Friday, June 30, 2006

Friday Boobies - 1 Year Blog Anniversary Edition

Happy Friday Boobies! In honor of tomorrow being my 1 year blog anniversary, I've decided to feature myself as the Friday Boobies lady.

First, there was this post from November where I provided photographic evidence as to why my boobs rock. Then I won an award for best blogger boobies. Now I've outdone myself by giving Helga and Olga, literally my bosom buddies, a score of 9.5 (hey I don't claim to be perfect!).

During this last year I have come to know other blogger babes who enjoy boobies as well. It seems to be a common theme. Most importantly I have enjoyed meeting DC bloggers and sharing my stories with everyone. And wow, has the world changed in the past year. Hurricane Katrina, the Bush Administration, the war in Iraq, me getting a boyfriend (gasp!), the birth of Tai Shan, the inauguration of Friday Boobies, the list goes on and on. Look out for a "Best of Beltway Series" on the sidebar soon...

I started writing in this blog after seeing a blog of an acquaintance who was chronicling his study abroad adventures in Africa. At the time blogging seemed like a novel idea. Like, hey I can post some pics and make fun of people doing stupid things. OK, let's try it. As I started reading other blogs from around the country I came to realize that this medium - blogging and online journal postings - speaks to the human emotion of connection. Even if you have never met a person, when you read their blog you can get a small taste of who they are. Am I defined by my blog? Of course not. But does my spirit, voice, and passion reside in every post? I believe so. To share facets of myself while learning about what makes other people unique has been a great joy to me over the course of the past year. So here's to my 1 year anniversary and thanks to everyone for reading, commenting, and sharing your insight!

The Tale of Antsy Amy and Scary Sally

People are strange. My metro ride on the Orange line this morning was an interesting one. Everyone and everything on my train was a bit… off. In fact it was just plain weird. Here are just two examples because it would take me all day to type out all of them.

Weird moment #1 –This girl got on the train with me at Va Square. Let’s call her Antsy Amy. The moment Antsy Amy gets on the train she starts looking around nervously and reacting anytime someone else’s purse, bag, hand, newspaper, iPod, whatever touched her. The train was packed so there was no way to maintain 3 ft of personal space. It’s just how the metro is in the mornings but she apparently thought she deserved her 3 ft. She was also carrying a very large computer tote and a plastic bag. I can only presume that it was a computer inside the tote, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if it actually contained Purell, a gas mask, Lysol disinfectant and duct tape – all items she prepared in case someone touched her on the metro. So then another girl standing next to Antsy Amy accidentally bumped into her. Antsy Amy gets this real worried look on her face and then asks the girl if she wouldn’t mind not bumping into her and if she could move her bag because it kept touching her arm. The girl simply looked at her with disgust. The best part was that a woman who witnessed the encounter and was standing behind Antsy Amy said, “Well why don’t you put down YOUR bag. It is rather large.” Game and match to this insightful woman. Antsy Amy put her bag down but for the remainder of the trip to Metro Center took great pains to avoid anything touching her arms.

Conclusion: Being on a packed train sucks. I get it. People are going to bump into you. And I don’t like being touched by random people but you just have to accept that in close quarters it’s going to happen. Antsy Amy clearly had anxiety issues and it pissed me off that she thought she was special enough to deserve extra space. She also made everyone else around her antsy and annoyed. Next time you ride the metro Antsy Amy, take a Xanex and chill the ‘eff out.

Weird moment #2 – Seated perpendicular to the center aisle of the metro was a woman who I think was not actually a woman but a harsh looking transvestite. Let’s call her Scary Sally. I hate to judge but there were some tell-tale signs that this was a man:

Exhibit A: The most important piece of evidence – large hands. To me this is the most obvious sign of determining gender. Scary Sally’s hands were big and veiny. Scary Sally also had nasty acrylic long fake nails.

Exhibit B: Massive arms – OK maybe this “woman” was a bodybuilder. Her arms were bigger than Chuck Norris’s!

Exhibit C: Natty wig – the wig was a caramel brown with some highlights thrown in. But it was clearly some kind of synthetic hair piece.

Exhibit D: Too much makeup – too much lipstick, too much eyeliner, and a gross misuse of blush that was applied too high on the cheekbones.

So anyway, Scary Sally is seated and as people are coming on to the train at Foggy Bottom a gentleman accidentally stepped on Scary Sally’s foot. Scary Sally’s face said it all. She was very pissed and I thought she was going to stand up and deck the guy. Scary Sally stared at the unassuming offender for the rest of the ride to Metro Center.

Conclusion: Again, being on a packed train sucks. If you are standing, please be considerate and look out for other people’s toes. And if the person is large and in charge like Scary Sally take extra precautions to avoid contact!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Police Close 7th St NW - It's Never a Dull Day Here!

12:10PM - Police have just closed off 7th St between H and K streets. There are bomb sniffing dogs around cars and they evacuated one building. As I was looking over our building balcony the police told us to get away from the windows and go back inside.....anyone else in the area know what's going on?

Monday, June 26, 2006

"Ummm food? What's that?"

I was having some trouble sleeping so I turned on Jay Leno to watch my fave Monday skit, "Headlines." Then the first guest on tonight was Kate Bosworth and Leno asked her many questions about food. Which is hilarious because she clearly doesn't eat.

The interview was a wee bit awkward! When asked by Leno what she stocks her refrigerator with she stammered and then unconvincingly replied, "Uhhh I keep milk, cheese, eggs, uh you know basic stuff." She then went on to say that she eats chicken and cooks "mac and cheese and stuff."HAHAHA she is such a terrible liar! Does this look like someone who allows cheese or carbs to pass through her hungry lips?:

Arrgghh! That sternum!!! How can she look in the mirror and think this looks healthy?

Dear Kate, don't you realize that whether you like it or not girls are going to look up to you and maybe begin to get a screwed up idea of what beauty is? Your skinny frame is quite, well, odd. You were such a healthy looking girl before (in my opinion). Please drive to your nearest Arby's and get a roast beef sandwich. And don't skimp on the Arby's sauce! Maybe then you can return to your previous glowing self.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Across the Pond

Across the pond is where I should be right now, with Malibu Ken underneath the Eiffel Tower. But instead I'm here and missing him like crazy. He went to Paris for a 2 week work trip. I had planned on going but once I realized plane tickets were no less than $1200 I nixed the idea.

I'm no stranger to Europe. I was born in Germany and my list visit to Europe was to Italy in 2004. But I've never been to Paris and it would have been awesome to go there with someone I love. Damn those DeBeers commercials for romanticizing any European city with old baroque architecture.
He's only been gone five days and I'm feeling sad. I guess after spending every night with someone for 6 months, 2 weeks apart seems like forever. Clearly I need to snap out of this.

Going to different countries and exploring what they have to offer is a situation that can change people. MK has never been out of the country. On top of that, MK is going to Ireland with a female co-worker for a few days while over in Europe. It will be just the two of them, which he neglected to tell me until 1 day before he left. I just have some unfounded suspicions about this. He made no mention of sleeping arrangements or how they would be getting aound.

His female co-worker is white, blond, Irish, "scientific-savvy", and the type of girl he could take home to mom and dad. I am definitely not any of the things I listed above.


I know I haven't written at length about Malibu Ken in awhile. We are still together, with intermittent spells of small quarrels and sometimes overwhelming love.

It's been about 1 year since our first outing to the zoo and first kiss. About 1 year since I fell asleep in his bed fully clothed and refused to go past first base. Do people even use the term first base anymore?? Anyway, I guess the biggest lesson I've learned this past year is that I have a lot of growing up to do. All of the insecurities, suspicions, and tears on my behalf did nothing to strengthen my relationship with MK. Sure, I usually got a response from him, but not for the right reasons.

On the other hand, I shouldn't have to throw a hissy-fit just to get a response. Sometimes I feel as though there is no passion, no OOMPHH from his end. I definitely have a passionate heart that I love to show to him. I love him dearly. He loves me dearly. Is that enough? I don't know...

Friday, June 23, 2006

Friday Boobies - A Perfect Score

Ladies and gents. This is a proud day in Friday Boobies history. We have our first perfect 10 score. I came across this lady while perusing gossip blogs and completely agree with her ranking as #2 on FHM's Hottest Women on the Planet list. Homegirl beat out Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Jo, Beyonce, Salma H., and numerous bodacious babes. Behold, Keeley Hazell:

Who is Keeley Hazell (pictures on this link may not be work appropriate!) you might ask? She is a British model who is a popular pin-up and the subject of many a lad's dreams. She also is the new "face" of Formula One 2006 Playstation 2. I think she has one of the nicest figures I have ever seen. Great natural ta tas, tiny waist, hips, and legs. Basically every man on earth wants to procreate with her. If you look at the pics in the gallery on her website you will see her 2 best assets very clearly. Simply put - she is genetically blessed (or depending on your preferences a genetic freak). Congrats Keeley on the first ever score of 10. You deserve it you sassy lass!

P.S. - All of you men out there can thank me later for these pics :)

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Exercise Dude Is Alive and Well

I had no idea that posting about Exercise Dude would garner such a response (thanks to Wonkette and DC Blogs). And in this WaPo Express post there was a call to submit sightings of Exercise Dude. According to some blog commenters he has been spotted at 10th and Penn, 4th and H, and my area of 7th and H. I'm still waiting to see him with my own eyes. I'm really glad the heat has not stopped him from running loops in the middle of the street while successfully avoiding getting hit by a Metrobus. That is talent my friends.

Wonkette had an interesting serious of posts under the header: Chinatown is DC's Times Square. When I wrote yesterday's post I hadn't even thought about that. I don't think Chinatown is quite to the kitschiness level of Times Square but it does boast a lot of tourists, heavy traffic, bright lights, urgency, and our own version of the Naked Cowboy - DC's Exercise Dude. I think Exercise Dude and Naked Cowboy should team up for an all-star revue. No one would attend - but it would still be a pretty funny sight.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Musings on Chinatown

5 Reasons Chinatown Is An "Interesting" Place to Work:

1. The Exercise Dude who works out in the middle of the intersection of 7th and H gets everyone amped up for mid-day workouts. Good idea especially if you have eaten at Five Guys. However he has been missing recently. Could it be the oppressive heat? Where art thou Exercise Dude? Wherefore is thine headband and biker shorts?

2. There are always a disturbing number of teenagers walking around the Gallery Place metro stop. Even when school was in session they were always there, making fun of pedestrians and hitting on people.

3. I LOVE Marvelous Market (otherwise known as Mahhhhhvelous Mahhhhket). I'm going broke eating their delicious pasta salads and homemade brownies every day.

4. I work by Hooters and I think people are assuming that is where I work as I enter the adjacent building. Even though I have been offered jobs at other Hooters locations, for the time being I do not work there. Besides, the girls at the Chinatown Hooters are obnoxious twigs.

5. Back to the topic of food - Five Guys, Matchbox, China Doll, Tai Shan (not the panda!), Tony Cheng's, Clyde's, Chipotle, California Tortilla, the aforementioned Mahhhhhhvelous Mahhhhket, Fado, RFD, Drinx, Subway, Quiznos. All of these are within 3 blocks of me :)

Friday, June 16, 2006

Friday Boobies - Talentless Hack Edition

Things have been a little crazy at the Friday Boobies headquarters here in Bosomville, USA. I'm finally getting around to posting today's lady - Ashlee Simpson. You know, she makes it so easy to make fun of her. She says ridickulously stupid things and pretends she's not transforming herself into Jessica 1.5 (giving her the 2.0 title is being a bit too generous). I must say she is looking rather cute nowadays, but the picture I'm showing below is pre-rhinoplasty and pre-blonde Jose Eber makeover:

I definitely give Ashlee credit for being a wee bit right sexy yah? And her boobs are all natural as of today but who knows when that might change. She's still a talentless hack and her boobs are not as nice as Jessica's. I'll give her a 6. Happy Friday Boobies! Enjoy your weekend :)

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Singapore Fans Came to the Right Place

I've finally started checking Sitemeter more often to see how people are getting to my page. Today's list included searches for Jordan Baker and EJ Takes Life. But the number one search on Yahoo Singapore is for "pussycat doll." And that's singular pussycat doll thank-you-very-much. I guess the Pussycat Dolls plural are well-liked in Singapore? Honestly I'm a little disappointed "pussy - cat", "boobies" or "video ho" was not more heavily represented.

Anyway, welome all my Singapore readers! Selamat datang!(Malay) - Vanakkam! (Tamil) - Chaybah (Singlish - yes this is an actual language. More on this later...)!

Monday, June 12, 2006

It's A Walkoff, Bitches

So I'm mad late doing a recap of blogger happy hour. I had too much going on this weekend. The little bro graduated and I'm still unpacking my house. But the blogger HH was tons of fun as usual. It was great seeing the usuals and those I don't see enough. The impromptu dance-off with Thicky, Robin, KasssyK got things heated-up. I even showed Virgle Kent how girls from Hoodbridge drop it. Like. It's. Hottt.

Eyebar was the usual random-ass mix but with the addition of "When Bloggers Attack" things turned fun. Especially when I announced that there would be a walkoff. KassyK, Robin and myself all took a turn through the dramatic curtains at the entrance of Eyebar.

"It's a motherfucking walkoff!"


"Playing the phat jams for dat ass."

"The drunken bandit strikes again - taking boys' hats

and swiping away the haters like gnats."

Friday, June 09, 2006

Friday Boobies - Ms. Dior If You're Nasty Edition

Dear Ms. Janet Jackson-Dupree-A-Town-Holla!,

Listen doll. Can we chat? You are one of the more "normal" members of the Jackson family. And that's saying a lot. In fact I think that's a good compliment so you are welcome. Recently you balloned up to a heavier weight for a "movie role." What you really wanted to say was that you sat around your posh house and ate whatever you pleased - that's fine by me. Everyone enjoys doughnuts.

There was a rumor going around a few months ago that your record company was not going to promote your new album unless you lost the weight and got those famous abs back. So you decided to lose the weight in record time (my guess it was a combo of dieretics, TrimSpa Baby! and a diet consisting of only grapes and bitterness).

So you lost the weight and showed up looking loverly at the CFDA awards. Your dress was very pretty and ....oh my gentle Jesus. Who melted your boobs???

Upon further inspection it appears you are suffering from the same affliction that has plagued Star Jones and Vivica A. Fox. "Ginormously Fugged Out Crevice Cleavage Syndrome" is no joke Janet. You will receive a score of 3. If you show some improvement and get those hard masses you pretend to be boobs fixed, I may increase your score. Please consult Dr. Ray from "Dr. 90210." Until then you are on probabtion!


VP of Dior

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Goodbye to Carpool

I might be the last person to hear about this (thankfully Nubian Temptress forwarded the story to me). Carpool, a great hangout on Fairfax Dr in Arlington is getting torn down for yet another new, shoddly built over-priced apartment building:

Until last Saturday I lived on N Quincy St and enjoyed being able to walk to Carpool (especially when Rocklands BBQ was in-house). Good vibe, outdoor patio and darts. Definitely something different than the banal Clarendon Ballroom.

And when I was looking at places to live I researched the local apartment complexes on my street and around Ballston. Most of them were small sq footage, over-priced and seemingly constructed overnight.

With this newest addition, Dittmar will be competing with The DonoHOES for most yuppie-fied apartment complex.*

Soon there will be only apartment buildings in Arlington, stacked on top of one another, and no bars/retail/shops/parks to speak of.

Maybe it's just my natural dislike for apartment buildings that led me to decide to again live in a house in Arlington. But honestly I can't imagine paying $1600 a month for a 600 sq ft space with walls as thin as a Gateway shipping box.

Yes there is the convenience of the metro but as I've learned this week, not being 100 ft from the metro is not the end of the world. If you don't have a car it's a little trickier situation, but why have a car to only have it sit in the garage of your complex and get scratched by "Uber-Yuppie's" Audi A6???

So long live Carpool. I will indeed continue to frequent it until the very end.

*Jeep Cherokee and Dave Matthews Band poster not included.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Friday Boobies

Happy Friday Boobies! Today's lady has seen her fair share of ups and downs - in legal battles as well as with her weight. She has a naturally buxom frame anyway, but Anna Nicole Smith's ta tas are out of control:

Holy lopsided mountains Batman. Her poor breasts look mashed and lumpy. I'm giving her a 1. Now that she is preggers, her boobies will probably become even more massive. Hopefully the poor kid won't be born with a TrimSpa dependency.

Enjoy your weekend everyone! I will spend the weekend moving into a new house in A-Town so I might be MIA for a few days. I think the next time I encounter a nemesis, instead of wishing death upon them I will wish upon them having the duty of packing up 2 years worth of accumulated crap and moving it all in 48 hrs. Because clearly moving IS hell on earth!