Thursday, December 29, 2005

It's A Celebration Bitches, Pt. 4- HAPPY NEW YEARS

I'm leaving tonight to go down to Nags Head, NC for a wedding. This is the first weekend "away" for Malibu Ken and I and I can't wait. (And I get my presents!haha. Also, Sethro I can't promise we'll stop in, and plus I don't even know where you live! ) Meeting MK has definitely been a highlight of the past year, along with meeting new friends, starting this blog, traveling to new cities (Chicago, Dallas, Miami, Kansas City, Hartford), and having my family there to support me.

I hope everyone has a safe holiday and keeps friends, family, and U.S. military troops in mind.

2005 has been a doozy - put your lighters up for 2006!

It's A Celebration Bitches, Pt. 3

This New Year's Eve will be one second longer according to scientists, to take into account changes in the earth's rotation. So there's an extra second for 2005- what will you take that extra second to think about/appreciate/live over?

It's A Celebration Bitches, Pt. Deux

Does anyone else worship Dane Cook?? He is so freakin hilarious. He was in the so-so movie "Waiting" but his stand-up bits are awesome and his CDs are the best selling comic releases since Steve Martin. I just bought the latest CD from Best Buy and people driving next to me must think I'm looney because I can't stop laughing in my car. Great long distance driving accompaniment.

"It makes you want to punch a baby!" - Dane Cook

It's A Celebration Bitches, Pt. 1

I'm making this a four-part series because I'm at post #95 and I want my first post of 2006 to be my 100th. So stay tuned.....

I don't know what "nice bug" hit my boss, but he's given me two xmas gifts. First, he gave all of the girls gift certificates for the Sugar House Spa in Old Town( I went today and got a manicure and will go back for my massage!). Then yesterday he came into my office and presented me with a bottle of Glenfiddich, 18 year reserve. His exact quote, "I can't drink that shit. And I'm not giving it to my boys, so drink up!". What the hell am I going to do with a bottle of scotch whiskey?????!?!?!

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

This Better Involve A Tiffany's Little Blue Box....

Is anyone else at work bored out of their minds?? The whole metro area is as quiet as a mouse. Frankly, it's kind of refreshing.


So the xmas holiday was very good to me. I actually got my Magic Bullet and wine tower, as well as assorted drinking paraphenelia from my mom (which prompted my father to ask, "Do you really need a whole tower to house your wine??!??!). My little brother again proved he rocks at gift selections by giving me a pink Baby Phat purse and Sweet Pea accoutrement from Bath&Body Works. The kid has good taste - I've taught him well. I also got money and an American Express gift card - sooo cool. And I'm thankful for getting to spend quality time with my family, including watching Mama Dukes get tipsy off of apple martinis.

Alas, Santa did not put David Beckham under my tree, but he did give me a very special gift in the form of a hot man - my boyfriend. Malibu Ken used the term "girlfriend", officially ending any speculation on my part that I would be doomed to DTR hell. It's been two years since I was in a committed relationship so it's very weird. Not gonna lie - I have no idea how to act. Like, you mean I can't talk about how that hot guy at Trader Joe's made me feel funny inside? I can't flirt and dance with boys to get free drinks at Ozio???!? Damn. But seriously, I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend right now (Except for the fact that we still have not exchanged xmas gifts. Apparently my gift was "not ready" by xmas so we will exchange gifts on New Years in Nags Head. Hmm what kind of gift would not be ready??? Jewelry? Monogrammed robe?? I'm hoping it's monogrammed Tiffany jewelry that had to be sent out to Italy for engraving. Yes, that's it ....OK I'm getting way ahead of myself. His excuse was that he wanted to give me my gift down out the beach in an "intimate" setting. I think it sounds like that mofo just put off xmas shopping to the last possible second, or wants to take advantage of after-xmas sales. Either way, I still have to wait 3 more days to get my gift....). But thank you Santa for putting a hot boy under my tree and making xmas super duper fantabulous!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Merry Christmas, To One and All

Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Bandit the Panda

Only in a semi-boring town could a baby panda become the hottest ticket in town, but I have to admit I succumbed to the madness (as well as the cuteness) and reserved my tickets for a viewing in January.

So what is it about this little creature that causes me to waste time at work watching the Panda-Cam? Tai Shan is dead sexy, and he even has a blog to prove it. The true, original blog for Tai Shan is authored by his inner wild child -Bandit the Panda. All other blogs are inadequate - don't get it twisted.

I have been a fan of the site for a few months now. Bandit the Panda is crazy, sexy, cool and uses the word clownmunch a lot, which I like. He also has his own online store of Bandit merchandise.

I noticed that Bandit has a whole staff of people working with him, including a publicist, editor, personal trainer, and security. But one position was not filled - stylist. And who better to step in as Bandit's personal stylist than VP of Dior!

I pulled together a quick application and posted it in hopes Bandit would see. He's super busy playing around with old Michelin tires and outsmarting foxes, but he read my application and offered me the job! From Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda:

I never knew I needed a personal stylist...

...until I read this. I asked Mom if she thought I should hire a stylist. She honked about my ego getting out of hand or whatnot, but I really think she's just jealous.This person has put together a pretty tight application, so I've copied it here and want everyone to welcome VP of Dior to the staff.

Name: VP of Dior
Position Applying For: Personal Stylist
Qualifications: First, let me say your coat is amazing. Black and white is always in. Black is especially making a comeback this year, BTW. I have been a slave to fashion for 23 yrs and believe that one's personal style should represent taste and passion. I have styled myself, family members, clueless ex-boyfriends, doggie companions, and hapless sorority sisters in need. My biggest client was Dolly, the cloned sheep, who I inspired to embrace the wonders of Diane von Furstenberg wrap dresses.

DC is not known for its fashion savvy. Do not fret--I will make you even more bad-ass and avoid anything that resembles a Brooks Brother wool sweater. I see you rockin' a younger, polished version of Brad Pitt's style (let's face it you're just as hot as Pitt!). The Denim Bar in A-Town has fabulous distressed jeans that will look great on that little tushy (no doubt the time with the trainer is paying off!). Perhaps mix a D-squared bomber jacket with a new t-shirt from your own line, and throw in Dior shades. And to keep things down to earth pair it with a vintage brim hat from Eastern Market. You would be the most stylin mofo up in that zoo piece!

If you are not sure about this style, I will gladly listen to your wants and needs. I shall avoid any designers who use fur, including the heinous J-Lo. I hope you like my vision and it would be my great honor to style you.

I actually noticed she has a blog of her own, so I'm adding it to the links on my sidebar. I think I'd look pretty badass in a bomber jacket riding around town on my chopper, so that's cool. I think I might look a bit like a tool in jeans, but hey who really knows about these things until they try them. My fur is the most important priority for me. Mom makes it pink when she licks me, which is NOT cool. Ok VP of Dior, do your thing--make her stop!

Bandit, I am delighted to be on your team and working hard to maintain your star status. As soon as the new year begins I will sit down and map out your 2006 style agenda!

Monday, December 19, 2005


Is anyone else near the point of Lindsay HoHan-type exhaustion? Soon I'll need to check into a "spa." Between work, xmas parties, holiday festivities and shopping I'm pooped. The parking attendants at Pentagon City know me by first name, I've been to three holiday parties, and I've eaten my weight in cookies. I have a "Holiday Ho Ho Ho Sex Toy" party tonight, plans to see Brokeback Mountain on Tuesday, my brother's birthday on Wednesday, and another holiday party on Thursday. I find that sometimes I have trouble saying no to social invitations and wear myself out. There has to be a point where you just start saying NO, right?

Luckily not all of my friends said no to my party I threw on Saturday. My 2nd annual Festivus party was great and I was pleasantly surprised at the success of the toiletries shoebox project for S.O.M.E. I also decorated the living room and dining room with a red motif of ornaments and fresh fruit in cylinder vases, coupled with glowing red candles and a kissing ball (all courtesy of the Mecca and Pier 1 Imports). A lot of people showed up and I lost track of how many drinks I had by 10:30 PM. Being the gracious host that I am, I completey forgot to hand out gifts I had hidden in my closet to close friends who were in attendance. And I may or may not have passed out fully clothed in my red corset top before any kind of foreplay with MK could commence.

Edited 12/20/05 to add photo of corset at Rhinestone Cowgirl's request

But the foreplay and then some commenced in the morning after I sobered up a bit. There's nothing like hot sex on a platter all morning, and then watching the Skins beat the Cowboys - in hi-def. MK's roommate has a hi-def flat screen and it is HAWT. I find myself coming up with excuses why I need to come over and watch TV:

Me: Hey MK what's up? What are you up to tonight?
MK: Not too much, work out then come home.
Me: Ahh cool. Well, would you be interested in watching the Wizards play the Knicks? It should be a kick-ass game...I'd watch it here but one of the recluse neighbor's cat got stuck in a tree and the fire truck was parked outside our house for awhile. And you know that huge ladder on top of the truck? Well it fell right into the groud where the cable lines are at. So no Comcast asi.
MK: Umm since when do you watch basketball?
Me: Hey I can appreciate the game. It's exciting. I mean if you don't want to watch that, Project Runway comes on at the same time.....

I know, I know - I'm so slick......

Thursday, December 15, 2005

I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm

For the love of all things holly - go out and buy Christmas With The Rat Pack. I'm sitting in my office with a cup of coffee, chocolate peppermint cookie, and a "snowy" view of the Potomac River listening to this CD.

So a few weeks ago I started going over to Malibu Ken's every Tuesday to watch Nip/Tuck with him, his roommate, and another friend - all VMI alums. At first I was intimidated and hoped his friends would like me. I think getting along with a boy's friends is vital. His friends are very cool and now every week they ask him if I'm coming for the Nip/Tuck viewing. He says that I've officially "won them over."
When I started watching Nip/Tuck over there I never intended on staying the night. But he lives in freakin Annadale, which is a good 30 minutes from Arlington. Geographically undesirable - but so desirable in every other way :) So for the past 3 weeks I've spent the night there, hoping that he wouldn't say: "Good lord you snore loudly! No more weeknight sleepovers." But Wednesday morning there I was in his arms, when he said something very cool: "You know, when you wake up and smile at me that is the best feeling." I'm still convinced he's going to break up with me any day now and return to his model ex-girlfriend, but I will cherish his sweet comments for the time being.
I'm going to a wedding on New Year's with MK. Very excited about spending a weekend away with him. But the most important decision is - what to wear to the wedding!!??!? I went through my dress inventory and decided that four years' worth of sorority formals and cocktail party mixers still left me with no satisfying options. I did some research and decided on a strapless lace champagne dress from - brace yourselves - Ann Taylor. I know, I know, I've talked a lot of shit about people who wear Ann Taylor out after 5PM, but I will give AT credit for having nice party dresses. Behold, my dress:

Photo from

I tried on the dress in-store so I know it fits. Not only did I get this beauty on sale on-line, but it matches my strappy gold-metallic-sparkly heels I've never worn. Last night I picked up some cute earrings, a (cough cough) faux fur cream capelet from the Mecca (Tar-jay) and a sparkly handbag. It's really not my goal to upstage the bride, but some things are inevitable ;)

Monday, December 12, 2005

The Ultimate Pussycat Doll Wishlist

I wanted to offer you all the opportunity to get an idea of the kinds of gifts I will be accepting this Christmas from family, friends, weekend spouses, stalkers, bloggers, and readers. Let me first say that I don't want anyone leaving lame comments about me being materialistic and Christmas being too commercial. Second, if you can't take a joke then you're on the wrong site!

VP of Dior Wishlist

Sephora Pretty Pink Brush Set - $20.00

Magic Bullet (it slices! it dices! margaritas for everyone!) - $59.99

Black Wine Cabinet - $149.00

16 round brilliant stones channel set in platinum ring - $1,170.00
Maserati 3200 GT Coupe - hmmm priced at $87,000.00

David Beckham oiled and tan - priceless. cha-chingggggg!

Please Santa! I've been soooo gooodddd!

Movies To Talk About

I believe it's been a long time since there were so many good movies all coming out at once. I fear I may go broke trying to view all of them before the Oscars (which I watch religiously every year). The National Board of Review has just released it's list of best of 2005:



Brokeback Mountain - really, really, really want to see this; the most important thing I hope people take away from this is that it's a LOVE story, regardless of the sex of who is falling in love

Capote - Phillip Seymour Hoffman is supposed to be amazing and a shoe-in for the Oscar

Crash - very good movie and great ensemble cast

Good Night, And Good Luck - really want to see this and I bet Clooney gets tons of awards

History of Violence - heard mixed things about this one; the previews didn't get me excited

Match Point - supposedly the best Woody Allen movie in 10 yrs

Memoirs of a Geisha - a MUST see; I fell in love with the book years ago and I heart the director Rob Marshall (Chicago)

Munich - director Spielberg is being very low-key about this one; the subject matter about the Israeli athletes taken hostage is obviously serious, but the movie is apparently a little too austere

Syriana - would like to see this one because a friend saw it and thought it was decent

Walk the Line - saw this movie and loved it; Phoenix should be nominated based on his singing alone

I really wish comedies got more credit. I still think Wedding Crashers was one of the best movies of 2005!

Friday, December 09, 2005

Friday Rants

Sorry to go all Scrooge on y'all:

1. My roommates - Believe me if I could afford to live alone I would. My roommate L is an inconsiderate twit. She consistently hordes dirty dishes in her lair downstairs and forces me to wonder, "Where oh where has all the cutlery gone?" It's really hard to eat spaghetti with a butter knife ya know. Last night I went down to do laundry and counted 4 plates, 4 knives, 3 forks, 2 spoons, and a partridge in a pear tree on a side coffee table. I left a nice little post-it that read: "Please take your dishes upstairs and load them in the dishwasher. Others in this house would like to use the utensils too."

Also, she never takes responsibility for anything. She refuses to take the trash out, even though she is always the last to put something in the trash can. She refuses to load her own dishes. She refuses to clean the upstairs common areas that she uses. She ran out of checks last week so she didn't bother to open the Verizon bill that she is supposed to be in charge for. I gave my money but the envelope is still sitting on the credenza waiting to be mailed. It was due Dec 6.

Additionally, since we have Internet DSL through Verizon she is responsible for making sure the wireless is working. Well it hasn't worked in 12 days, which has me going mad. I can't do onlnie shopping, check breaking news, chat on AIM, or visit beloved blogs. This happened before and she acted like it wasn't a big deal, but I disagree because I am not going to pay full price for a service that only works 2 weeks out of the month. But she can't be bothered to call or take responsibility, so I guess when next month's bill comes I'll just give her half the amount. Dumb serf. Yeah I'm going feudal on her ass!

My other roommate A has been on duty for 3 months so not around, but K is a pretty nice roommate except for the fact she leaves personal belongings strewn about all the common areas. I came home this week to find her laptop on my coffee table along with an empty can of Diet Coke, a dirty mug, some vitamins, her boots on the dining room floor and two pairs of shoes in the corner of the living room. GOOD GRIEF COULD YOU PLEASE STORE YOUR STUFF IN YOUR OWN ROOM?? I'm not a huge neat-freak, but I think common areas should be free of clutter and clean so that if you have any friends that drop by unexpectedly you won't have to make a mad dive towards the couch to hide your roommate's pair of pantyhose.

2. Holiday Shoppers - Y'all are all whack jobs. You are making it difficult to go into any kind of retail/consumer shop at lunchtime or on the weekends. I work in Old Town and I'm just waiting for some old lady to get trampled by an angry crowd of holiday shoppers outside of Papyrus on King St. Actually if that happened it would make my day.

3. My office - I need a new job quick. But besides that, there is no holiday cheer up in this bitch. I am bringing in ammo next week and decorating. I'm going to find the tackiest tinsel and the most unclassy fake poinsetta and go to town just to have some semblance that this is the holiday season. And we don't even get a holiday party, just a lunch where we are forced to sit near each other and talk. Utter lameness.

OK. Exhale.

Thursday, December 08, 2005


*This is a bit of a jumbled post - still trying to clear my head*

Tuesday night I freaked-out in front of him. I went to his place to watch Nip/Tuck and afterwards we were in bed. Foreplay was moving along, and then we were working towards intercourse when something didn't feel right. I thought it was a combination of relationship doubt and tiredness, but the real problem was a combination of overwhelming sexual intimacy followed by not being able to express that I didn't want to have sex.

Once in college, I put myself in a situation where I didn't want to have sex, but I went along with it because I liked the guy. For some reason I was unable to say no. I just did it and all I can remember about that is the way he felt so heavy on top of me.

So I think Tuesday night experienced a similar emotion, I just didn't know how to say no. I froze up and just started crying. Because Malibu Ken is such a great guy he immediately stopped and got me to talk about what I was thinking. He listened but I don't think he fully understood what I (and perhaps other girls) go through when experiencing sex. To have a guy enter you and see you in such an intimate way can be overwhelming at times. What do you all think about sex and intimacy?

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

In the Spirit

It seems that every year the Christmas season starts earlier and earlier (it's really just a marketing ploy to reel in consumers). But last night's snowfall really signaled the start of the season for me. I have already done some gift shopping and now I'm gearing up for my annual holiday party. Tis the season for holiday musings!

* My holiday party is on December 17th. It has a charity aspect as well. I'm having everyone bring a shoebox project for S.O.M.E. - So Others Might Eat. This is an organization in DC that benefits homeless citizens. I'm requesting people bring an empty shoebox and small NEW toiletries to fill it with. It can contain items for a man, woman, or child such as: socks, gloves, shampoo, comb, toothbrush, small toy, etc. Then we'll wrap the boxes in festive seasonal wrapping paper and I'll drop them off downtown. If anyone would like to be added to the Evite just shoot me an email!

*A note on Evite ettiquette - My supposed friend S. Lo made a real shady move by scheduling her party the same night as mine even though I sent out my Evite 3 DAYS before her. I know she viewed the Evite last Friday and then yesterday she sent out hers. I know it's a really busy season and there are tons of parties going on, but now our mutual friends have to decide between our parties that night. (I really would prefer that our friends just choose one party and stay there throughout the night instead of trying to go back and forth and run the risk of drinking and driving). I guess S. Lo doesn't have the balls to admit that she's a jealous conniving heifer, so she directs her roommate to send me a lame email apologizing and saying that Dec 17th was the only day that worked for them. Shady shady shady. Don't expect an xmas present from me. Like my Mom always says: "God doesn't like ugly." Anywho, my party will rock harder and has a charity involved, so clearly if they don't come they hate children and homeless people.

*I admit that I like holiday music. There are 3 musical stylings that get me in the holiday spirit.

1. Wham - "Last Christmas" breaks my heart everytime but a great song to dance to.
2. Linda Eder - She is a Broadway star/performer with the most amazing voice. I swear her version of "Ava Marie" makes me cry like a 10 yr old girl.
3. "Christmas With the Rat Pack" - A must have CD for the holidays. So classy. It takes you back to a time where gin martinis were strong and the men were even stronger.

* Going to my mom's house on xmas eve and waking up to the smell of a roasting turkey and pie, then opening up presents with my brother. That is such a warm fuzzy feeling.

*The gift hunt for Malibu Ken continues. I already purchased a Simpsons DVD but I need a clincher. He mentioned he needed a tie rack so I thought I might get him one of those snazzy electronic rotating tie racks you can install in your closet. But doesn't that seem like such a Dad kind of gift!??! He also plays guitar and loves Pearl Jam, so maybe a tabs book?

*I love D.C. in the winter. It's such a pretty city. 'Tis the season everyone!

Friday, December 02, 2005

Surprise Surprise

I had been thinking lately that I'm happy with my relationship with Malibu Ken right now. Even though there are no clear labels, I really have nothing to complain about.

Which is why I hate myself for being stupid and trying to push him to see how far he'll go. A very wise woman once said something along the lines of, "Don't mess things up by being insecure."

Wednesday night I pushed. For someone reason I decided to pick a small fight, which escalated into something more intense and I said slightly bitchy things. I was simply sad that he has been away on business and is going to a bachelor party this weekend in New Jersey. We all know that bachelor parties can quickly turn crazy (hello Mario Lopez?!?). However, the emotion I expressed was not sadness - it came out as insecurity. I don't know why I create this drama. Not to go all Carrie Bradshaw on you all (but it's so applicable right now), do we need drama to make a relationship work?

I've learned that in this case no. I found a wonderful guy who cares about me and knows when to say he's sorry. I also need to remember that I need to say sorry and check myself whenever I feel an insecure fit coming on. I'm a lucky girl and yesterday and today I got further proof as to why I dig him.

Surprise #1: His best friend is getting married on New Year's Eve. He never mentioned taking a date or having to escort anyone. I assumed I wasn't going, which was fine because I don't even really know the bride and groom and the wedding was planned before I even met him. But I was slightly peeved that I would not have a guaranteed NYE kiss. Yesterday he asked me to go with him :) I will get my kiss afterall. Now the dress hunt begins...

Suprise #2: It's 2:15PM at work today. I'm working along like a good worker bee, when a delivery man comes into the office with flowers. I just assume they aren't for me and go back to work. But I was wrong. They were for me :) No one has ever sent me flowers at work. How can I be mean to a guy who is so thoughtful and considerate? I can't. Ever. I'm swooning.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Best Boobs inside the Beltway

The results are in from DC blogger superlatives by Kathryn ! I was voted best boobs and clearly it pays to campaign. I'd like to thank God (why do people at awards shows always start with a shoutout to the Almighty One?) and I would like to extend a warm thanks to my mammary glands who have given me 10 yrs of excellence service so far. Keep up the good work Helga and Olga.

So last night was blogger happy hour and from what I remember it was a great time. Eyebar had a stellar martini called "Hazel Eye" made from vodka, butterscotch schnapps, and apple pucker. A couple of these sweet concocktions turned me into a sweet mess. I may or may not have humped a wall....and the Taco Bell I got on the way home tasted sooo good.

It was great to finally meet some new faces: Team Lady - fun, fun, fun even though Mr. Bartender broke my heart with the "Wicked" play info; Sharkbait - adorable; Orgasmic Booty Shorts - the boy can shake it; Aja - we determined WE can shake it; Heather B.; KOB from DC Blogs - I felt like I was meeting the wizard of Oz!; DJ Flowerz; Marci Bananas; EJ TakesLife; Law-rah; and Dudley - if it's on sale you can't afford NOT to buy it!

The regulars were in attendance as well and it was great to see the hostesses: Kathryn - always gracious, Asian Mistress - Eurotrash!, DC Cookie - I believe your boobs are amazing as well, and Rhinestone Cowgirl - well now you know for sure that they're real; Unique Alias - you should keep the dancing to a minimum; I-66 - my hat looked good on you; The Boy - we are such bitches :) ; Dale; Etta; and Travis - one day you will see the light and appreciate voluptious boobs.

Sorry if I forgot anyone and sorry for no linking. I'm doing this in between meetings. Cuz ya know, I'm kinda a big deal here at work.

I'll leave you with this parting shot of Rhinestone Cowgirl and I: