Sunday, October 22, 2006

Closure

I'm still seeking closure. Today marks 2 months since the break-up and I am still hung up on him. Still wishing we were together, in spite of the shitty way he ended things. So for the past 2 weeks, I have bothered my ex to just say one thing to me: That he doesn't love me. It may sound weird to ask him to say it out loud to me, but I NEED it for closure. Because there are times when his actions speak much louder than those words, and there are times when he acts like he still cares. This whole month has been an emotional tsunami, and I really have no one to blame but myself.

So without going into all of the details, I wrote him an email in response to an email he sent regarding being out of town and wanting to see me in person:

EX,

I know you were out of town. You told me you would be. I'm not quite sure why you think we need to meet in person. I know I never suggested that and I don't think it's necessary. You certainly didn't think it was necessary to see me in person when you broke-up with me initially and you chose to do it over the phone.

If you do think we need to meet in person, that is fine, but you have dragged this out for 2 weeks. I'm sorry you don't feel well and I'm sorry you are traveling a lot. Avoiding confrontation might be your way of dealing with it but it's not my preferred method. And if you are already dating someone else and are avoiding talking to me out of respect for that person then you just need to say that.

All I ask is that you say you don't love me anymore. It shouldn't be that difficult to do since you have made it clear you don't want to be with me or talk to me ever again.

I know you don't need added stress to your life since work seems to be extremely busy, so if you just say what I need to hear then I won't contact you ever again according to your wishes. At least that way I can move on. I don't hate you but like I said, you seem to want to make me hate you and there is something that is just not right about that. I forgive you and I obviously still love you and I think hearing from you would be great. But it sucks to hear from you only every few days that "possibly" we can meet up and "possibly" you will call. Don't say those things if you don't mean them. I don't want to hear anymore "possiblys." Perhaps you can't understand that, but hearing all of these "possiblys" puts a sparkle of hope in my mind that is not valid. It's not fair.

I tend to think I am much more eloquent and honest via written communication anyway, so I hope you read this and realize that I am not trying to bitch you out - I'm just trying to express to you what I need right now. I don't need your "help" getting over this, even though you have been through a break-up before caused by your parents beliefs and your own personal agenda. I know that it hurts for you to have parents who are not fully open-minded but you've also clearly hurt me by how you have chosen to end this. I just hope that you stop hurting other people like this and just be honest with yourself. At the end of the day I definitely want you to be happy. And at the end when I stand before God and I'm asked what I'm most proud of in my life, I can honestly say that I loved freely and unconditionally. Not everyone can say that.


VP

I really want to believe he is a good person. But I'm starting to question that...so even if I don't get what I want, at least I can say that I was articulate and thoughtful until the very end.

11 Comments:

Blogger Law-Rah said...

Very articulate sweetie. You know that I stand behind you 100% on this one. It really sucks that he is still acting in a way that injects little bits of hope into your head and heart. You need this not only for your own closure, but he neededs to say it for himself. He has a lot of things he needs to face and admit to and this is a great place to start. Even if he doesn't respond, I am very proud of you:-)

8:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beautifully written, and very well handled. I find myself in a somewhat same situation (though he didn't even call, he just stopped speaking to me for six weeks or so and then decided to start again...?); with the "I want to see you" "Oh, nevermind, I can't." I wish I had the guts to do what you've done.

8:34 AM  
Blogger ejtakeslife said...

Maybe the only thing harder than being honest ourselves is asking someone else to be honest when you know the truth will hurt. Good for you for being brave enough to do what was necessary!

12:11 PM  
Blogger ejtakeslife said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:12 PM  
Blogger Twoste said...

That was a bad idea...why would Liam Gallagher do? Huh?!?! Yeah, you know what he'd do...if they don't wanna know, forget 'em.
Add about four more months to your two so far and you'll be in realistic "recovery" range. It sounds like you could use it too...

1:54 PM  
Anonymous O-face said...

Word..I agree with Twoste. Kind of made you look klingy and unrealistic. Your relationship is dead like Abe Vigoda. Let this shit go and find another man. I'm sorry but you live in a metro with 8 million other people. You should embrace the idea of meeting someone new instead of being so fearful. Fuck this dude, he's a d-bag and I hardly know him. (Spits, and starts doing the robocop). I love it when my girlfriends roll out on me. New people!!!

1:44 AM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

it's really funny how girls are saying that what i did was brave, and guys are just like, "move on."

i've been wronged **wrings clenched fists in air** and i think i have every reason to be upset and persistent with my request.


o-face: maybe you live in an easy world where things work out and you always have a new significant other to go to, but in reality it's not that easy for most. i have forces working against me that are out of my control - a mix of race, gender, power, status, and politics. so all i can do is be myself and be totally honest, even when others are not.

and fuck quantity - i want QUALITY. fuck whatever number of eligible guys you think this area has.

9:31 AM  
Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Don't apologize for doing what you have to do. I am in the process of composing a similar letter (whether or not I'll send it remains to be seen), and I know that you just have to do what it takes for you to move on-- who cares what the ex has to say about it? It isn't about him; it's about you.

10:13 AM  
Blogger chicgirl said...

yes - don't apologize. he did what he needed to for himself; you deserve closure and you should do whatever you need to to get it.

A point to note - when I have shown someone how much I care (as you have here) - they come back years later because most people are too egotistical to put themselves out there. It is his loss in the end that he didnt hold onto someone that loved him so much!

10:31 AM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

Oh wow. I was in an on-again off-again confusing relationship like this for 5 years. I promise when you're ready, you'll find yourself on the other side of it and realize you're a much stronger, more confident person for having survived it.

Keep your head up. You're handling this with a maturity that most women will never know.

10:51 AM  
Blogger Freckled K said...

I think that most women will read your letter and completely get it. Unfortunately, most men will not. But I'll bet just writing out what you wanted helped you to feel better. Whether or not he responds (and I hope that he does), you did something for YOU. His reaction to it is irrelevant.

1:22 PM  

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