Friday, September 29, 2006

The Myth, The Legend: The Return of Friday Boobies

It's been a crazy couple of weeks here in VP land. I know I have left some of you distraught by the absence of the venerable institution that is Friday Boobies.

Do not fret my dears. Friday Boobies is here and it's fierce. I can think of no other lady to kick-off this rebirth of mammaries, than one of my fave Brit imports:

Ahhhh she is just a breath of fresh air and ta tas. Score: 9. I hope everyone has a great weekend and wow I can't believe it's October already!

Thursday, September 28, 2006

My Guy

I'm slowly readjusting to sleeping alone in my bed. It sucks. I've taken to curling up with my 15 decorative pillows, Kermit the Frog stuffed toys, and numerous blankets/throws.

But now with this nifty product I can have my own guy to cuddle with.

The My Guy pillow can be stuffed with any standard pillow and the arm attached to provide that all important comfort zone.

Is this just a wee-bit sad? Yes. Is it a wee-bit funny? Of course!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Urban Myths

Nip/Tuck has jumped shipped and gone into unsavable territory. Last night's story line involved (SPOILER ALERT) Liz meeting a babe at a lesbian bar, taking the hottie home, and then Liz waking up without HER LIVER. Come on Nip/Tuck! What happened to your writers? Did they all catch e. coli from a tainted spinach bacon and egg salad (yummmm) which left you scrambling for suitable writers? I guess all they could find were 14 year old boys who once heard a story from drunk Uncle Johnny about having a few Coors at a bar and then waking up missing an organ. The show is pretty unbearable to watch now and damn creepy (don't get me started on Sean sleeping with the teenage baby sitter who looks 35, the midget caregiver, and Matt becoming a Scientologist).

Actually, you can tell the writers are 14 year olds because the best line of the night came from Christian when he said, "My your chocolate cupcakes are looking yummy today," referring to Sanaa Lathan's bosom.

On a slightly related note, did anyone see the Fox5 report about people falling through grates on sidewalks? I thought this was just another urban myth, and yet I still avoid grates when possible, mostly because I wear heels, but also because the thought of falling through one freaks me out. Has anyone read about this topic on Snopes?

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

We Built This City on Rock & Roll (...and Douchebags)

So last night I went to Hotel Washington with Law-rah, MappyB, DCSC, Sweet, Buggie, Heather, Velvet, and Marci. Totally impromptu and totally what I needed - drinks, fun smart girls, and a spectacular view of DC. I can't believe I've never been up there before! It was such a treat because the weather was awesome and we saw someone very special get dropped off on the lawn at the White House.

But of course it wouldn't be DC without some douchebags in attendance. Us gals were having a grand time talking about penis cake molds and Harleys when this tiny drunk man with frosted, gelled, and shallacked hair yells, "Shut Up!" in our direction. His friends are clearly embarrased and they leave soon after. Our waiter told us he knew we were not the problem and the dude had a little too much to drink. But the fact Tiny Dude felt compelled to make a scene and try to be cool was just sad. Buggie pointed out that there is just a certain something about DC people that is so off-putting and well, unwelcome at times.

This brings me to another story from this past weekend. I went with 2 college friends to Science Club (btw I LOVE the bartenders there) and there was a group of guys in a corner. One guy in particular kept looking in our direction and he finally came over to strike up a conversation. I wish he hadn't. He was cute but had a terrible attitude. He talked about how much non-profits sucked for not hiring him, how he now works at the United Way answering phones, and he hates that Cap Hill is so partisan. Ummm ok. He then asks my group where we live (Virginia). He then responds, "Oh so none of you live in DC." No. We just said we live in VA. I asked him how long he had been living in Cap Hill and he said "about 6 months (I think he said that - I was sorta tuning him out at that point) and he's from New Jersey."

So wait a minute. You are not even from the DC metro area and you are going to give me a lecture on bi-partisanship and DC? No thanks. If you weren't living here when our team was the Bullets and you never got busted at Buzz at Nation, don't you EFFIN dare tell me anything about DC.

I was clearly disgusted with him and he said, "Oh I guess you don't want to talk to me anymore and you're like rolling your eyes and stuff." At that point I politely excused myself to the bathroom and left my poor friends there but I knew if I talked to him any longer I was going to throw my delicious sour apple martini on his wrinkled button down shirt. The best part was when he said he liked to go to "singles bars" and "pick up girls." Then he suavely added, "But don't worry I'm not trying to pick up you girls." Well, thank you Mr. Turd Douchebag for clarifying. To top it all off he tried to hang out and follow us to our next bar. I pretty much told him to go back to his friends and have a great evening.

In the end I still love, and will always love, Washington, DC. I have considered it my home for the past 13 years. I know there are wonderful people in DC who are caring, compassionate, and enjoyable. I'm friends with some of these people. But I'm wondering, why is this city filled with tons of people with huge turd chips on their shoulders??

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Wide Open Spaces

Yesterday I felt like screaming but decided there was no place to do it. Today I felt like screaming. I was preparing to go to the corner of 7th and I NW and just belt it out. But I quickly realized that it might create some safety concerns and worried looks.

So where does one go to scream? Short of some desolete island, wooded area or far corner of Antartica, there are not too many places where you can go to scream and be alone (and I don't really "do" outdoorsy places). I thought about driving out to Skyline Drive area at night, getting out at one of those scenic overlook spots and just screaming my guts out. Although I know if my parents found out I drove there by myself and stopped at some random spot they would NOT be pleased. But I need a wide open space where I can look up into the stars and hope they receive my spirit.

Until I can find that place, at some point in time when I am in my car I am going to scream and let it all out.

Monday, September 18, 2006

I Don't Feel Like Dancing

Since I am depressed and wailing like a banshee at night until I pass out from exhaustion, I decided to indulge in buying CDs and discovering new music. There is nothing like a good CD to get you out of a funk for awhile.

First - go here: and stream their new CD. It's disco-tastic and "I Don't Feel Like Dancing" is the most peppy song about just wanting to stay your ass at home. I can not WAIT to see them live at Virgin Festival this Saturday along with RHCP, The Who, Gnarls Barkley, The Killers, Kasabian, Brazilian Girls, and Gnarls Barkley!

Second - Van Morrison's Moondance. Where the EFF has this CD been all my life? Seriously, I have listened to it non-stop. So bittersweet really. Songs like "Crazy Love" and "These Dreams of You" hit close to home. But I have decided that if I do someday get married (I seriously don't think I ever will) "Moondance" will be my wedding song. It's just totally me.

Third - Maroon 5- Songs About Jane. I know I'm about 2 yrs too late on buying this. I've heard the CD lots of times but never owned it. Now it's mine and having a CD about a bad break-up is good right now.

Lastly - I know I've already discussed Justin Timberlake in my previous post but I am really digging this CD. "FutureSex/Lovesound" (track #1) gets the CD HOT right from the start. "Love Stoned/I Think She Knows Me" has such a sweet little beat. And "Until The End of Time" surprised me the most, sounding like some straight up Jodeci. Mmmmmm, so groovy. Love it! Grab a lover. Grab a random. Grab anybody and get down on it!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Dammmmnnnnn Justin

Dear Justin,

Your new CD makes me want to do naughty things to you, as well as touch myself. I can't even listen to your CD at work because I start grinding in my leather chair. Keep up the good work.

Love and wicked beats,

VP of Dior

Monday, September 11, 2006

Chasing Cars

Soooo, when nursing a broken heart it's probably not best to mix the new Snow Patrol album with wine. This dangerous combo led me to beg a friend for a ticket so I could go to the show last night at the 930 club.

The show was great and Snow Patrol deserves all the hype. They aren't just a Coldplay redux - actually if I could pick a few bands they sound like I would have to say they're a mix of Coldplay, Radiohead, Belle and Sebastian, and Manic Street Preachers. Blend together and BAM! A killer sound, especially live. I think people would have been surprised how much they rock live.

And of course, Snow Patrol played their sappy love songs, which tugged at my heart with the utmost sincerity. This fall Snow Patrol will be everywhere, considering "Chasing Cars" is on Grey's Anatomy Vol.2 soundtrack (it plays when Denny dies....oh shit I'm already tearing up) and "Chocolate" from the first album is on the "The Last Kiss" soundtrack. Bring out the Kleenex!

Thursday, September 07, 2006

We Want a Maury Povich Paternity Test!!!

Open. Set of Maury Povich Show taping on September 7, 2006.

Maury: Chris Klein.....You are the father of 4-month old Suri Cruise! The DNA (and pics) don't lie!

Audience Member #1: (sound of laughing and cackling)You know that damn baby looks like you! You have the same eyes!

Tom Cruise: Y'all shutup! I'm gonna be the only daddy this baby knows!!! L. Ron will be the judge of that!!

Fade to black.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Pause and......BREATHE.....

So I've got a lot of issues swirling around in my head. I had a pretty nice get-away in VA Beach where the weather was fab. Unfortunately I got myself a ticket for jaywalking (the cop had nothing better to do) and I got sick with bronchitis and laryngitis. But the worst part is that my vacation was fleeting because I've returned to the exact same sadness I've inhabited for the past 2 weeks.

I can't pretend like I'm doing "OK" right now but what else can you say to people? I really want to answer this too common question by saying exactly how I feel: How am I doing? You know when you get your blood pressure taken and the band closes around your arm and you feel every pulse, every piece of DNA pumping through your veins so acutely that it makes you terribly aware that you are alive? I feel like my entire being is wrapped in one of those bands and I am being squeezed into the reality that every part of myself - the pain, the misery, the sadness, the sickness, the anger, the bitterness, the fear, the uncertainty, the hope, the joy, the faith, the crushing sense of defeat - is fully alive. I feel everything. This is who I am. This is my curse: that I've always been the kind of person to feel everything so intensely that it hurts. Maybe it's better to be the kind of person who numbs the pain and insists on never feeling every heart string, every answered and unanswered prayer. I don't know. For now I guess I can just go about my daily solitary routines of work, gym, reading, shopping, etc. All I can really do at the end of the day is survive and be grateful for all that I have right now.