Thursday, December 08, 2005


*This is a bit of a jumbled post - still trying to clear my head*

Tuesday night I freaked-out in front of him. I went to his place to watch Nip/Tuck and afterwards we were in bed. Foreplay was moving along, and then we were working towards intercourse when something didn't feel right. I thought it was a combination of relationship doubt and tiredness, but the real problem was a combination of overwhelming sexual intimacy followed by not being able to express that I didn't want to have sex.

Once in college, I put myself in a situation where I didn't want to have sex, but I went along with it because I liked the guy. For some reason I was unable to say no. I just did it and all I can remember about that is the way he felt so heavy on top of me.

So I think Tuesday night experienced a similar emotion, I just didn't know how to say no. I froze up and just started crying. Because Malibu Ken is such a great guy he immediately stopped and got me to talk about what I was thinking. He listened but I don't think he fully understood what I (and perhaps other girls) go through when experiencing sex. To have a guy enter you and see you in such an intimate way can be overwhelming at times. What do you all think about sex and intimacy?


Blogger Complacent Chase said...

I've experienced this before. It's very strange, really. For me, it coincided with the realization that I no longer wanted to have sex with someone that didn't love me and I didn't love.
I guess I just got tired of giving myself to people who didn't deserve it.
But that was just me. I just knew I wanted and needed something more from my partner.

3:34 PM  
Blogger Asian Mistress said...

Hmm...interesting. It is also hard to go through that when you have already had sex.

Was it just the timing was off, or was it a deeper thing?

IM/call me if you want... :)

10:57 PM  
Blogger sethro said...

Interesting insight into the mind of a woman. I've heard as much from my sister and previous girlfriends, but in a different way. However, the intimacy factor is always tied to it, essentially noting that most women feel that emotion and level of closeness on a completely different plane than men. So I can relate a little to Malibu Ken's probable befuddlement. He likely had never had that conversation with a woman before...or at least on that level, about that specific topic.

That said, in my advancing years, I'm beginning to feel the emotional side of sex better, and be more in touch with the intimate aura surrounding the act with someone who is more than just a passerby. Its definitely an interesting paradigm, but one that I'm beginning to like.

9:56 AM  
Blogger A Unique Alias said...

Wow. Very interesting . . . I can't blame him for not really understanding. I know I don't.

10:21 AM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

chase - i've been there too.

AM - it was something deeper. but also since going on BC my hormones have been crazier than Flava Flav. (eww gross did i just use the terms "my hormones" and "Flava Flav" in the same sentence???!?)

sethro - yes i'm sure MK has never thought about something like this before. but you do have sage advice. keep enjoying the more emotional side of sex ;)

AUA - i certainly don't blame him for not understanding. all that mattered was that he listened to me.

11:06 AM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

I think we're lucky we can have more than just physical feelings when we have sex. I don't envy men in that way...

4:33 PM  
Blogger JordanBaker said...

I have absolutely no "reasons why"-esque insights, becaues I know the reasons this has periodically happened to me have varied depending on who the other party was (I'll do this 'cause I love you/I'll do this 'cause it's easier than explaining why I don't want to/I'll do this 'cause I don't want to die alone). But the familiarity of the situation actually made me tear up a little bit.

5:18 PM  
Blogger Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

Damn. I've been in that place; it's terrifying, frankly, to all of a sudden realize your vulnerability.

Have you all worked things out?

9:57 PM  
Blogger Terry said...

This has happened to me (i.e. the woman, not myself) at the make out level, and not the intercourse level. We also stopped and talked about what was going on. I can understand Ken's feelings completely.

11:51 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

cookie - i agree

jordan - i think the reasons you listed are familiar to me as well.

RC - it's still hard for me to talk about it with him, but we are back in track otherwise ;)

terry - kudos for taking the time to listen

7:50 PM  
Blogger Twoste said...

Look: at the end of the day, it's just sex. I don't understand why people build up all this hulla ballou around an act that is, essentially, a fluid exchange. Sure we can't all be in the mood all the time, and sure, it can be disturbingly emotional when you're feeling uncertain or scared. But the point is that you have it with someone that is going to understand those feelings and be able to come to terms with how they make YOU feel, and not themselves.
Next time you're feeling uncertain, just don't get started. If anything, I've learned that, while real relationships are devoid of the so-called romantic "moments of transcendeny," then sex is the one act where love can be spontaneous and meaningful. But the feeling won't last forever, no matter how good in bed you are. It's important to remember keeps you grounded.

10:53 AM  
Blogger Crazy Girl City said...

It's a strange emotion that I don't think men can ever truly understand. They can feel bad, and be there for you, but I just don't think they will ever get why. Sometimes I don't get why.

4:08 PM  

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