushels of branches. Saying that.. Hey no breaks allowed, keep working!! I said, why don't you help then?? No reply of course, because he's an Ahole!! So I just wanted to clear up any questionable comments from others in case they feel the need to say something.

8:02 AM  

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