Stumble McStumbles
Do you ever drink with the intention "to forget"?
This past weekend I drank my weight in wine. Hell, I also drank my weight in Sam Adams Oktoberfest. I usually only drink socially, with the intention of having a good time. But lately I realized I've been drinking "to forget". I'm not saying I have a problem, it just seemed like this past weekend whenever I got sad I would say, "Fuck it! Who wants some wine??" Then I become THAT girl catching a heel on a damned sidewalk crack. "Stumble McStumbles the name - and libation is my game."
Work is one thing getting me down. We have 2 new clients and there's just too much shit to do. I know everyone thinks they don't get paid enough, I REALLY don't get paid enough because I'm doing the work of two people. We need an intern NOW. Plus, the intern could get my caramel macchiatos.
And I hit a really rough patch this weekend with a bad case of separation anxiety from Malibu Ken. Actually no, it's not just that - it's utter fear. Malibu Ken should be back in about 4 weeks, and I think I need to tell him we should just be friends. It's not that I don't like him, it's the fact that I'm not so sure we will ever have a real, committed relationship. I don't think he's ready to stand up to his parents, and I don't think I'm willing to wait around for him. It makes me sad to think that even though we make a great team, social "restraints" prevent us from being together. On the other hand - I admit that even though I want a relationship, right now I am not emotionally ready to deal with this kind of potential heartbreak. So not only am I stumbling from pinot noir right now, I'm stumbling and fumbling due to this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that says I need to let this go. I guess I could just be a grown-up and tell him all of this. But that would be asking too much right now.......
This past weekend I drank my weight in wine. Hell, I also drank my weight in Sam Adams Oktoberfest. I usually only drink socially, with the intention of having a good time. But lately I realized I've been drinking "to forget". I'm not saying I have a problem, it just seemed like this past weekend whenever I got sad I would say, "Fuck it! Who wants some wine??" Then I become THAT girl catching a heel on a damned sidewalk crack. "Stumble McStumbles the name - and libation is my game."
Work is one thing getting me down. We have 2 new clients and there's just too much shit to do. I know everyone thinks they don't get paid enough, I REALLY don't get paid enough because I'm doing the work of two people. We need an intern NOW. Plus, the intern could get my caramel macchiatos.
And I hit a really rough patch this weekend with a bad case of separation anxiety from Malibu Ken. Actually no, it's not just that - it's utter fear. Malibu Ken should be back in about 4 weeks, and I think I need to tell him we should just be friends. It's not that I don't like him, it's the fact that I'm not so sure we will ever have a real, committed relationship. I don't think he's ready to stand up to his parents, and I don't think I'm willing to wait around for him. It makes me sad to think that even though we make a great team, social "restraints" prevent us from being together. On the other hand - I admit that even though I want a relationship, right now I am not emotionally ready to deal with this kind of potential heartbreak. So not only am I stumbling from pinot noir right now, I'm stumbling and fumbling due to this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that says I need to let this go. I guess I could just be a grown-up and tell him all of this. But that would be asking too much right now.......
posted by VP of Dior at 9:10 PM
Oh DCPD I love you, my partner in crime!
I think it takes two to make a relationship, and two to break it. Maybe the time apart from you has made MK realize that he really does want to make it work. Maybe you have also realized you're not sure if you really want it to. In the end, the truth will all come out.
I wish you luck and hope that you figure out what you want, and how to deal with it.
Have a blast this weekend, I will miss you!
BTW - lots of people go through "drink to forget" phases...as long as you realize it, you're OK.
PS - I need an intern too as I am also doing two jobs. Sigh.
And there I go again being a comment whore.
thanks AM. i haven't been intoxicated every night, so i know it's not a bender i'm on... although "planned" benders can be kinda fun...
Try giving the booze a break for awhile . . . you might find yourself more capable of dealing, without it.
On America's Next Top Model last night, Miss Jay called a particularly clumsy girl (who got cut) "Tippy Tumbles." Loves it.
BTDubs, I'm sorry you're feeling this way!!
Eesh. I'm so sorry you're having a rough patch...
*HUG*
VP, I hate to pour salt in the wound, but I've never known a long distance relationship to work. Something's gotta give sooner or later.
I hope it works out for you.
phil - thanks for the thoughts, but this actually isn't a long distance relationship. i don't think i clarified that. he lives here but he is in PA recovering from surgery. he'll be moving back in November.
chase - new name noted!
I'm sorry it's working out this way, but you are probably doing the right thing (ending the romantic relationship, not drinking into oblivion). But before you put the axe down, make sure you hear him out first. If he grew a pair and decided that being with you was more important, then put the axe aside. If not... you are most definitely doing the right thing.
There is a movie coming out sometime soon, I think, called Constellation, starring Gabrielle Union, Billy Dee Williams, etc. It's not the best movie in the world, but one of the subplots involves an interracial relationship in pre-civil rights Alabama. The two never marry, and the man has regrets years later that he didn't have the courage to be his own man and marry the woman he loved.
It's sad that this country is like that. But at least you have good friends (and other bloggers) to support you in the meanwhile.