Freak-Out
*This is a bit of a jumbled post - still trying to clear my head*
Tuesday night I freaked-out in front of him. I went to his place to watch Nip/Tuck and afterwards we were in bed. Foreplay was moving along, and then we were working towards intercourse when something didn't feel right. I thought it was a combination of relationship doubt and tiredness, but the real problem was a combination of overwhelming sexual intimacy followed by not being able to express that I didn't want to have sex.
Once in college, I put myself in a situation where I didn't want to have sex, but I went along with it because I liked the guy. For some reason I was unable to say no. I just did it and all I can remember about that is the way he felt so heavy on top of me.
So I think Tuesday night experienced a similar emotion, I just didn't know how to say no. I froze up and just started crying. Because Malibu Ken is such a great guy he immediately stopped and got me to talk about what I was thinking. He listened but I don't think he fully understood what I (and perhaps other girls) go through when experiencing sex. To have a guy enter you and see you in such an intimate way can be overwhelming at times. What do you all think about sex and intimacy?
Tuesday night I freaked-out in front of him. I went to his place to watch Nip/Tuck and afterwards we were in bed. Foreplay was moving along, and then we were working towards intercourse when something didn't feel right. I thought it was a combination of relationship doubt and tiredness, but the real problem was a combination of overwhelming sexual intimacy followed by not being able to express that I didn't want to have sex.
Once in college, I put myself in a situation where I didn't want to have sex, but I went along with it because I liked the guy. For some reason I was unable to say no. I just did it and all I can remember about that is the way he felt so heavy on top of me.
So I think Tuesday night experienced a similar emotion, I just didn't know how to say no. I froze up and just started crying. Because Malibu Ken is such a great guy he immediately stopped and got me to talk about what I was thinking. He listened but I don't think he fully understood what I (and perhaps other girls) go through when experiencing sex. To have a guy enter you and see you in such an intimate way can be overwhelming at times. What do you all think about sex and intimacy?
posted by VP of Dior at 3:03 PM
Hmm...interesting. It is also hard to go through that when you have already had sex.
Was it just the timing was off, or was it a deeper thing?
IM/call me if you want... :)
Interesting insight into the mind of a woman. I've heard as much from my sister and previous girlfriends, but in a different way. However, the intimacy factor is always tied to it, essentially noting that most women feel that emotion and level of closeness on a completely different plane than men. So I can relate a little to Malibu Ken's probable befuddlement. He likely had never had that conversation with a woman before...or at least on that level, about that specific topic.
That said, in my advancing years, I'm beginning to feel the emotional side of sex better, and be more in touch with the intimate aura surrounding the act with someone who is more than just a passerby. Its definitely an interesting paradigm, but one that I'm beginning to like.
Wow. Very interesting . . . I can't blame him for not really understanding. I know I don't.
chase - i've been there too.
AM - it was something deeper. but also since going on BC my hormones have been crazier than Flava Flav. (eww gross did i just use the terms "my hormones" and "Flava Flav" in the same sentence???!?)
sethro - yes i'm sure MK has never thought about something like this before. but you do have sage advice. keep enjoying the more emotional side of sex ;)
AUA - i certainly don't blame him for not understanding. all that mattered was that he listened to me.
I think we're lucky we can have more than just physical feelings when we have sex. I don't envy men in that way...
I have absolutely no "reasons why"-esque insights, becaues I know the reasons this has periodically happened to me have varied depending on who the other party was (I'll do this 'cause I love you/I'll do this 'cause it's easier than explaining why I don't want to/I'll do this 'cause I don't want to die alone). But the familiarity of the situation actually made me tear up a little bit.
Damn. I've been in that place; it's terrifying, frankly, to all of a sudden realize your vulnerability.
Have you all worked things out?
This has happened to me (i.e. the woman, not myself) at the make out level, and not the intercourse level. We also stopped and talked about what was going on. I can understand Ken's feelings completely.
cookie - i agree
jordan - i think the reasons you listed are familiar to me as well.
RC - it's still hard for me to talk about it with him, but we are back in track otherwise ;)
terry - kudos for taking the time to listen
It's a strange emotion that I don't think men can ever truly understand. They can feel bad, and be there for you, but I just don't think they will ever get why. Sometimes I don't get why.