Thursday, September 15, 2005

God Gave Me Style, God Gave Me (Social) Grace.......

If it wasn't for my social grace and impeccable sorority rush conversation skills, someone would have been knocked the fuck out last night.

I went to Blogger Happy Hour at Local 16. First, it was a pleasure to see the regulars (Kathryn, DC Cookie, Asian Mistress, The Boy, I-66, RCR, Etta). I also met Direct Current, DC Sports Chick, Lucy, Crazy City Girl, and DC Last Call.

Lucy, Kathryn, DC Cookie, Asian Mistress, and Me (rocking the Polo)

"No pictures please! Don't make me go Sean Penn on your ass!"

Props to Kathryn for another successful event. I wish I could have talked to everyone more, especially Cookie and I-66. Asian Mistress and I were in rare form, downing sour apple martinis and macking on unsuspecting guys from Shamnesty International (phrase stolen from Kathryn).

Also in attendance was a particular non-blogger new to DC. During a conversation I made an off-hand comment about me being black, to which this non-blogger replied, "Wait - you're not black!". Silence. Asian Mistress coughs. The Boy suddenly needs a cigarette real bad. More awkward silence.

The rest of the conversation went something like this:

Non-Blogger: You don't really look black.
Me: Well....I am.
NB: But you don't look black black. Which is a good thing.
Me: (long pause. very long pause) Ummm.
NB: I mean that you have a very exotic look and to me you don't look black. Like you have amazing features but they don't look black.
Me: Well I have a lot of Native American in my ancestry.
NB: Oh yeah that must explain it! God I wish I had more Indian in me. Then I could tan really easily. And I went to a high school in South Carolina that was 80% black. Those people down there are really black. I was always hanging out with black girls. Like, watching them perm their hair and stuff. That stuff burns right? Oh and I had a friend who was so dark....
Me: Uh, yeah. Would you please excuse me I have to go talk to someone over there.

This whole encounter made me realize that I am way too nice. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she sounded completely ridiculous. I think that it's only a matter of time until she goes up to the wrong black person on 14th and U and says something, with the outcome of her getting bitch-slapped. Not that I would wish that upon anyone, but some people have to learn the hard way. But seriously, no hard feelings.

After Local 16, The Boy and I went to JR's for a drink (Boy - sorry I attracted that sketchy duo from MD). On the walk there we encountered several HOT men in uniform. First, there was the fire engine full of hot firefighters that I eye-fucked and then made a lewd gesture to. The cute fireman hanging out the side window laughed. Then in the 7-11, there were TWO hot Metropolitan police. I managed to make small talk with the tall blonde guy and totally eye-fuck him. I do love a man in uniform.

Capped the night off with some Taco Bell, then snuggled with the bastard love child of the union between me and Malibu Ken - Butterstick. He's black and white, just like us, and Malibu Ken bought it for me when we went to the zoo a few months ago. He's also adorable, just like us.


Blogger Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

I still can't believe that she said all that. Wow. Talk about digging yourself into a hole. I give you props for having the self-control to keep yourself from punching her lights out.

10:52 AM  
Blogger Asian Mistress said...

So much fun! We do have impeccable sorority conversation skills!

You should have said something to only got worse! Oh well. I seriously couldn't breathe when she said that I was laughing so hard. Not that it was funny but my God.

Aw I didn't know you guys were going to JR's I would have come. But damn, that's kind of a long walk. Hehe.

I had Wendy's, don't worry...


10:53 AM  
Blogger A Unique Alias said...

It was really great to meet you.

That beefheaded girl was probably just nervous being around everyone and it manifested itself in a very stupid way.

11:04 AM  
Blogger The Captain said... looks like the tact was lacking in some ways. Sorry I missed it, see you all at the next one.

11:21 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

You're a blogger. Code Her:

>Open Mouth
[Insert Foot]

11:24 AM  
Blogger Kathryn said...

People truly underestimate the value of a sorority in a woman's social upbringing. :)

Cookie and I looked at McDonald's as we were driving away, no dinner in our tummies, at 1am, but kept on driving. Whew.

12:11 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

skipping the McDs was probably a wise choice. my stomach hurt like hell this morning.

1:33 PM  
Anonymous Ridiculous Caucasian said...

Once you start digging a hole it's really hard to stop and even harder if you're drunk but I do apologize for offending you and admit that you handled yourself very well I had no clue that you were that angry. Sorry :)

3:37 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...


it was nice to meet you. i appreciate your honesty. i've never been in the business of making people feel bad anyway. this is a learning experience.

in earnest graciousness,
the "non-black" VP of Dior

3:55 PM  
Blogger Complacent Chase said...

You handled yourself quite well, VP. I probably would have said something to her to make her realize that she was being inappropraite, though.

Great pics by the way.

4:43 PM  
Blogger Dutchess said...

are you kidding me?!? what the hell is wrong with people -- just frightening. I think my jaw would have been dropped so far and would have been so shocked, not sure if I could have said anything, let alone hold your sanity at that moment. good for you.. but, I still hope someone straightens out her wrapped self soon

5:52 PM  
Blogger DCSportsChick said...

Nice to see you again! I still heart your polo, BTW...

8:39 PM  
Blogger V said...

Sorry I missed the fun, I love that "I like have a black friend" argument to say weird shit. I have a funny Native American story to share next time we have a's good shit.

12:04 AM  
Blogger Terry said...

I also wish I could have joined the fun, but then again, Florida is quite a ways away.

After reading your meeting with the blistfully ignorant girl, I am inspired to apologize if anything on my blog is offensive to you. Call me a blogger with a soul.

At the very least, it looked like a great time.

4:33 PM  

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