"This Ain't No Bank Robbery!"

VP is currently deathly ill (but still wearing a pink boa because style is 24/7) and having fever induced dreams of Denzel Washington screaming, "This ain't no bank robbery! This ain't no fever VP!" because of the following reason:

A. VP went to a Halloween party where she consumed copious amounts of "punch" and made out with Jared Leto's dopppleganger
B. VP stayed outside in 28 degree weather at a wedding reception that included pineapple moonshine and a bonfire
C. From Friday to Sunday morning VP had a total of 4 hrs of sleep
D. All of the above (and throw in some shitty timing that tends to permeate VP's life)



If you picked D you would be correct. I am sick and missing Halloween :(

But I hope everyone else has a great Halloween.

Love,
VP a.k.a. "Dark Angel of Gucci"

Linda Cropp Loves Kylie Minogue

Last night I had my first High Heel Drag Race experience. I'm very very tired so this post will be brief. The best part of the whole night was standing two feet away from Linda Cropp while she attempted to bob her head along to the Results Dance team performance. It was quite bizarre! Many thanks to Velvet for being hospitable and thanks to Nubian Temptress for the coffee and booze (and Diva257 for the laughs).

The pics are dark but I'm going to put them up anyway.

The Results Dance Team

This lady worked it

Mayoral candidate Adrian Fenty let his *ahem* hair down and smiled for "Princess Diana"

and her "security"

The Fanta girls rocked it but...

Those bitches ain't got nothing on me! (Halloween 2005)

Closure

I'm still seeking closure. Today marks 2 months since the break-up and I am still hung up on him. Still wishing we were together, in spite of the shitty way he ended things. So for the past 2 weeks, I have bothered my ex to just say one thing to me: That he doesn't love me. It may sound weird to ask him to say it out loud to me, but I NEED it for closure. Because there are times when his actions speak much louder than those words, and there are times when he acts like he still cares. This whole month has been an emotional tsunami, and I really have no one to blame but myself.

So without going into all of the details, I wrote him an email in response to an email he sent regarding being out of town and wanting to see me in person:

EX,

I know you were out of town. You told me you would be. I'm not quite sure why you think we need to meet in person. I know I never suggested that and I don't think it's necessary. You certainly didn't think it was necessary to see me in person when you broke-up with me initially and you chose to do it over the phone.

If you do think we need to meet in person, that is fine, but you have dragged this out for 2 weeks. I'm sorry you don't feel well and I'm sorry you are traveling a lot. Avoiding confrontation might be your way of dealing with it but it's not my preferred method. And if you are already dating someone else and are avoiding talking to me out of respect for that person then you just need to say that.

All I ask is that you say you don't love me anymore. It shouldn't be that difficult to do since you have made it clear you don't want to be with me or talk to me ever again.

I know you don't need added stress to your life since work seems to be extremely busy, so if you just say what I need to hear then I won't contact you ever again according to your wishes. At least that way I can move on. I don't hate you but like I said, you seem to want to make me hate you and there is something that is just not right about that. I forgive you and I obviously still love you and I think hearing from you would be great. But it sucks to hear from you only every few days that "possibly" we can meet up and "possibly" you will call. Don't say those things if you don't mean them. I don't want to hear anymore "possiblys." Perhaps you can't understand that, but hearing all of these "possiblys" puts a sparkle of hope in my mind that is not valid. It's not fair.

I tend to think I am much more eloquent and honest via written communication anyway, so I hope you read this and realize that I am not trying to bitch you out - I'm just trying to express to you what I need right now. I don't need your "help" getting over this, even though you have been through a break-up before caused by your parents beliefs and your own personal agenda. I know that it hurts for you to have parents who are not fully open-minded but you've also clearly hurt me by how you have chosen to end this. I just hope that you stop hurting other people like this and just be honest with yourself. At the end of the day I definitely want you to be happy. And at the end when I stand before God and I'm asked what I'm most proud of in my life, I can honestly say that I loved freely and unconditionally. Not everyone can say that.


VP

I really want to believe he is a good person. But I'm starting to question that...so even if I don't get what I want, at least I can say that I was articulate and thoughtful until the very end.

Friday Boobies

This post pains me. Literally. I can feel ouchie pains shooting up myboobs. I'm sure Patricia Arquette can not be comfortable in this:


I applaud her for having a normal shape and refusing to lose weight for her role on "Medium." But dear lord there is nothing medium about her. This is a BIG crime against her mammaries. Those puppies are glued to that dress stronger than Mark Foley's gay-dar. I have to give her a 4 for size, 2 for form, and a 0 for the outift and hair (its simply too distracting). So that averages to a 3.

Project Wrong-way!

SPOILER ALERT - PR Finale, Olympus Fashion Week

Project Runway got it ALL wrong last night. Jeffrey? Are you kidding me? Uli's collection blew Jeffrey's away for sure. Michael and Laura's collections were a bit weaker than Uli's, but still for me both were more inspired and gorgeous than Jeffrey's. I think Michael has a great future in American sportswear design. Laura's was a bit too Alexis Carrington for me. I half expected the Dynasty cast to come out and start a bitch fight.

And since when is ripping-off Gwen Stefani's "Harajuku Lovers Style" a strong artistic statement worthy of winning money??

But why will I continue to watch PR? Because of Tim Gunn and quotes like this:

And finally, don't expect Spears to be a guest judge on the upcoming season of "Project Runway." Tim Gunn, the show's Yoda-like and even-handed fashion guru, is uncharacteristically ruthless when asked to weigh in on the Britster's sense of style.

"Aside from looking as though she's just been dragged out from under a truck that tried to run her over, she always looks like she's in need of personal hygiene," Gunn blasts to Us. "The whole package to me is just repugnant. Ugh!"

LOVE IT!!!

Law and Order: DC Unit

I was at the Mayflower Hotel earlier today and literally bumped into Fred Thompson. I guess to some it would have been just a regular famous for DC type sighting, but the fact he is on one of the best TV shows EVAH and is a bad-ass (just look at the pic dammit), made it an OMG moment for me. I half expected him to start talking about how his office smells of rich mahogany and he's "kinda a big deal".....but alas he kept on walking and I returned to my hum-drum rainy day.

Friday Boobies - Sketchy Scanned Version Edition

This picture of one of my faves, Scarlett Johanssen, has been floating around the internets recently. Though I wish there was a more clear version, it's the thought that counts right?

source: egotastic.com

Hot hot heat. Love her and the ta tas.

And now for a general PSA - it is quite nipply outside now. The weather will be increasingly getting colder, and more clothes are required. This doesn't mean you have to hide your boobies. You just have to be more creative ladies. May I suggest low-cut cashmere sweaters and don't forget the padded bra! Just because it is nipply outside, that doesn't mean I should be able to see your nipples.

Metro Orange Line Madness

Usually Friday orange line trips are uneventful, as there are less people on the trains in general (flex time workers, gov agency schedules, etc.). But today was a gem of a ride. I got on at VA Square and there were delays beginning at Vienna due to track work or something. Trains were only coming every 7 minutes or so. I waited 5 minutes and then a train came - of course it was completely packed. I squeezed my way on and noticed that people standing in the middle of the car had lots of personal space. I however was being squished into some guys armpit. Not one person, either standing or sitting up, took the initiative to say, " Hey, everyone in the middle of the cars squeeze together and make more room for everyone." Everyone just stood around looking pissed.

So I took the initiative and yelled, "Everyone in the middle move closer together so there is less crowding around the doors. Someone could get hurt being squished up against the doors." Most people obliged and created space, but some gave me dirty looks. The nerve of people!!! It wasn't like I was asking them to shoot their dog. It was a genuine safety issue that needed to be addressed. It's just interesting how people are too worried about what others might think to stand up and be assertive. I shudder to think what would happen in a real emergency, like a terrorist attack or electric shortage. I guess people would just stand around, look pissed, and not take action.



***The only redeeming factor of the ride was when I switched to the Red Line there was a guy who I swear was Matt Leinart's twin. I soo wanted to jump his bones right there on the metro.

Ten Years Younger

I'm not going to make this a weekly post, because frankly Friday Boobies takes top priority, but I'm curious as to how old people perceive others to be. I always get asked what "year" I am in college and I always politely say, "Bee-yotch I graduated 2 years ago."

There is a show on TLC I believe called "Ten Years Younger" or something. I refer to the show as "Make 30-Year Old Women Cry By Pointing out Their Crow's Feet." Basically they take a woman out in the street and ask random people how hold they think she is. Usually they think she is 5-10 years older than she actually is based on appearance. It's clearly mean.

Anyway, I was watching a re-run of CSI and this actress played the role of a mother mourning the loss of her 20-something year old daughter:

This is Melinda Clarke and she also plays Marissa's mom on The O.C. She is pretty much the resident M.I.L.F. in TV land. However, whenever I catch a glimpse of her on TV I go, "Hmmm who is that new young actress? She can't possibly be over the age of 29." Until I realize who she is and how many ADULT chidren she is suposedly mothering on TV. In this case I think she looks much younger than she is.

So my long winded post leads to this question: Based upon this picture, how old is Melinda Clarke? Leave your guesses.

(No Googling or IMDB-ing!! Leave your honest response.)

Maple Macchiatos Are Back!!!!!

Forget Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Brush off Pomegranate Fraps. Disregard Americano blend.


MAPLE MACCHIATOS ARE BACK PEOPLE!!!!(Well, at least at the Starbucks at 7th and H NW).

Sooo delicious, like they steamed the state of Vermont's maple syrup reserves and mixed it with the sight of fall foliage. Classic. I first had it last fall in Hartford, CT and have been pining for it ever since.

For those suckers like me working on Columbus Day, go grab a Maple Macchiato. You deserve it!

Friday Boobies

Janet, we all know you are hot for being 40 something, and you have one of the best Photoshop/airbrush teams in the biz, but I am really tired of seeing your boobies. Have you not encountered a turtle neck sweater that you like? Perhaps cashmere? I hear Banana Republic has some nice ones. Anyway, I hope you put them away soon, probably after your media blitz for the album. You lose points for over-exposure and plastic-like appearance. Score: 3. Poor form Janet, poor form.

Bah

Fuck Arlington County. Fuck my roommate with that annoying dog yelping all the god damn time. Fuck Dave for ruining my life. Fuck Dave for being a pussy and not standing up for me. Fuck my job and my nosy boss. Fuck property tax. Fuck Matt for being too self-involved to ever love me. Fuck me for forever loving Matt. Fuck my landlord. Fuck my "carb-tooth." Fuck Mark Foley (not literally, kids). Fuck girls who wear foundation and eyeliner to the gym. Fuck marriage. Fuck marriage to girls who wear foundation and eyeliner to the gym. Fuck the crowded Orange line. Fuck. It. Now.

Finally, A Win

I just got home from the amazing game at FedEx Field. I swear I think Santana Moss is as high as a Goodyear blimp every time he steps on the field, but if his smoked-out ass keeps making plays like the last one that got us our victory over the Jaguars we might just have a winning season!