Friday, April 28, 2006

Friday Boobies

There's two reasons to rejoice today: today is my last day at work, after putting in 2 hard years, and it's Friday Boobies* time! Today's lady, while not busy earning her title of "Backstabbing - Husband Stealing- Maneating Divorcee of the Year", keeps herself fit by not eating much and taking care of her two daughters. The not eating I can't get behind, but I think her boobies are real:

This picture of Denise Richards was most likely taken after her first daughter was born (or maybe the second...). This would explain the heaving cleavage and healthier look. Does anyone know if she had a boob job? Either way her ta tas (that one is for the Playaz) look great. I think she is pretty sexy overall. I'm giving her an 7.5.

*A note on Friday Boobies - someone asked me why I started this weekly assessment of boobies. Some of you might think this is a ploy to drive readers to my site, which really isn't the case. I mean I'm sure at this point I'm still not at the top of number 1 sites searching for "boobies." There are A LOT of sites featuring boobies because hey, sex sells. I started this series out of a need to highlight good natural boobs and make fun of bad implants. And I really do like boobies. Who doesnt?????

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I Get What I Want

Thanks to everyone on the well wishes with my new job. The update is that although I will lose all of the vacation time I had, my last day at Old Hag PR and Inc. will be this Friday. My new job as Marketing/PR Coordinator for hip, start-up that services the travel and destination industry will start next Wed. It's not as long a break as I would hope, but hey I need the money!!

Which leads me to my next question: is it cheesy to have personal calling cards? They're sorta like business cards but might contain your cell # and personal email, as opposed to work info (my god I'm a stationary whore!). I ask because while networking I like to give out my contact info but not necessarily have people bothering me on my work phone. Some paper companies make very expensive calling cards (Kate Spade is there ANYthing you won't make and brand as preppy? Next they'll have Kate Spade gel shoe inserts) and come in a variety of designs for "personal expression." Of course if I order cards I will be tempted to involve the title "Esquire" in there somewhere....

Monday, April 24, 2006

Breaking Point?

OK, so I have been offered a job. I also am waiting to hear back today on another job. I accepted the first job with the hopes that if I get the other job I can just tell job #1 I've found something better. It's not my preferred method but it at least it ensures me a job. And no I'm not going to say where because it's still too early to be jinxing myself :)

So last Friday I told my employer that I wanted to start my new job on May 1. My last day would be this Friday, thus only giving my employer 1 week. At first I felt bad about giving such short notice, but after talking to my boss just now I can tell you why I no longer feel bad:

1. He asked me if me leaving was an issue of money. Well....DUH MUTHEREFFER! Then he asked why I didn't come ask for a review. How dare you try to spin this around on me and say that because I did not come to you to ask for a raise this is my fault. The last time I got a raise it was a measley amount and I know your cheap asses will not offer me what I will be making elsewhere.

2. I inquired whether my saved up time-off could be reimbursed to me on my final paycheck. The answer: A big fat no. Well, clearly you are forcing me to call in "sick" the rest of the week to use my days.

3. My employer wants me to stay through the first week of May because they need my help wrapping up projects. Um, yeah that would be nice of me and all, but where is the incentive to stay? Health coverage that doesn't cover birth control?? Old co-workers??? Boring clients? Nope. And I would be losing out on a week's worth of higher wages. Don't think so.

4. According to Oprah's "Debt Diet" increasing your salary is a simple step to financial integrity. And you know I always listen to Oprah.

So I don't feel bad if I don't agree to stay longer than this Friday. I want out. I don't like to burn bridges, and it would be great to use my supervisor as a reference, but if I leave them hanging and it reflects poorly on me than so be it - right???

Friday, April 21, 2006

Friday Boobies

Today's featured lady is Eva Longoria. She's pretty and I like how she owns her petite frame. Also, she clearly knows the value of a good push-up bra.

She doesn't have large boobs, but she definitely knows how to accentuate them. I'm giving her a score of 7 (and let's hope she leaves Desperate Housewives for bigger stardom)!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

What is wrong with people????

God I swear when the weather gets nice people's brains start to revolt against their body and do stupid shit. Like rollerblade in the MIDDLE OF THE STREET in Alexandria. Then have the nerve to look pissed when cars are near. Or people trying to cross the GW Parkway on foot (as though they have the right of way!) or everyone "yogging" or seeing three accidents on my commute home. On days like this I stay inside and avoid falling into the trap of spring fever. Although on the drive home, with the windows down and blasting YYY's "Turn Into", I passed the scenic monuments and felt a sense of joy. I love D.C. in the spring :)

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

TomKat's Arrival

It appears that Katie Holmes gave "birth" to a girl last night. TomKat named the girl Suri. Congrats TomKat. No maybe Katie can stop pretending to be pregnant while shopping for uncomfortable shoes. Introducing "Suri Xenu Holmes Cruise" (I added the middle name):

Monday, April 17, 2006

Weekend Recap - No Rest for the Weary Edition

Friday - Tried to get some rest in between work and going out. Didn't happen. I rallied to go to a house party in A-town, where I was faced with a cooler of an undisclosed liquid delight. Upon tasting it I determined it was a pink-lemonade variety of jungle juice. Of course what I didn't taste was the Everclear that promptly worked its way into my system. From there my friends and I went to Clarendon Grill and actually had a good time. I've got nothing against the place but it gets old quick. I randomly saw a few friends and didn't realize how drunk I was until I felt the "let-your-fingers-do-the-slurring" sensation. I drunk dialed Malibu Ken and basically blabbered on and on about missing him (he was home for Easter) which was totally unnecessary because he was coming back Sunday night. I passed out after chowing on a bowl of Frosted Flakes.

Saturday - HANGOVER GALORE. Everclear is no joke. I went and looked at apartments with a friend and found nothing that worked (although I found a place just for me but will discuss that later). Outside was really nice so I was able to go for a run after the hangover went away. Then headed to Pentagon-City for some window-shopping. After consulting with my Cabinet of Debauchery (my liver, immune system, and wallet), I made the executive decision to not go out. I caught shit from some friends, but I'm at a point where I don't even care what they say. I had an enjoyable time by myself at home, going through my belongings and conducting spring cleaning.

Sunday - Woke up at 8 freaking:30AM to go to church with my family. I wasn't even all that refreshed from my night in. For those of you who don't know, some churches that are Baptist or have the name "New Life" in the title and are predominately black for some awful reason like to hold service for 3 hrs. Yes, I was in church from 10-1PM. The pastor had to acknowledge everyone and their mother. There was also some kind of "Passion Skit" depicting Jesus's death/resurrection. I swear it was the most dramatic skit I've ever seen in a church. Jesus was acting like a mime and his "followers" were doing some wacky new-agey dancing. I felt bad for wanting to laugh but after sitting for so long I had no choice.

After church my family and I wanted to go to Macaroni Grill, but the location was mysteriously shut-down. So we went with our backup - Olive Garden. After that I bid my family goodbye and decided Ikea was my next destination. Nothing says the resurrection of Jesus like the Noresund side table and mirror. Damn they are going to look good in my room. Ikea is almost as bad as Target because you go in just to buy some organizers and come out with a 40' x 50' polka dot rug.

From Ikea I rushed home to see MK. He will be doing a lot of traveling this week so Sunday night was my only time to see him. It's interesting how much we appreciate the time we do get to spend with one another. And it helps when he makes me an Easter basket with cookies, Cadbury Eggs, and a plush bunny :) Hope everyone else had a good Easter!

Friday, April 14, 2006

(Good) Friday Boobies

Cookie was getting a little anxious for this post:)

This week has been long and tiring, filled with time zone wackiness, crying fits, job interviews, house hunting, and no sleep. But whenever I am filled with despair, I know that I can turn to Friday Boobies. Today's lady is on my top 5 list of beautiful women. She is sex appeal in my opinion. Some may say she's had work done on her face, but I think the boobies are real (or she has a great boobery plastic surgeon):

(Picture from Esquire)

I first fell in love with her in Austin Powers. Her career hasn't really taken off but something about her appeals to me. And although I do not agree with her statements that after giving birth to her son she limited her food intake to just water and a couple of grapes a day, I do think this post-baby picture shows her perfect bosom. I do believe this is a first ladies and gentlemen - I'm giving her a 10. Happy Good Friday Boobies and Happy Easter everyone!

Paging: Hollywood's Best Costume and Prop Designers


This looks like it came straight out of the costume room of Passions.

OK, OK. So maybe it's real. Her face and arms look bigger. I've never been preganant so I'm not the source to go to. But you can't deny something is afoot here!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Spring Fling

Ahh the spring and humidity that make D.C. so special is back. Bad hair days are a'coming.

This spring also has brought about major changes in my life that require some life decisions evaluation. Maybe I should consult the TLC "Life Lessons" figurines for guidance? (BTW I LOVE those ads. "Merlot and email don't mix"= brazilliant.)

Lots of good TV on last night. On ANTM the FHM looking girl got the boot. She just wasn't fierce enough. I think the remaining girls are pretty good and I'm rooting for Danielle.

Holy hell Lost is getting intense. "Henry Gale" gets creepier every episode and I can't wait to find out his real identity. Rose and Bernard's back story brought me to tears and I totally called Michael coming back from the mad mad jungle. How many more seasons do the producers think people will hold out for until the truth about the island is revealed????

And now I present my current songs du jour:

"In Like A Lamb, Out Like a Wino Playlist"
"Get Together" - Madonna
"The Sweets" - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"Heartbeats" Jose Gonzalez
"This Is Love" - PJ Harevy
"Khaki Suit" - Damian Marley
"Temperature" - Sean Paul
"Waiting For You" - Ben Harper
"Date With The Night" - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"I Want To Hear What You've Got to Say" - The Subways
"Cigarettes and Chocolate" - Rufus Wainwright
"Nightbirds" - Ryan Adams
"Cool" - Gwen Stefani

Monday, April 10, 2006

Stuck on California Time

Man, not gonna lie - Anaheim kinda sucked. I worked a lot and didn't have the time or energy to go out. My hotel was nice but I missed home and I missed my boy. I don't really have good pics to post. The most exciting part of the trip was my layover in Vegas where I won $20 at the slots. I know, totally Grandma-style gambling.

When I got back to town yesterday morning Malibu Ken came over and presented me with a gift of Ghiradelli Chocolates from the factory in San Francisco (he was on a business trip as well). We then had a nice brunch at Whitlows. The boy can eat so he was in heaven. Then I dragged him to Eastern Market where I proceeded to do some serious moola-damage. I was exhibiting major self control until I came upon too-cute-for-words bags by De Nada. I also nabbed some fresh strawberries.

After that we went home and watched the Masters. I'm not into golf but being able to cuddle with MK was so nice. I never thought that I would be so happy to have someone to come home to. Someone who laughs with me and smiles at me while I squeal over cute trinkets at Eastern Market. I've come to the conclusion that he spoils me - but he likes to do it. And I like it too :)

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

California sun has sunk, Behind the Anaheim hills here comes the night....



I am heading to Anaheim, CA on a work trip for a few days.

Here are my accommodations for my stay: Anabella Hotel. I am going to try and fit in some pool, spa, and exercise time (while proactively avoiding touristy families and Tinkerbelle).

As for the status of this week's Friday Boobies, I won't be able to post because I will be tied up with work. Rest assure that Friday Boobies will make a glorious return on Good Friday (and let's be honest any day with boobies is a Good Friday.....oops is that sacrilegious???????? Naw its sacri-licious). Also, can you guess the song this post's title comes from?? Enjoy your week everyone!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Office Politics

First, I'm strugglin' a bit at work which makes this post even more relevant to why I dislike some of my co-workers.

I'm strugglin' because last night was Nubian Temptress's 20-something birthday celebration. It was loverly to finally meet her and a few other people ("Diva527" holla). Asian Mistress and Virgle Kent were also in attendance. Maybe it was because I didn't have dinner before drinking, but when I woke up this morning my body was saying Hell to the Naw. My stomach has been uneasy and I strolled into work about 30 min late (Nubian I hope you made it in to work!).

Besides needing a new job like whoa, here is my work issue: I have told too many personal things to some co-workers and now they think we are friends. Big mistake because for the most part I believe you should keep work and private life separate. It gets too too sticky when you are in a compromising/embarrassing situation that your co-workers will definitely find out about. It's tough because you want to be cordial and feign some kind of interest in your co-workers and sometimes you really do become friends.

In my situation I work with a lot of older people who I have nothing in common with. I am always polite and can get along with almost anyone, but it's tough to talk about your wild weekend at Camelot to 55 yr old co-workers. There are two 50-something women in this office who provide me some much needed estrogen as well. But again, they are older and not in touch.

Woman 1 is the accountant and comptroller. She only works part-time and is very devoted to her family. Woman 2 is the office manager/payroll/executive assistant diva. She got married for the first time at the age of 50-something and is very very bitchy. They have a very different opinion about things, but both usually differ from mine which is fine. I have often shared personal information with them and asked for their advice on some things I know they are knowledgeable about. However, I think their advice and judgments of my personal life have gotten to be unwarranted and downright rude.

Exhibit A: I recently reduced my contribution to the 401K plan because of a few reasons. I am still contributing a good amount especially considering my salary is a joke. When I told Woman 2 that I needed to do this (she has to enter the information in the payroll database) she basically berated me and asked why I was adjusting the amount. Her inquiry came off as suggesting that I am being irresponsible about my financial future. IT IS NONE OF YOUR GOD DAMN BUSINESS "WHY" I AM CHANGING THE AMOUNT. All you need to know is the "when." You have no idea what other kind of savings/IRA/mob consulting endeavors I participate in or my financial situation. Also, it was totally rude and unprofessional to ask me about the 401K change in the front entrance of the office where anyone can hear.

Exhibit B: I am looking to move in June to somewhere in Ballston where I currently live (if anyone needs a roommate let me know!). In a lunchtime conversation I commented - nay joked - that it would be cheaper and more economically sound to get a 1 bedroom with Malibu Ken. Never mind the facts that I have never suggested this scenario to MK, I have never even lived with a significant other, and we really haven't been dating that long. Although I love and adore him and I think we would be good cohabitators, I understand it may be too soon in our relationship. Anyway, Woman 1 and Woman 2 scoffed at me and said it would be "putting the cart before the horse." Such an old woman thing to say. Then Woman 2 asked me in a condescending tone, "Why do all young women want to live with boyfriends and get pregnant and not marry?" Bitches, I don't know what you are talking about! There are plenty of independent women who do not do this. I do not have plans to shack up and get pregnant anytime soon!! And you, Miss "old spinster-i just got married-and no one puts Woman 2 in the corner" hag have no right to come at me with that tone.

Exhibit C: I eat lunch with Woman 1 and Woman 2 because I try to act like I like these people and am a team player. Both women ask me 21 questions concerning my lunch selection and often comment that what I eat is "crap." I often eat Lean Cuisines or microwave things for lunch because of the convenience and cheapness. But I also make sure to snack on fruit and eat smaller portions throughout the day. The other day Woman 1 commented during lunch that my Lean Cuisine was small and clearly not enough to eat. Woman 2 agreed and said my meal did not look very appetizing. Woman 1 then pulled me aside later and told me she noticed that I've lost weight but I look good. Ummm, excuse me. Maybe if I got paid more than an indentured servant I could afford to feast on dungeness crab and fresh pomegranate every day. BUT I DON'T MAKE ENOUGH MONEY AND THEREFORE DO NOT SPEND A LOT ON FOOD. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO ASK MY BOSS TO GIVE ME A RAISE BY ALL MEANS DO SO.

Exhibit D: Woman 2 makes fun of me for liking Katie Couric. She thinks Katie moving to CBS is a joke because Katie is not a "real news anchor." Newsflash you old fart, Walter Cronkite is no longer on the air and women also have the right to vote. She asked me today in a snotty tone if I was going to watch "that idiot" Couric on CBS. First, I don't really watch evening news programs because I am out being active and not sitting in front of the TV. Second, I get a lot of my news from online resources. Third, shut your old nasty mouth.

So as you can see, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I think I have a solid case here to institute a ban on sharing personal issues and likes/dislikes concerning pop-culture. I also will politely cut back on the number of days I eat lunch with them. It may appear that these two women are merely looking out for my best interest, but I am tired of being looked down upon for my life choices. I will just have to find other older women who are more on my wavelength and available to be sincere mentors. Have any of you had issues with a co-worker being all in your business because they think you two are friends?

Monday, April 03, 2006

Turn It Out, Bitches

From Madonna's "Confessions Tour" website:



April 3, 2006… New York City. FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Madonna will be dancing and singing across the stages of the world this spring and summer, it was announced today. The “Confessions Tour” with concerts across major US cities, Canada, Europe and Japan will begin in Los Angeles on May 21st. “Confessions” tour dates were officially confirmed by Madonna’s managers Angela Becker and Guy Oseary, along with Arthur Fogel, President of The Next Adventur (a Live Nation Company), the tour’s worldwide promoter.

Tour stops in North America for the “Confessions Tour” will include arenas in Chicago, Boston, San Jose, Phoenix, Fresno, Las Vegas, Philadelphia, Atlantic City, Miami, Montreal and New York. Overseas appearances will take place in arenas, stadiums and outdoor venues in Paris, France; Amsterdam, The Netherlands; Cardiff, Wales; Rome, Italy; Dusseldorf and Hannover Germany; Horsens, Denmark; Osaka and Tokyo Japan.

The “Confessions” Tour will be directed by longtime Madonna collaborator Jamie King with Stuart Price once again on board as Musical Director. Arianne Phillips and Jean Paul Gaultier, long standing members of Madonna’s creative team, will respectively oversee and design costumes for the tour.

Madonna’s previous tour, the 2004 “Re-Invention Tour” was the most successful tour of that year, according to Billboard Magazine.

The Warner Bros. Records mega star, whose current CD “Confessions on a Dance Floor” debuted at No.1 in 29 countries, has already begun rehearsals in Los Angeles with her talented troupe of musicians and dancers. With a staggering 35 No. 1 hits on Billboard’s dance charts during the course of her unparalleled career, it’s no surprise that Madonna issued the following mission statement regarding the “Confessions Tour”: “I’m going to turn the world into one big dance floor,” exhorted the Material Girl.

The multi-Grammy Award winning artist, songwriter, children’s book author, producer and video visionary with an unrivaled reputation for astonishing stage spectacles, has made musical history many times over including international record sales of over 200 million albums. A cultural innovator of astonishing diversity and enduring appeal, Madonna has defined our era with a sound, style and vision that has inspired countless artists and millions of fans around the globe. In the process, she has pioneered a new model of creative empowerment, overseeing a multi-faceted career that encompasses virtually every aspect of contemporary culture.

As I read this a rhinestone tear drop of joy fell from my glittery eye. I last saw Her Madgesty on the D.C. stop of the 'Music" World Tour. Unfortch, there is no scheduled stop in D.C. for the "Confessions" Tour :( But Philly is only a 3 hr car ride away. Rumor has it that the tour will feature dancers in disco and roller rink sets, as well as full length catwalks. I'm in a frenzy - HOT! HOT!MADONNA LIVE!